An Assortment of Slightly Related Thoughts

Occassionally I convince myself that Stephen A. Smith is not a total idiot. I think to myself, "hmm...he seems to know something about this NBA business." Then the Captain tells me that Stephen A. Smith says there are five title contenders in the East.

Really?

I mean...REALLY?

Perhaps he's saying there's about five teams the East that could make it to the finals. Ok, let's go with that assumption for a second. Let's see. He's talking about:

1. Boston (three great players, potential to sign enough role players through the season to make an unsuccessful title run).

2. Chicago (lots of great young players who get better and better as time goes on and they play great defense)

and .......

.......

I'm stumped.

Those are really the only two teams I think are going to be worth a damn if they make it to the finals.

For the sake of argument, who else could he be talking about?

3. Detroit?

Why: Because they won it in 2004 and a lot of that team is still around? They've got a decent roster I suppose, but I think the top six teams in the West would completely dismantle them. No offense to Mr. Maxiell. History seems to indicate that maybe we jumped the gun labeling Chauncey Billups as a really great player (he's good, but not the Mr. Cluth he was thought to be). Rasheed Wallace is a stud, no doubt but he's also certifiably crazy. Rip and Tayshaun are really good too, but I'm just not sold on this team as being anywhere close to good enough.

4. New Jersey?

Why: Because Jason Kidd is a badass. That's truth right there folks. Kidd's a smart enough player that he could probably still be better than half of the point guards in the league when he's fifty. Vinsanity is a good player, but I'm not sure he's enough to pull this team along. I like RJ and Kristic, but they're likable as role players, not leaders. I'm not sold on these guys as viable. They'd get destroyed by all eight West playoff teams.

who else?

(groan)

5. Miami

Why: Dwyane Wade. There's your only reason. Guess what? He's still hurt. Perhaps you're saying, "But Shaq!" To which I say, "He's too fat and too old, and the weed is much too strong if you don't believe me."

I suppose this is my transition into what I really want to write about:

The Miami Heat.

Here's a couple thoughts on the aforementioned topic:

I. The Lakers weren't stupid in trading Shaq to Miami. That was a good move. I realize Miami got a title out of it, but Shaq is on the decline and has been since he got to Miami (even before that really). The mistake the Lakers made was not getting better value back (well, at least not knowing how to use it. Who do you suppose was responsible for dumping Butler RIGHT before he turned into a badass? Let's blame Jack Nicholson.)

a.) remember when they were trying to hand Wade the Finals MVP trophy and Shaq snatched it up to hand to Wade himself? I always thought that was an insanely selfish thing to do. I suppose he was worried people would notice him at 7'2" and weighing in at 500 lbs.

speaking of dickhead moves...

II. Pat Riley taking the reigns from SVG. I never understood this manuever. Why even put up the facade that SVG wanted to spend more time with his family? Riley is considered (and justifiably so) to be one of the best coaches in NBA history. Why pretend the situation was anything else than what it really was? Here's how I imagine the press conference would've gone down if anyone was actually honest.

Riles: Thanks for being here everyone. We've come here to announce publicly that I don't give a fuck what Stan has done for the team here.

SVG: Thanks Riles.

Riles: You're welcome, tubby. Now, as I was saying, we realize that Stan took this team past the first round two years ago with a less than dazzling assortment of young and not totally developed players. Last year he managed to get us right to the cusp of the finals. So instead of letting him acheive his destiny and take this team all the way to Finals and a potential title, I'm going to stab him right in the fucking back.

SVG: You know I'm going to run you over with my car the first time you come to Orlando, right?

Riles: I'd like to go ahead and take the reigns from him here. He's going to go home now and watch me capitalise on all his hard work this June. That's right Stan, I'll be making sure that you get screwed out of any potential ring. Oh yeah, I'm coming over to fuck your mom later too. Have fun in exciting Orlando in two years.

I'll be destroying this team's future for one shot at a title now folks. Thanks so much for coming by.


Wouldn't that have been a better press conference?


For the record, I think Washington has a much better shot at the finals this season than Miami, but I'm certain that wasn't what Stephen A. was thinking.

-Dusty