Greetings from the Pacific time zone!
Start times for everything out here are quite odd. I always complain about how late warriors games start when I'm back in the central time zone, but out here, everything from the eastern and central time zones ends at about eight p.m. It really is weird. I feel like my head is going to pull the old "arnold schwarzenegger on the surface of mars" from Total Recall...or not.
On to business.
Scott Skiles got the axe in Chicago, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Obviously I WAY over-hyped their team at the begining of the year, but I'm not sure how much of it is Skiles fault. Seems like more of it would reside in their front office. Skiles wasn't responsible for over paying a player they didn't need, nor is he at fault for creating a massive distraction with the Kobe talk. He also isn't necessarily responsible for Kirk Heinrich suddenly looking like he's the starter for Chicago's WNBA team.
Then again, Skiles is responsible for his pissing match with Tyrus Thomas, and that certainly hasn't helped team chemistry. Skiles could also be stuck with the stupid decision not to start Noccioni and Deng together for most of the season.
I don't know how this will work out for the team, but I think their season is close to being a wash at this point.
On another topic: recently Shaq's ad for the heating pads that you can apply for pain relief have been running a lot recently. There's one scene where you see Shaq's exposed back where a pad is applied. I watched this about three times before I realized that it must be a body double. The body they show is in really good shape, and Shaq is not. So how embarassing must that be on the set of the commercial? Say you get paid millions of dollars a year to play a sport, and when it comes time to film a squence with your shirt off, they have to use a more fit body double. Do you get upset? Or do you just say, "the hell with it" and drive off in your Ferrari?
-Dusty
Monday, December 24, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Holidays
As you have noticed, all five of you, that is, Dusty and I are taking somewhat of a holiday sabatical due to our respective locations in high altitudes and concrete jungles. Mostly because were lazy though. Some random thoughts to tide you over until we get back from holiday debauchery with people we love and some we don't.
Rasheed Wallace's jingle bells remix should take on viral proportions swamping youtube with more traffic than it can handle. It is awesome. The league pass is great because you get to watch all the NBA teams do Christmas promotions, which means you get to see Deke Mutumbo awkwardly belt out Jingle Bells with Yao Ming. I don't know which one of these guys looked less thrilled to be doing this, but it is funny as hell either way. Speaking of local markets on league pass, I have decided that I want to travel to half the cities in the NBA just so that I can eat the food I see on commercials... it could increase the pace to my first eating related malady for which a doctor prescribes medicine instead of telling me to eat healthier.
Remember folks the holidays are the only time of year when it is socially acceptable to be a lush. So enjoy. The Captain signing off...
Rasheed Wallace's jingle bells remix should take on viral proportions swamping youtube with more traffic than it can handle. It is awesome. The league pass is great because you get to watch all the NBA teams do Christmas promotions, which means you get to see Deke Mutumbo awkwardly belt out Jingle Bells with Yao Ming. I don't know which one of these guys looked less thrilled to be doing this, but it is funny as hell either way. Speaking of local markets on league pass, I have decided that I want to travel to half the cities in the NBA just so that I can eat the food I see on commercials... it could increase the pace to my first eating related malady for which a doctor prescribes medicine instead of telling me to eat healthier.
Remember folks the holidays are the only time of year when it is socially acceptable to be a lush. So enjoy. The Captain signing off...
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The NuWave Oven and some free knives
So, it's a Thursday night and I have a twelve pack in the fridge and some bad homemade nachos in front of me. A farily average night. However, the NBA despite my avid patronage and willingess to spend a $160 I don't have to get league pass has two games on tonight. No died, there isn't a holiday. If I wanted a Thursday night schedule like this I would give a shit about the NFL. The first game is one of the worst that could ever be scheduled. It is the NuWave oven infomerical version of the NBA game...
There is an amazing offer for something that can't really do what it advertises. The recent NBA champions, Miami Heat, take on the not so long ago up and coming Washington Wizards. In a battle of teams that are about as appealing as a jock strap growing mold TNT will market this as a game that is fun to watch because Charles Barkley and Reggie Miller will tell you how bad it is all night. The ESPN pundits will tell you that the Heat are worried, but not that far behind where they were lat season. You know what, last season they made the playoffs and bowed out ingnominiously to a Chicago team that couldn't find their own asses with a big gay penis right now. I am supposed to be excited that they could make the playoffs and look like a cracker in a circle jerk? I don't think so.
The Wizards are playing without Gil and are pretty much owning the Heat as I watch this game. Sans-Gil Wiz ass whipping in which Antwan Jamison looks like he is back in Golden State, and Caron Butler is making Kobe want to deficate in Mitch Kupchak's coffee cup could really only happen against a couple teams, and the Heat are one of them. Shit on a stick this game is bad.
Why do I watch? For the same reason that at two thirty in the morning you watch the NuWave Oven commercial. "Touch and Go" in thirty minutes chicken dinner with vegtabales, this looks delicious. You know that this is a load of crap and that you would never pay to use one because in all likelihood anything that comes out of the triple action cooking machine taste like a hockey puck. You know that as you watch this commercial that it is time that you will not get back. You know that as you watch two teams that really don't matter that you will not get the time back. So, why do we do it? The answer for me has to do with the fact that at least the basketball game is not scripted, there is a chance for something crazy to happen. Like Luke Jackson looking good, or Jamison putting up numbers good enough to make D.C. fans optimistic. Maybe the fact that DeShawn Stevenson always has big games, but never warrants a decent contract. Look at what he makes compares to other guys with similar numbers. The NuWave oven cooks a ten pound turkey touch and go. This food is amazing. I bet it really isn't even edible. This game really isn't even watchable. You have no excuse for watching, excpet that the next game is going to be the free set of Ginzu knives.
This is a truly amazing commercial. They cut diamonds with the paring knife and they slice cars in half with the cleaver. The Spurs I am willing to bet will not lose two in a row without making the Lakers work for it even with the two All-Stars on the bench. If they win I can see Kobe starting to bitch about wanting to be traded again. This game in that sense has great potential because it could speed up Jason Kidd trade talks, or start some more interesting trade talks concerning the best single talent in the NBA (even if I don't like him).
Barkley called the Spurs Groundhog Day because he could watch them every night. I could watch that old guy run over his Ginzu knives with a lawnmower and cut something in half with it afterward and then explain how he could send them back every night. The Spurs are obviously better than the Lakers with Parker and Duncan; this is the only reason I put the Spurs in an info commercial category. I am watching this game not because it is important or indicative of reality in the NBA, but watching Manu and the Red Rocket slice and dice the Lakers should be fun.
The Captain signing off...
There is an amazing offer for something that can't really do what it advertises. The recent NBA champions, Miami Heat, take on the not so long ago up and coming Washington Wizards. In a battle of teams that are about as appealing as a jock strap growing mold TNT will market this as a game that is fun to watch because Charles Barkley and Reggie Miller will tell you how bad it is all night. The ESPN pundits will tell you that the Heat are worried, but not that far behind where they were lat season. You know what, last season they made the playoffs and bowed out ingnominiously to a Chicago team that couldn't find their own asses with a big gay penis right now. I am supposed to be excited that they could make the playoffs and look like a cracker in a circle jerk? I don't think so.
The Wizards are playing without Gil and are pretty much owning the Heat as I watch this game. Sans-Gil Wiz ass whipping in which Antwan Jamison looks like he is back in Golden State, and Caron Butler is making Kobe want to deficate in Mitch Kupchak's coffee cup could really only happen against a couple teams, and the Heat are one of them. Shit on a stick this game is bad.
Why do I watch? For the same reason that at two thirty in the morning you watch the NuWave Oven commercial. "Touch and Go" in thirty minutes chicken dinner with vegtabales, this looks delicious. You know that this is a load of crap and that you would never pay to use one because in all likelihood anything that comes out of the triple action cooking machine taste like a hockey puck. You know that as you watch this commercial that it is time that you will not get back. You know that as you watch two teams that really don't matter that you will not get the time back. So, why do we do it? The answer for me has to do with the fact that at least the basketball game is not scripted, there is a chance for something crazy to happen. Like Luke Jackson looking good, or Jamison putting up numbers good enough to make D.C. fans optimistic. Maybe the fact that DeShawn Stevenson always has big games, but never warrants a decent contract. Look at what he makes compares to other guys with similar numbers. The NuWave oven cooks a ten pound turkey touch and go. This food is amazing. I bet it really isn't even edible. This game really isn't even watchable. You have no excuse for watching, excpet that the next game is going to be the free set of Ginzu knives.
This is a truly amazing commercial. They cut diamonds with the paring knife and they slice cars in half with the cleaver. The Spurs I am willing to bet will not lose two in a row without making the Lakers work for it even with the two All-Stars on the bench. If they win I can see Kobe starting to bitch about wanting to be traded again. This game in that sense has great potential because it could speed up Jason Kidd trade talks, or start some more interesting trade talks concerning the best single talent in the NBA (even if I don't like him).
Barkley called the Spurs Groundhog Day because he could watch them every night. I could watch that old guy run over his Ginzu knives with a lawnmower and cut something in half with it afterward and then explain how he could send them back every night. The Spurs are obviously better than the Lakers with Parker and Duncan; this is the only reason I put the Spurs in an info commercial category. I am watching this game not because it is important or indicative of reality in the NBA, but watching Manu and the Red Rocket slice and dice the Lakers should be fun.
The Captain signing off...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Alright, I had to take a break after that for a little bit. Hopefully T.J. will be OK. I left off with the Cavs, a B. We probably don't need to explain any further that Lebron equals a chance, no Lebron equals no chance.
The Ordinary Average Guys
C+: The Atlanta Hawks: They probably deserve a B, since they have won seven of their last eleven including the loss tonight. They are damned impressive when they are out on the break. No one can stop Josh Smith, except Josh Smith. If life is a highway, Josh Smith is his own speed bump. This guy can jump like a young Shawn Kemp, another power forward that couldn't get out of his own way. Marvin Williams continues to improve, and make the Hawks look less idiotic for nor taking Chris Paul or Deron Williams. Marvin can play, but he looks lost sometimes. The thing that scares me about the development of this team is that it Joe Johnson almost seems to resent that he has to be the go to guy on this team. Isn't that why he came to Atlanta? His remarks the other night after a win were to the effect of, "I shouldn't have to bail us out, we should have won by 20." You are one of the only guys on this team that has been legal to drink for more than two years. It is your responsibility as the supposed grown up to lead this team. Stop bitching and start playing the part, or the Landlord will evict your ass. Ok, Shelden Williams isn't evicting anyone, but the nickname still makes me laugh. I think I will give them a B- because of Shelden's nickname and striking looks.
C+: The Indiana Pacers. I have no reason to change my mind here. A team that will do nothing in the playoffs, and really is a team in between having to blow up the roster and trying to contend. They have been since Auburn Hills. This team is not that compelling, and they continue to get into disturbing incidents off the court. A good start means nothing for this team, look at the last couple of years. Blow it up.
C: The Washington Wizards. They are even in the win-loss column without Gil. Last season without Gil they looked like a Jerry Bruckheimer movie without the explosions, a Cinemax movie without nudity, a pizza without cheese. Oh people do that. People also get excited about bad basketball team. The only reason to watch this team is not playing, and threw out dates concerning his return that ranged between now and when your cable guy actually shows up to fix something. Still, props for keeping the ship afloat. If I am on this ship, I am getting off at the next port though.
The GED division
C-: The Milwaukee Bucks. I want to like them. I actually really do. Micheal Redd is great when he is not injured. Bobby Simmons is hurt more often than Redd, and if you remember he was on the cusp of being a really exciting player when he left the Clips. It was like the Clippers luck followed him to Milwaukee. Andrew Bogut is Australian and talks shit about the hip-hop lifestyle. How many of his teammates talk to him? About the same number that can carry on a fluent conversation with Yi. Despite that the team can put up some good games, and play a compelling style of basketball when they don't look like the young mishmash of players that they are.
D+: New Jersey Nets. I'll tell you right now this is not a grade they like to give out. I wanted to give these guys a failing grade. Any team that has Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, and Richard Jefferson in the East should be well over .500. History shows that they get their shit together and play well enough in streaks to tease their fan base. They look to be in about the same position this year. Rod Thorn will hold this team together like a redneck keeps a '79 Chevy truck together. The NBA equivalent of bondo and chicken wire will keep this beater passing the state inspection for just long enough to slip into the playoffs.
Remedial Bracket
D: Charlotte Bobcats. One step forward, and two steps back. They add talent and play below expectations. They spend some money and don't win games.They put Micheal Jordan in the front office and allow him to stay. The UNC weiner rubbing contest that MJ brings with him everywhere he goes is not good for anybody outside of Chapel Hill. Other than the fans of basketball teams in every other NBA city except Charlotte.
D-: Philly's 76'ers. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. Philadelphia is starting anew,and they really should. They are on the right track.
The Give 'Em a Shovel and Teach 'Em to Dig Bracket
F:Miami. Good thing half of the guys has no reason to believe that Karma shouldn't be bighting them in the ass right now. Good thing the the other half have every reason to believe it should. I like watching them loose. Which way to their next huge embarrassing failure?
F: Chicago. This one really is confusing. Then you look at their shooting percentages, and spit out the Maddenesque comment, "Well you can't win games if you don't score points." Chicago execute every part of the game except for shooting. If you are taking a test this is like saying you can do everything, but answer the question coherently.
F: New York. Turd Sandwich.
The Captain signing off.
The Ordinary Average Guys
C+: The Atlanta Hawks: They probably deserve a B, since they have won seven of their last eleven including the loss tonight. They are damned impressive when they are out on the break. No one can stop Josh Smith, except Josh Smith. If life is a highway, Josh Smith is his own speed bump. This guy can jump like a young Shawn Kemp, another power forward that couldn't get out of his own way. Marvin Williams continues to improve, and make the Hawks look less idiotic for nor taking Chris Paul or Deron Williams. Marvin can play, but he looks lost sometimes. The thing that scares me about the development of this team is that it Joe Johnson almost seems to resent that he has to be the go to guy on this team. Isn't that why he came to Atlanta? His remarks the other night after a win were to the effect of, "I shouldn't have to bail us out, we should have won by 20." You are one of the only guys on this team that has been legal to drink for more than two years. It is your responsibility as the supposed grown up to lead this team. Stop bitching and start playing the part, or the Landlord will evict your ass. Ok, Shelden Williams isn't evicting anyone, but the nickname still makes me laugh. I think I will give them a B- because of Shelden's nickname and striking looks.
C+: The Indiana Pacers. I have no reason to change my mind here. A team that will do nothing in the playoffs, and really is a team in between having to blow up the roster and trying to contend. They have been since Auburn Hills. This team is not that compelling, and they continue to get into disturbing incidents off the court. A good start means nothing for this team, look at the last couple of years. Blow it up.
C: The Washington Wizards. They are even in the win-loss column without Gil. Last season without Gil they looked like a Jerry Bruckheimer movie without the explosions, a Cinemax movie without nudity, a pizza without cheese. Oh people do that. People also get excited about bad basketball team. The only reason to watch this team is not playing, and threw out dates concerning his return that ranged between now and when your cable guy actually shows up to fix something. Still, props for keeping the ship afloat. If I am on this ship, I am getting off at the next port though.
The GED division
C-: The Milwaukee Bucks. I want to like them. I actually really do. Micheal Redd is great when he is not injured. Bobby Simmons is hurt more often than Redd, and if you remember he was on the cusp of being a really exciting player when he left the Clips. It was like the Clippers luck followed him to Milwaukee. Andrew Bogut is Australian and talks shit about the hip-hop lifestyle. How many of his teammates talk to him? About the same number that can carry on a fluent conversation with Yi. Despite that the team can put up some good games, and play a compelling style of basketball when they don't look like the young mishmash of players that they are.
D+: New Jersey Nets. I'll tell you right now this is not a grade they like to give out. I wanted to give these guys a failing grade. Any team that has Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, and Richard Jefferson in the East should be well over .500. History shows that they get their shit together and play well enough in streaks to tease their fan base. They look to be in about the same position this year. Rod Thorn will hold this team together like a redneck keeps a '79 Chevy truck together. The NBA equivalent of bondo and chicken wire will keep this beater passing the state inspection for just long enough to slip into the playoffs.
Remedial Bracket
D: Charlotte Bobcats. One step forward, and two steps back. They add talent and play below expectations. They spend some money and don't win games.They put Micheal Jordan in the front office and allow him to stay. The UNC weiner rubbing contest that MJ brings with him everywhere he goes is not good for anybody outside of Chapel Hill. Other than the fans of basketball teams in every other NBA city except Charlotte.
D-: Philly's 76'ers. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. Philadelphia is starting anew,and they really should. They are on the right track.
The Give 'Em a Shovel and Teach 'Em to Dig Bracket
F:Miami. Good thing half of the guys has no reason to believe that Karma shouldn't be bighting them in the ass right now. Good thing the the other half have every reason to believe it should. I like watching them loose. Which way to their next huge embarrassing failure?
F: Chicago. This one really is confusing. Then you look at their shooting percentages, and spit out the Maddenesque comment, "Well you can't win games if you don't score points." Chicago execute every part of the game except for shooting. If you are taking a test this is like saying you can do everything, but answer the question coherently.
F: New York. Turd Sandwich.
The Captain signing off.
Western Conference Grades
It's about twenty games in to the season. The Captain and I decided the time was right for the first quarter grades. We have taken slightly different approaches, but you, being a wise reader, will undoubtedly make sense of it all.
A good teacher will, when possible, take into account how a student is doing compared to what they are capable of doing*. Keeping this in mind, I am off to grade the Western Conference.
* I am in no way saying I'm capable of teaching anyone in the NBA SHIT.
By the way, I'm taking this on like a spaghetti western.
Northwest Division:
Utah Jazz
Record: 13-8
The Good:
-Carlos Boozer is having a great season averaging better than 25/11 a night.
-Deron Williams is averaging the most minutes on the team, and he's only at 37 a night
The Bad:
-They have some really bad loses to the Knicks, the Ball Sacs and Indy. Not that they got blown out(well, Indy kicked them around), but losing to those teams looks bad if you consider yourself a contender, even early on and even if the Sacs have been extra frisky on occassion.
The Ugly
-Mehmet Okur. Two words: eyebrow wax.
Grade: B+.
Two really inexcusable loses, Knicks and Sac. This team should be 15-6.
Seattle Supersonics
Record: 5-16
The Good:
-um...Eight of their loses have been by seven points or less. Not bad, considering this team was expected to be terrible.
The Bad:
-Kevin Durant is shooting 39% for the season. Considering he's the primary offensive weapon right now, that isn't so good.
The Ugly:
-Terrible record. Owner plans on moving the team. Pissed off fans. It's ugly all around.
Grade: D
They're supposed to be bad, but if you get paid millions of dollars, then you need to win SOME of the close games.
Portland Trailblazers
Record: 8-12
The Good:
-Even without Greg Oden, this team is looking better than expected for this season. They've lost close games to good teams (San Antonio) and beaten some good teams (Dallas, Detroit, New Orleans).
The Bad:
-Lamarcus Aldridge is the leader in nearly every statistical category. He goes down, this frisky team could go right down with him.
The Ugly:
-This team has made several very good personel moves, and then they drafted Josh McRoberts. Really? WTF?
Grade: B
Minnesota Timberwolves
Record: 3-15
The Good:
-They just managed to knock off Phoenix!
The Bad:
-Let's see...they have a grand total of three wins.
The Ugly:
-Antoine Walker is their veteran leadership and he's being paid over 8 million dollars a year. Yikes.
Grade: D
They're bad. They have one of the leagues biggest cry babies for veteran leadership, and Kevin McHale is still their GM.
Denver Nuggets
Record:13-8
The Good:
-Marcus Camby is averaging more than three blocks a game. That's ridiculous folks.
-Just about this entire team is shooting around over 40% from the field. Yikes.
-Iverson and Anthony are two of the top scorers in the entire league.
The Bad:
-I realize he's impossible to take off the court, but Allen Iverson is averaging about forty minutes a night.
The Ugly:
-Maybe I'm beating a dead horse, but they lost to the Knicks.
Grade: B+
They really should have at least two more wins.
Pacific Division:
Sacramento Kings (Ball Sacs)
Record: 8-12
The Good:
-Kevin Martin.
-The Redemption of Beno Udrih
-This team looks REAL frisky sometimes.
The Bad:
-Their best two players (Martin and Ron-Ron) are both averaging about forty minutes a night.
The Ugly:
-Check out the player picture of Brad Miller on espn.com. He looks like a grown up version of Alf alfa.
Grade:C
Something about Reggie Theus' metrosexualtiy is confusing this team into playing well occassionally.
Phoenix Suns
Record: 16-6
The Good:
-They're playing very good basketball while keeping their main players minutes down.
The Bad:
-They don't SEEM like they're playing very good basketball when I watch them, and they just lost to Minny (inexcusable).
The Ugly:
-It just seems like the fact that they need cap space and that Marion and Stoudemire can't exist in the same zip code together (rumor) is going to hurt this team sometime. This team used to be fun to watch play. They seem like they're not having any fun now.
Grade: A-
They're winning games, so I guess that's what matters, right now at least.
L.A. Lakers
Record: 12-8
The Good:
-Apparently the rest of the Lakers decided to show Kobe that they don't totally suck.
The Bad:
-The rest of the Lakers actually DO suck (at least comparative to Kobe, which might be unfair, but whatever).
The Ugly:
-At some point this season the "Bad" is going to show up, and Kobe'll probably push for a trade again. It's just a matter of time.
Grade: B
Seriously, did you think they'd be a playoff team as of now? I sure didn't.
L.A. Clippers
Record: 7-12
The Good:
-Chris Kaman is averaging three blocks a game! He's also apparently becoming comfortable talking to members of the opposite sex, aw, big ugly is growing up.
The Bad:
-This team is bad. Just plain bad.
The Ugly:
-I won't lie to you folks. I really do my best to avoid seeing this team play.
Grade: C-
They're bad. They were supposed to be bad because Elton Brand is out.
Golden State Warriors
Record 11-9
The Good:
-Record before Stephen Jackson came back from suspension: 1-6 Record after his return: 10-3.
-They are the most entertaining team right now, no one else is close.
The Bad:
-Baron Davis WILL get hurt. It's going to happen. It's as certain as the tides, the sun rising in the east or Stephen Jackson's next suspension from the league...
The Ugly:
-This team should still be vulnerable to a team with a good post player, so they're still just as vulnerable as last season.
Grade: B
It may look like you're watching a pick up game at the Y sometimes, but it's the best pick up game you've ever seen.
Now, the for the best division in basketball.
Southwest Division:
Memphis Grizzlies
Record: 6-14
The Good:
-Rudy Gay might have been on the all "not sure if he gives a shit" team in college, but he's been about as good as advertised in the pros.
-Juan Carlos Navarro has been the best Spaniard in the NBA so far this season.
The Bad:
-Juan Carlos Navarro has been the best Spaniard in the NBA this season. Hello, Pau? Time to show up and play. (That's right, 17/7 isn't good enough for me)
The Ugly:
-It kind looks like the Darko and Pau are planning to take over President Harrison Ford's plane sometime this season. Hey, it's the all terrorist look alike team!
Grade: C
I know they weren't supposed to be great, but I still think they're underachieving.
Houston Rockets
Record: 11-11
The Good:
-Scola looks like he's starting to adjust to the style of the NBA.
-Bonzi is playing much better on Adelman than he did under JVG.
The Bad:
-Rafer Alston brings the ball up. Rafer Alston dribbles into the corner. Rafer Alston gets trapped. Rafer Alston turns the ball over.
The Ugly
-Stevie Franchise makes his return to Houston, starts to play well, gets out of Adelman's dog house (no word on why he was there), promptly starts playing like shit.
Grade: B-
That's being generous considering they've played like crap recently, but they're still .500, for now.
Dallas Mavericks
Record: 14-8
The Good: I hate this fucking team.
The Bad: I mean, I really hate this fucking team
The Ugly: I fucking HATE this team
Grade: Go fuck yourselves Dallas.
No seriously, here's rusty spoon. I hope it helps.
New Orleans Hornets
Record: 14-7
The Good:
-Chris Paul is the man.
The Bad:
-Chris Paul is slightly injury prone.
The Ugly:
-David West and Peja are slightly injury prone as well.
Grade: A
They've played really well, even if they should've stayed in OKC because New Orleans can't support this team. Seriously, put the Hornets back in OKC and let the Sonics stay in Seattle. The only people who'd be pissed about this are people who think that would be cruel to do the a city that's rebuilding. Shit, they couldn't support them BEFORE the hurricane.
San Antonio Spurs
Record: 17-3
The Good:
-They're off to the best start in franchise history.
-No one is averaging even 35 minutes a game.
-They just beat Dallas and Utah without Duncan
The Bad:
-Bruce Bowen has definitely lost a step.
The Ugly:
-Francisco Elson gets called "Cisco." Matt Bonner gets called "Red Rocket."
Grade: A
Kicking ass, taking names. Any other team you'd think they'd started out too fast. Even Duncan's injury that looked like some kind of negative to balance out the Karma, but it turned out to be pretty mild.
-Dusty
A good teacher will, when possible, take into account how a student is doing compared to what they are capable of doing*. Keeping this in mind, I am off to grade the Western Conference.
* I am in no way saying I'm capable of teaching anyone in the NBA SHIT.
By the way, I'm taking this on like a spaghetti western.
Northwest Division:
Utah Jazz
Record: 13-8
The Good:
-Carlos Boozer is having a great season averaging better than 25/11 a night.
-Deron Williams is averaging the most minutes on the team, and he's only at 37 a night
The Bad:
-They have some really bad loses to the Knicks, the Ball Sacs and Indy. Not that they got blown out(well, Indy kicked them around), but losing to those teams looks bad if you consider yourself a contender, even early on and even if the Sacs have been extra frisky on occassion.
The Ugly
-Mehmet Okur. Two words: eyebrow wax.
Grade: B+.
Two really inexcusable loses, Knicks and Sac. This team should be 15-6.
Seattle Supersonics
Record: 5-16
The Good:
-um...Eight of their loses have been by seven points or less. Not bad, considering this team was expected to be terrible.
The Bad:
-Kevin Durant is shooting 39% for the season. Considering he's the primary offensive weapon right now, that isn't so good.
The Ugly:
-Terrible record. Owner plans on moving the team. Pissed off fans. It's ugly all around.
Grade: D
They're supposed to be bad, but if you get paid millions of dollars, then you need to win SOME of the close games.
Portland Trailblazers
Record: 8-12
The Good:
-Even without Greg Oden, this team is looking better than expected for this season. They've lost close games to good teams (San Antonio) and beaten some good teams (Dallas, Detroit, New Orleans).
The Bad:
-Lamarcus Aldridge is the leader in nearly every statistical category. He goes down, this frisky team could go right down with him.
The Ugly:
-This team has made several very good personel moves, and then they drafted Josh McRoberts. Really? WTF?
Grade: B
Minnesota Timberwolves
Record: 3-15
The Good:
-They just managed to knock off Phoenix!
The Bad:
-Let's see...they have a grand total of three wins.
The Ugly:
-Antoine Walker is their veteran leadership and he's being paid over 8 million dollars a year. Yikes.
Grade: D
They're bad. They have one of the leagues biggest cry babies for veteran leadership, and Kevin McHale is still their GM.
Denver Nuggets
Record:13-8
The Good:
-Marcus Camby is averaging more than three blocks a game. That's ridiculous folks.
-Just about this entire team is shooting around over 40% from the field. Yikes.
-Iverson and Anthony are two of the top scorers in the entire league.
The Bad:
-I realize he's impossible to take off the court, but Allen Iverson is averaging about forty minutes a night.
The Ugly:
-Maybe I'm beating a dead horse, but they lost to the Knicks.
Grade: B+
They really should have at least two more wins.
Pacific Division:
Sacramento Kings (Ball Sacs)
Record: 8-12
The Good:
-Kevin Martin.
-The Redemption of Beno Udrih
-This team looks REAL frisky sometimes.
The Bad:
-Their best two players (Martin and Ron-Ron) are both averaging about forty minutes a night.
The Ugly:
-Check out the player picture of Brad Miller on espn.com. He looks like a grown up version of Alf alfa.
Grade:C
Something about Reggie Theus' metrosexualtiy is confusing this team into playing well occassionally.
Phoenix Suns
Record: 16-6
The Good:
-They're playing very good basketball while keeping their main players minutes down.
The Bad:
-They don't SEEM like they're playing very good basketball when I watch them, and they just lost to Minny (inexcusable).
The Ugly:
-It just seems like the fact that they need cap space and that Marion and Stoudemire can't exist in the same zip code together (rumor) is going to hurt this team sometime. This team used to be fun to watch play. They seem like they're not having any fun now.
Grade: A-
They're winning games, so I guess that's what matters, right now at least.
L.A. Lakers
Record: 12-8
The Good:
-Apparently the rest of the Lakers decided to show Kobe that they don't totally suck.
The Bad:
-The rest of the Lakers actually DO suck (at least comparative to Kobe, which might be unfair, but whatever).
The Ugly:
-At some point this season the "Bad" is going to show up, and Kobe'll probably push for a trade again. It's just a matter of time.
Grade: B
Seriously, did you think they'd be a playoff team as of now? I sure didn't.
L.A. Clippers
Record: 7-12
The Good:
-Chris Kaman is averaging three blocks a game! He's also apparently becoming comfortable talking to members of the opposite sex, aw, big ugly is growing up.
The Bad:
-This team is bad. Just plain bad.
The Ugly:
-I won't lie to you folks. I really do my best to avoid seeing this team play.
Grade: C-
They're bad. They were supposed to be bad because Elton Brand is out.
Golden State Warriors
Record 11-9
The Good:
-Record before Stephen Jackson came back from suspension: 1-6 Record after his return: 10-3.
-They are the most entertaining team right now, no one else is close.
The Bad:
-Baron Davis WILL get hurt. It's going to happen. It's as certain as the tides, the sun rising in the east or Stephen Jackson's next suspension from the league...
The Ugly:
-This team should still be vulnerable to a team with a good post player, so they're still just as vulnerable as last season.
Grade: B
It may look like you're watching a pick up game at the Y sometimes, but it's the best pick up game you've ever seen.
Now, the for the best division in basketball.
Southwest Division:
Memphis Grizzlies
Record: 6-14
The Good:
-Rudy Gay might have been on the all "not sure if he gives a shit" team in college, but he's been about as good as advertised in the pros.
-Juan Carlos Navarro has been the best Spaniard in the NBA so far this season.
The Bad:
-Juan Carlos Navarro has been the best Spaniard in the NBA this season. Hello, Pau? Time to show up and play. (That's right, 17/7 isn't good enough for me)
The Ugly:
-It kind looks like the Darko and Pau are planning to take over President Harrison Ford's plane sometime this season. Hey, it's the all terrorist look alike team!
Grade: C
I know they weren't supposed to be great, but I still think they're underachieving.
Houston Rockets
Record: 11-11
The Good:
-Scola looks like he's starting to adjust to the style of the NBA.
-Bonzi is playing much better on Adelman than he did under JVG.
The Bad:
-Rafer Alston brings the ball up. Rafer Alston dribbles into the corner. Rafer Alston gets trapped. Rafer Alston turns the ball over.
The Ugly
-Stevie Franchise makes his return to Houston, starts to play well, gets out of Adelman's dog house (no word on why he was there), promptly starts playing like shit.
Grade: B-
That's being generous considering they've played like crap recently, but they're still .500, for now.
Dallas Mavericks
Record: 14-8
The Good: I hate this fucking team.
The Bad: I mean, I really hate this fucking team
The Ugly: I fucking HATE this team
Grade: Go fuck yourselves Dallas.
No seriously, here's rusty spoon. I hope it helps.
New Orleans Hornets
Record: 14-7
The Good:
-Chris Paul is the man.
The Bad:
-Chris Paul is slightly injury prone.
The Ugly:
-David West and Peja are slightly injury prone as well.
Grade: A
They've played really well, even if they should've stayed in OKC because New Orleans can't support this team. Seriously, put the Hornets back in OKC and let the Sonics stay in Seattle. The only people who'd be pissed about this are people who think that would be cruel to do the a city that's rebuilding. Shit, they couldn't support them BEFORE the hurricane.
San Antonio Spurs
Record: 17-3
The Good:
-They're off to the best start in franchise history.
-No one is averaging even 35 minutes a game.
-They just beat Dallas and Utah without Duncan
The Bad:
-Bruce Bowen has definitely lost a step.
The Ugly:
-Francisco Elson gets called "Cisco." Matt Bonner gets called "Red Rocket."
Grade: A
Kicking ass, taking names. Any other team you'd think they'd started out too fast. Even Duncan's injury that looked like some kind of negative to balance out the Karma, but it turned out to be pretty mild.
-Dusty
A Quarter Evaluation
Most teams have already played 20 games, which is roughly 25% of the competition in the regular season. If it was a Presidential election they would have already called the winner. Good thing this is not a Presidential election. Though, David Stern might be one of the better candidates available at this point. Don't worry I am not going to write a lame ass column comparing teams to candidates in the upcoming primaries. I don't give a shit what the majority of people in New Hampshire or Iowa think about the talking heads running for the right to fuck the American people over in whatever way they think sounds the best decide. I just hope we get some Howard Dean quality soundbites out of it. No friends, I am here to talk about something far more important. The grades for the first quarter of this 2007-2008 NBA season. I have been gracious enough to give Dusty the West. My grades for the Leastern conference. These are not projections of the aggregate GPA for the year so to speak, merit is based only on performance to this point.
The NOT so LEASTERN of the bunch
A+++: The Boston Celtics. They are good so far, and damn good. The fans in New England are so far up their own asses right now it isn't funny. If somehow Bill Simmons reads this I am irrationally blaming you, just because you embody the annoying guy that is enjoying this way too much. I also might be bitter you get paid to write about this, while I sit on my couch drinking PBR and eating food that doesn't expire for another four score and seven years. Enjoy life in sunny southern Cal, Bill. We all know about the big 3, which by the way is yet another example of sports commentators recycling nicknames. Boston already had a big 3. The supporting cast has been better than anticipated. Rajon Rondo is scoring almost 9 points a game and handing out five dimes a game. Big Baby looks like he might be about to drool on himself in his ESPN profile pic, but to has shown signs of life and the ability to take up half the lane. Kendrick Perkins and Eddie House have also had a pulse. What about a Spree comeback here? He and KG play well together.
A++: The Orlando Magic. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. I was hoping this would work like Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls and he would appear on a team that didn't beg for Shaq comparisons, even if they are warranted. I have done it myself and apparently ESPN took note of it and decided to devote a page to scouting report. I like the Magic, as I have said. Jameer Nelson is coming into his own. Keith Bogans is another Kentucky castaway putting up 10ppg. Stan Van Gundy is winning games for them. Really, just read what I wrote recently, and remember that they have a Turkey product.
A: I hesitate to put the Pistons in this top tier after their recent history of mailing it when it matters. However, this is the period of the season that matters least, and unsurprisingly they have played well during this period. They have the some core players, but the one thing that could make them difficult to deal with is that their young guys Rodney Stuckey, Jason Maxiell, and Jarvis Hayes could give them an edge if they continue to develop.
Now for all the parity that supposedly exist in this league now, these are the only teams at the very second I write this that are more than a game above .500... Play ball at that clip in the other conference and you don't make the playoffs much less have a chance to get a top four seed.
The Better than Bad, They're Good bracket
B+: The Toronto Raptors. These guys have already played some games without their best player, Chris Bosh. Chris Bosh, please nobody call him CB4, he isn't Chuck and the guy deserves his own name. T.J. Ford just ran by you and you didn't even know it. That's how fast he is. He just dribbled the ball between your legs, which is impressive since you are sitting down. He's that fast. Jose Calderon is a starter on almost any other team at the point. The Raptors should walk away with the fourth seed in the conference. I guess I did make a prediction.
B:Cleveland. I know what their record is. They will lose every game they play in this league when Lebron is not on the floor. With Lebron on the floor they can win on any given night. Not four out of seven because Lebron has to do his by himself. They did get Varejao re-signed to a decently priced deal. They, being Danny Ferry, don't look quite so dumb. Actually, the perverbial they look pretty damn awful when you look at the cap numbers and the way they play when LBJ is not on the floor and they cannot play.
Wow... The air just got taken out of this column. T.J. Ford just hit the floor hard after a flagrant foul. They wheeled him off on a stretcher. Everyone keep T.J. in their thoughts and prayers given Ford's previous spinal injury. I have to take a minute.
Back soon, The Captain.
The NOT so LEASTERN of the bunch
A+++: The Boston Celtics. They are good so far, and damn good. The fans in New England are so far up their own asses right now it isn't funny. If somehow Bill Simmons reads this I am irrationally blaming you, just because you embody the annoying guy that is enjoying this way too much. I also might be bitter you get paid to write about this, while I sit on my couch drinking PBR and eating food that doesn't expire for another four score and seven years. Enjoy life in sunny southern Cal, Bill. We all know about the big 3, which by the way is yet another example of sports commentators recycling nicknames. Boston already had a big 3. The supporting cast has been better than anticipated. Rajon Rondo is scoring almost 9 points a game and handing out five dimes a game. Big Baby looks like he might be about to drool on himself in his ESPN profile pic, but to has shown signs of life and the ability to take up half the lane. Kendrick Perkins and Eddie House have also had a pulse. What about a Spree comeback here? He and KG play well together.
A++: The Orlando Magic. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. I was hoping this would work like Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls and he would appear on a team that didn't beg for Shaq comparisons, even if they are warranted. I have done it myself and apparently ESPN took note of it and decided to devote a page to scouting report. I like the Magic, as I have said. Jameer Nelson is coming into his own. Keith Bogans is another Kentucky castaway putting up 10ppg. Stan Van Gundy is winning games for them. Really, just read what I wrote recently, and remember that they have a Turkey product.
A: I hesitate to put the Pistons in this top tier after their recent history of mailing it when it matters. However, this is the period of the season that matters least, and unsurprisingly they have played well during this period. They have the some core players, but the one thing that could make them difficult to deal with is that their young guys Rodney Stuckey, Jason Maxiell, and Jarvis Hayes could give them an edge if they continue to develop.
Now for all the parity that supposedly exist in this league now, these are the only teams at the very second I write this that are more than a game above .500... Play ball at that clip in the other conference and you don't make the playoffs much less have a chance to get a top four seed.
The Better than Bad, They're Good bracket
B+: The Toronto Raptors. These guys have already played some games without their best player, Chris Bosh. Chris Bosh, please nobody call him CB4, he isn't Chuck and the guy deserves his own name. T.J. Ford just ran by you and you didn't even know it. That's how fast he is. He just dribbled the ball between your legs, which is impressive since you are sitting down. He's that fast. Jose Calderon is a starter on almost any other team at the point. The Raptors should walk away with the fourth seed in the conference. I guess I did make a prediction.
B:Cleveland. I know what their record is. They will lose every game they play in this league when Lebron is not on the floor. With Lebron on the floor they can win on any given night. Not four out of seven because Lebron has to do his by himself. They did get Varejao re-signed to a decently priced deal. They, being Danny Ferry, don't look quite so dumb. Actually, the perverbial they look pretty damn awful when you look at the cap numbers and the way they play when LBJ is not on the floor and they cannot play.
Wow... The air just got taken out of this column. T.J. Ford just hit the floor hard after a flagrant foul. They wheeled him off on a stretcher. Everyone keep T.J. in their thoughts and prayers given Ford's previous spinal injury. I have to take a minute.
Back soon, The Captain.
Monday, December 10, 2007
For Your Viewing Pleasure
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Come on Dusty. I can't get into this NBA thing. I just don't know how to pick a game to watch!"
Never fear young grasshopper. Dusty Winston has you covered.
Tuesday:
Toronto at Atlanta 7PM (ET)
WAIT! It's not 2004! This is actually a somewhat compelling matchup. Let me break it down for you.
Both of these teams are sitting right at about .500, and this means something if you're in the Eastern Conference, because, let's face it folks, outside of Boston, Detroit and Orlando, these guys suck. Atlanta and Toronto are also both currently in the playoff picture (8 & 4 seed, respectively).
Toronto has a great young team with Chris Bosh, TJ Ford (who's a helluva lot faster than I remembered...cocaine, it's a helluva drug). Plus they've got Jamario Moon. Have you seen this kid? He's getting about 8pts and 7.4 boards in about thirty minutes a game. I like this kid. He's got a lot of "intangibles."
Atlanta has a bunch of young high fliers, which makes sense since they've had a high first round pick every year since before there was ever a Bush in office. Al Horford is the best rookie in the league right now, without question (no offense KD). Plus this team is carrying my favorite college player from last year (even if he was an aggie), the one, the only, ACIE LAW IV! (I'm kinda pissed the "IV" is gone from his jersey in the pros.) All of these young, fast players. I would LOVE to see Don Nelson get his hands on this roster.
Indiana at Cleveland 7PM (ET)
One of these teams would be in the playoffs if they started tomorrow. Guess which one.
No really, guess.
The Pacers, holy shit.
You know what? The Pacers are playing WAY better than expected right now, and you know what else? I'm still not watching this fucking game. You want to know why?
No Lebron "the triple-double machine" James, no watchy.
Maybe the Pacers being in the playoff hunt makes sense since Lebron's supporting cast is so bad...no, nevermind, that still makes no fucking sense.
Minnesota at Washington 7PM (ET)
Um...no. I don't care if Minny beat Phoenix, I still don't fucking care.
Clippers at Nets 7:30PM (ET)
No. No. No. No. No.
Detroit at Memphis 8PM (ET)
Hmmmm...Detroit is actually sorta compelling, but considering I fade out during their games when I'm SOBER, then maybe that whole part about them being compelling is a load of shit.
Seattle at Chicago 8:30PM (ET)
SWEET JESUS! NO!
Interesting aside, this game will be horrible, no question. You would HAVE to be impaired to watch this game, so there's the question. Would this game be better Drunk or Stoned?
Drunk: This is definitely a drunk game for Bulls and Sonics fans. Whilst watching your horrible franchise trade bricks with the opponent, you could ponder the following questions:
Bulls fan: Why did we sign a gigantic, offensively retarded post player?
Sonics fan: What the hell does Oklahoma City have on us? Pricks.
The resolution to both of these queries will result in you throwing something. Just make sure not to hurt anyone, except possible Clay Bennett or Scott Skiles.
Stoned: This is if you're the casual observer with nothing better to do (read: college student). You can be amazed at the speed of the game. You'll also marvel at the offensive ineptitude of both teams. "How can you be paid millions of dollars a year to miss shots? Hey, pass those cheetos."
Portland at Utah 9PM (ET)
Definitely watchable.
Portland has a great young nucleus that plays pretty well together. They've got the incomparable Joe Przybilla. Maybe they're not the "Jail Blazers" anymore, but for old times sake they keep someone named Outlaw on the roster...and Darius Miles.
Utah. Good team. They'll be in the playoffs. They have a Turkey product on their roster.
San Antonio at Golden State 10:30PM (ET)
Now THIS could be an interesting game.
Reasons it could be interesting:
1. Stephen Jackson has this team playing great basketball since he came back from suspension
2. The Spurs have been playing without an injured Tim Duncan and managed to beat Dallas AND Utah.
3. Manu Ginobili is easily one of the greatest or THE greatest second round draft picks, ever.
4. No one plays more exciting basketball than the Warriors, no one.
5. Tony Parker vs. Monta Ellis. If you could somehow get TJ Ford to this game, then we could once and for all settle which guy is the fastest on the court with the ball in his hands.
Reasons it could suck:
1. Tim Duncan plays. The Spurs slow it down, pound the ball inside (giggle) and destroy the Warriors in the post. Spurs walk away with a 25 point win.
Either way, it could be great television.
-Dusty
Never fear young grasshopper. Dusty Winston has you covered.
Tuesday:
Toronto at Atlanta 7PM (ET)
WAIT! It's not 2004! This is actually a somewhat compelling matchup. Let me break it down for you.
Both of these teams are sitting right at about .500, and this means something if you're in the Eastern Conference, because, let's face it folks, outside of Boston, Detroit and Orlando, these guys suck. Atlanta and Toronto are also both currently in the playoff picture (8 & 4 seed, respectively).
Toronto has a great young team with Chris Bosh, TJ Ford (who's a helluva lot faster than I remembered...cocaine, it's a helluva drug). Plus they've got Jamario Moon. Have you seen this kid? He's getting about 8pts and 7.4 boards in about thirty minutes a game. I like this kid. He's got a lot of "intangibles."
Atlanta has a bunch of young high fliers, which makes sense since they've had a high first round pick every year since before there was ever a Bush in office. Al Horford is the best rookie in the league right now, without question (no offense KD). Plus this team is carrying my favorite college player from last year (even if he was an aggie), the one, the only, ACIE LAW IV! (I'm kinda pissed the "IV" is gone from his jersey in the pros.) All of these young, fast players. I would LOVE to see Don Nelson get his hands on this roster.
Indiana at Cleveland 7PM (ET)
One of these teams would be in the playoffs if they started tomorrow. Guess which one.
No really, guess.
The Pacers, holy shit.
You know what? The Pacers are playing WAY better than expected right now, and you know what else? I'm still not watching this fucking game. You want to know why?
No Lebron "the triple-double machine" James, no watchy.
Maybe the Pacers being in the playoff hunt makes sense since Lebron's supporting cast is so bad...no, nevermind, that still makes no fucking sense.
Minnesota at Washington 7PM (ET)
Um...no. I don't care if Minny beat Phoenix, I still don't fucking care.
Clippers at Nets 7:30PM (ET)
No. No. No. No. No.
Detroit at Memphis 8PM (ET)
Hmmmm...Detroit is actually sorta compelling, but considering I fade out during their games when I'm SOBER, then maybe that whole part about them being compelling is a load of shit.
Seattle at Chicago 8:30PM (ET)
SWEET JESUS! NO!
Interesting aside, this game will be horrible, no question. You would HAVE to be impaired to watch this game, so there's the question. Would this game be better Drunk or Stoned?
Drunk: This is definitely a drunk game for Bulls and Sonics fans. Whilst watching your horrible franchise trade bricks with the opponent, you could ponder the following questions:
Bulls fan: Why did we sign a gigantic, offensively retarded post player?
Sonics fan: What the hell does Oklahoma City have on us? Pricks.
The resolution to both of these queries will result in you throwing something. Just make sure not to hurt anyone, except possible Clay Bennett or Scott Skiles.
Stoned: This is if you're the casual observer with nothing better to do (read: college student). You can be amazed at the speed of the game. You'll also marvel at the offensive ineptitude of both teams. "How can you be paid millions of dollars a year to miss shots? Hey, pass those cheetos."
Portland at Utah 9PM (ET)
Definitely watchable.
Portland has a great young nucleus that plays pretty well together. They've got the incomparable Joe Przybilla. Maybe they're not the "Jail Blazers" anymore, but for old times sake they keep someone named Outlaw on the roster...and Darius Miles.
Utah. Good team. They'll be in the playoffs. They have a Turkey product on their roster.
San Antonio at Golden State 10:30PM (ET)
Now THIS could be an interesting game.
Reasons it could be interesting:
1. Stephen Jackson has this team playing great basketball since he came back from suspension
2. The Spurs have been playing without an injured Tim Duncan and managed to beat Dallas AND Utah.
3. Manu Ginobili is easily one of the greatest or THE greatest second round draft picks, ever.
4. No one plays more exciting basketball than the Warriors, no one.
5. Tony Parker vs. Monta Ellis. If you could somehow get TJ Ford to this game, then we could once and for all settle which guy is the fastest on the court with the ball in his hands.
Reasons it could suck:
1. Tim Duncan plays. The Spurs slow it down, pound the ball inside (giggle) and destroy the Warriors in the post. Spurs walk away with a 25 point win.
Either way, it could be great television.
-Dusty
Hallelujah, Holy Shit, Where's the Tylenol?!
I feel like Clark Griswold. Watching the Rockets makes me want to flip out that way and yell at who ever is available. Well readers, I live alone, so you get to hear it. If my Houston bias hadn't come out before, here it comes. This space is mostly here for Dusty and I's edification anyway. If Bill Simmons can be a homer, and Stephen A. Smith can find a way to mention the Knicks once a sentence I get mine, damnit! So the Rockets have lost their last two games in pretty convincing fashion. I am beginning to think that winning those six early in the season might have convinced these guys that they were already in the playoffs. No one noticed Adelman telling us to hold off on thinking that everything was Kosher because negative remarks after wins had become the standard with the previous regime. The turd they dropped tonight could have been worse, I guess. At least they cut the lead back down to 12 from 31. What's that? Oh right they were playing the Philadelphia 76'ers. This 76'ers team is bad. They don't even have fans that care enough about them to not give Andre Igoudala, far and away the best guy on the team, the same nickname as their last star player. If I am Igoudala I turn down a contract and go to team's whose fans don't just label me as the Beta version of the guy they had before, and who is still in the league. Anyway, the Rockets never really seemed to understand that spotting the other team 31 points might not be a good game plan. Steve Francis looked to be coming back into his own in the Phoenix game that seems like an eternity ago, and now when he is on the court when moves it looks like an old woman trying to unfold a rusty lawn chair. He picks up his dribble at no less than 27 feet from the basket, and looks like he would rather pass a kidney stone whenever he gets the chance to take a shot. Rafer Alston has missed the last two games, but I am not willing to give up on my move Rafer vendetta. Trade him for a shooter. Hell, call up Steve Novak or Aaraon Brooks from the D-League they both won college three point contests, and have recently torn it up in their games down close to the border. The way it could have been worse tonight is if we had mailed it in like the Knicks did when they were clearly beaten by Boston, but at least Boston is good this year. The Rockets losing this game is like getting beat up by your little sister in front of your best friends. Oh yeah, I was looking for a positive. The bench showed a pulse, and played better than their starting counter parts. Rick Adelman is going to shake up this line up. It has to happen, and it has to happen now. Scola needs to start. Bonzi needs to start. Chuck and Shane need to come of the bench to stop other teams and provide the energy boost they need off the bench. Both are model citizens and would play through this. Shane is starting to get his shot back to some degree and we need his defense, but we are not JVG's defensive stopping team anymore. If Rick Adelman is coaching it should look like a Rick Adelman team. Right now the motion offense looks like bats flying around in a room with explosions screwing up their radar. Actually bats move, bad comparison. More like road kill with T-Mac dribbling through the mess. They can't even get Yao shots on the block consistently. If anyone in the league should be saying the things that Shaq is saying right now it is Yao. Mike James should start. Let him run and gun a little bit, and I bet Tracy doesn't check himself out of games if he sees people busting their asses. The bright spot is simply that our bench showed they can play, and that we can shuffle the line up and get something out of these guys.
The Captain done publicly bitching for a bit. By the way, Merry Christmas, the shitter's full. Time to flush if you are a Houston fan.
The Captain done publicly bitching for a bit. By the way, Merry Christmas, the shitter's full. Time to flush if you are a Houston fan.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Trades
I somehow missed that we had our first comment. Thanks to Saifine. Your work on Marquis Daniel's hair rivals the work of Paul Mitchell and Salvador Dali. It truly fascinates me.
The hot topic right now is Jason Kidd possibly being traded or getting a contract extension. This does not excite because all of the trade rumors that have been bandied about to this point wouldn't change the balance of power in the league at all. New Jersey obviously would not get any better, and this team wasn't even convincing when it went to the finals not all that recently. It would be nice to see Kidd on a team that matters because he is one of the only pure point guards in the league. He is getting old and could never shoot well consistently, and given that do you think he makes the Lakers much better. This really the only team that has something to gain by adding him. Without the league's #2 dunker (that phrase needs to be used somewhere else, it makes me laugh) who they would likely have to give up in the trade the Lakers would have only one guy to pass to... Kobe. This is the same guy they pass to on every play now. Lamar Odom's health woes certainly don't help, and Luke Walton is more or less a talented version of Mark Madsen. Everybody likes him and he brings energy, but he isn't going to change the outcome of too many games. A cool trade would be Jason Kidd to the Hawks for Josh Childress,Speedy Claxton, Zaza Pachulia, and Lorenzen Wright. Childress could be signed to a reasonable contract extension. Wright is off the books at the end of the year taking 3 million off the Nets bloated cap number. Claxton is overpaid, but can play a little bit when healthy. Pachulia can spread the floor and fill in for the oft injured Kristic. None of these are long term contracts, and everyone one of these contracts is off the book in less than three years. Kidd would make the young Hawks an interesting team, and there are a lot weapons for Kidd to give the ball to in Atlanta. With no regard for plausability I am going to suggest some personnel moves that I would love to see happen.
Latrell Spreewell needs to come back; I am worried that he won't be able to feed his family soon. Seriously, where has Spree gone? This guy was playing at a high level when he left. He could go to Seattle, P.J. has coached him before. Regardless, of the fact that Spree could be on the All Crazy team (Dusty and I will write an article about this team soon, I promise) I am betting that this guy could stay play. Where he should really end up is Golden State, for one it would be a homecoming. Two, this team is already pretty crazy, what is one more nut going to do to the chemistry. Probably nothing negative.
David Lee out of New York. This guy should be somewhere that people actually basketball. Lee is the only guy on this team that hustles. How about Lee to the Suns, imagine this the Suns pick up Lee and Nate Robinson for Brian Skinner and cash and a future first rounder. Even Isaih probably would't do this, but he you never know. The Suns would have a fast back up point guard and forward coming off the bench who can rebound. The Knicks would be getting an expiring contract, some money make a lawsuit payment, and the rights to make squander someone's potential. I would also like to see Amare Soudemire and Nate Robinson have dunk contest at half times of games with those super mini trampolines that the mascots use to dunk.
AK-47 for Shawn Marion, this should have done this deal at the beginning of the year. I like the ideal of it. The Jazz are playing to well to mess up their chemistry. This trade could really make sense for both teams though.
Alright now for the one thing that really couldn't happen, but should for my amusement. The Knicks roster should become part of an expansion draft, and the people of New York City can hold elections for which of its billionaires gets to take the team from the Dolan regime. That's right take. Dolan has the lost the right to own this team. By keeping Isaih Thomas for this long, and having a swollen Yankees like payroll without being able to win like the Yankees he has lost the privlege to run the franchise. I miss the Knicks being good for the simple reason that I used to love to root against them. If you are not from New York or LA there is nothing better than rooting against these large market teams. If you are not from or do not live or have not lived in one of these cities and you root for them, you are officially one of the most annoying fans in the world. In fact you are not really even a fan at all. Anyway, I want the Knicks to be good again so I can hate them again. Right now I just don't even care about them.
Side Note: Every front row seat at games should be filled. If their is an empty seat courtside seat one it should be given to somebody in the cheapseats. Watching league pass it is amazing to see how many great seats at NBA games are empty. I don't understand this. If you had courtside season tickets and you knew you were not going to be able to go to a game wouldn't you make sure somebody got to use the tickets? If you were an owner of a team wouldn't you make sure that someone was in those seats.
The Captain signing off for now...
The hot topic right now is Jason Kidd possibly being traded or getting a contract extension. This does not excite because all of the trade rumors that have been bandied about to this point wouldn't change the balance of power in the league at all. New Jersey obviously would not get any better, and this team wasn't even convincing when it went to the finals not all that recently. It would be nice to see Kidd on a team that matters because he is one of the only pure point guards in the league. He is getting old and could never shoot well consistently, and given that do you think he makes the Lakers much better. This really the only team that has something to gain by adding him. Without the league's #2 dunker (that phrase needs to be used somewhere else, it makes me laugh) who they would likely have to give up in the trade the Lakers would have only one guy to pass to... Kobe. This is the same guy they pass to on every play now. Lamar Odom's health woes certainly don't help, and Luke Walton is more or less a talented version of Mark Madsen. Everybody likes him and he brings energy, but he isn't going to change the outcome of too many games. A cool trade would be Jason Kidd to the Hawks for Josh Childress,Speedy Claxton, Zaza Pachulia, and Lorenzen Wright. Childress could be signed to a reasonable contract extension. Wright is off the books at the end of the year taking 3 million off the Nets bloated cap number. Claxton is overpaid, but can play a little bit when healthy. Pachulia can spread the floor and fill in for the oft injured Kristic. None of these are long term contracts, and everyone one of these contracts is off the book in less than three years. Kidd would make the young Hawks an interesting team, and there are a lot weapons for Kidd to give the ball to in Atlanta. With no regard for plausability I am going to suggest some personnel moves that I would love to see happen.
Latrell Spreewell needs to come back; I am worried that he won't be able to feed his family soon. Seriously, where has Spree gone? This guy was playing at a high level when he left. He could go to Seattle, P.J. has coached him before. Regardless, of the fact that Spree could be on the All Crazy team (Dusty and I will write an article about this team soon, I promise) I am betting that this guy could stay play. Where he should really end up is Golden State, for one it would be a homecoming. Two, this team is already pretty crazy, what is one more nut going to do to the chemistry. Probably nothing negative.
David Lee out of New York. This guy should be somewhere that people actually basketball. Lee is the only guy on this team that hustles. How about Lee to the Suns, imagine this the Suns pick up Lee and Nate Robinson for Brian Skinner and cash and a future first rounder. Even Isaih probably would't do this, but he you never know. The Suns would have a fast back up point guard and forward coming off the bench who can rebound. The Knicks would be getting an expiring contract, some money make a lawsuit payment, and the rights to make squander someone's potential. I would also like to see Amare Soudemire and Nate Robinson have dunk contest at half times of games with those super mini trampolines that the mascots use to dunk.
AK-47 for Shawn Marion, this should have done this deal at the beginning of the year. I like the ideal of it. The Jazz are playing to well to mess up their chemistry. This trade could really make sense for both teams though.
Alright now for the one thing that really couldn't happen, but should for my amusement. The Knicks roster should become part of an expansion draft, and the people of New York City can hold elections for which of its billionaires gets to take the team from the Dolan regime. That's right take. Dolan has the lost the right to own this team. By keeping Isaih Thomas for this long, and having a swollen Yankees like payroll without being able to win like the Yankees he has lost the privlege to run the franchise. I miss the Knicks being good for the simple reason that I used to love to root against them. If you are not from New York or LA there is nothing better than rooting against these large market teams. If you are not from or do not live or have not lived in one of these cities and you root for them, you are officially one of the most annoying fans in the world. In fact you are not really even a fan at all. Anyway, I want the Knicks to be good again so I can hate them again. Right now I just don't even care about them.
Side Note: Every front row seat at games should be filled. If their is an empty seat courtside seat one it should be given to somebody in the cheapseats. Watching league pass it is amazing to see how many great seats at NBA games are empty. I don't understand this. If you had courtside season tickets and you knew you were not going to be able to go to a game wouldn't you make sure somebody got to use the tickets? If you were an owner of a team wouldn't you make sure that someone was in those seats.
The Captain signing off for now...
Friday, December 7, 2007
Holy Shit Balls Batman!
So I might have mentioned that the Magic were better than expected. That could have been understated. Dwight Howard is terrifying. This guy is huge! He's like Sputnik! Dwight! Slam Dunk! Now! This guy leads league in dunks by a two to one margin, and has more dunks than many teams. Of course the problem is that Andrew Bynum is next in the league in this category. Dwight Howard's dunk contest last season was wildly unappreciated. His smiling face plastered twelve and a half feet high on the backboard, how did this not win? The Magic even have their own Turkey product. The play where Tinsley dribbled the ball through the Pilgrim's Pride's legs and drops in a lay up was priceless. Maybe I should not get to high on these guys. However, how could you not like a team whose coach looks like Ron Jeremy? Are there two brothers who look less alike than the VG brothers? The Magic are scary for two primary reasons. Dwight Howard for sure. Then the previously mentioned motivation that Stan Van Gundy has to have must be hellacious motivation.
Speaking of Miami, I am interested to see if Shaq's give me the damn ball routine, apologies to Keyshawn, will do anything more than make him look just a little more washed up than he already does or if he will somehow find another gear... is another gear to get an 400lb old man off the floor. If so does it involve shoving a rocket up his... Nevermind. The real question here is how long is it before Shaq ends up turning another guard into an enemy? No one is talking about the fact that Penny and Kobe both hated Shaq enough not to want to play with him when he was still capable of playing himself into shape, which he may not be able to do anymore. Dwayne Wade is the most likeable of these guys, but he has already called Shaq out once. You get the feeling that other guys who are superstars get tired of Shaq thinking that he is not a superstar, but the Greatest Player to ever touch an orange ball. The Big Aristotle is starting to look more like the Big Asshole. He is still better than most, but he is not the MDE anymore, if he ever was. Shaq is getting dumped on for being old, I want him to get dumped on for being an annoying dick who whines when his team doesn't win.
I wanted to write about the Warriors and Capt'n Jack, but J.A. Adande already said everything in an article on ESPN today. Damnit! Why don't I get paid to say shit first? I could limit my usage of profanity and make less jokes about sex, drugs, and deviant behavior. Wait a minute that wouldn't be fun. I do have things to say that have not been said. For instance, I would compare Jackson to a dirty uncle that everyone in the family gets nervous about when you tell them that he is going to show you how to impress women. Everyone has an uncle or a cousin like this. The point being here is that even though said uncle is dangerous and takes you to the insert regional festival or bowling alley to pick up chicks the man does know how to get laid in these places. Stay with me. I am not saying this is a good thing, but if your goal is to pick up women, sometimes you have to lower your standards to raise your averages. The Warriors have decided to lower their standard of ball to the punchers chance, but they have some guys on their team who can punch. Capt' Jack is puncher. He is that uncle that teaches you how to pick up women at the Crawfish Festival, Chili Cook Off, or bowling alley setting. He's damn good at what he does. It just isn't for everyone.
I can't believe I haven't mentioned this until now, but Billy King got fired after his stellar career. This man got paid to piss off sports fans in Philadelphia. This like getting paid to shoot fish in a barrel. They boo Santa Oh, right I guess he was actually paid to put together that could win games. In that case I am not sure how he wasn't fired earlier. Does this mean that Isaih Thomas is next? I hope so.
More to come. The Captain signing off.
Speaking of Miami, I am interested to see if Shaq's give me the damn ball routine, apologies to Keyshawn, will do anything more than make him look just a little more washed up than he already does or if he will somehow find another gear... is another gear to get an 400lb old man off the floor. If so does it involve shoving a rocket up his... Nevermind. The real question here is how long is it before Shaq ends up turning another guard into an enemy? No one is talking about the fact that Penny and Kobe both hated Shaq enough not to want to play with him when he was still capable of playing himself into shape, which he may not be able to do anymore. Dwayne Wade is the most likeable of these guys, but he has already called Shaq out once. You get the feeling that other guys who are superstars get tired of Shaq thinking that he is not a superstar, but the Greatest Player to ever touch an orange ball. The Big Aristotle is starting to look more like the Big Asshole. He is still better than most, but he is not the MDE anymore, if he ever was. Shaq is getting dumped on for being old, I want him to get dumped on for being an annoying dick who whines when his team doesn't win.
I wanted to write about the Warriors and Capt'n Jack, but J.A. Adande already said everything in an article on ESPN today. Damnit! Why don't I get paid to say shit first? I could limit my usage of profanity and make less jokes about sex, drugs, and deviant behavior. Wait a minute that wouldn't be fun. I do have things to say that have not been said. For instance, I would compare Jackson to a dirty uncle that everyone in the family gets nervous about when you tell them that he is going to show you how to impress women. Everyone has an uncle or a cousin like this. The point being here is that even though said uncle is dangerous and takes you to the insert regional festival or bowling alley to pick up chicks the man does know how to get laid in these places. Stay with me. I am not saying this is a good thing, but if your goal is to pick up women, sometimes you have to lower your standards to raise your averages. The Warriors have decided to lower their standard of ball to the punchers chance, but they have some guys on their team who can punch. Capt' Jack is puncher. He is that uncle that teaches you how to pick up women at the Crawfish Festival, Chili Cook Off, or bowling alley setting. He's damn good at what he does. It just isn't for everyone.
I can't believe I haven't mentioned this until now, but Billy King got fired after his stellar career. This man got paid to piss off sports fans in Philadelphia. This like getting paid to shoot fish in a barrel. They boo Santa Oh, right I guess he was actually paid to put together that could win games. In that case I am not sure how he wasn't fired earlier. Does this mean that Isaih Thomas is next? I hope so.
More to come. The Captain signing off.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
We wasted the good surprise on you
As I said when I wrote the preview column they are popular at the beginning of the year. Good for eveyone they actually play the games. Our sorpresa of the Bulls has turned out to be more of the kind of shock you get when someone you thought would be fun to get drunk with passes out on your couch and pisses all over it. Not the good kind. The Bulls have to pull the trigger and get someone who can either motivate the team differently or get a vet that can right the ship with some consistent shooting that is contagious without giving up their core. Hell maybe I am not even right about the core...
The team that Dusty and I have affectionately taken to calling the Ball Sacs has put together some damn good games. They beat the Spurs,the Rockets, and the Jazz. They pulled away from the Jazz with Kevin Martin out for the fourth quarter. This is phenomenal. I am beginning to wonder if Reggie Theus consistently paints the visitors locker room so that the dizzying noxious fumes from all the fresh paint and paint thinner make the other team forget that they should be beating the ever living shit out of the Ball Sacs. I really don't understand how this team has gone .500 over it's last ten games. This is a team that has John Salmons playing extensive minutes and making them look smart for it. Beno Udrih is one of the few guys that the Spurs have made a personnel mistake with in the last few years. The Ball Sacs might be able to play, I cannot help but wonder how this has happened or how long it can continue to happen.
The good surprise this year would be the Orlando Magic with the beta version of Shaq. The Rashard Lewis move looked Ok at best given the massive price tag, but no one could have predicted that they would start this hot. The thing is Howard looks like he can keep this up, and really there is no reason that he should not. There was a debate when this guy came out whether or not he was going to be better than Emeka Okafor, and now I don't think anyone would debate this now. Howard is damn good, but more than that I think this is Stan Van Gundy giving Pat Riley the ol' eat shit and die for taking my title routine. Stan Van Gundy is taking this roster that petered out big time last year plus Rashard Lewis and making them look like a legit contender in the East. This team plays pretty well against the West actually. They beat the Warriors in OT last night in what was one of the best games of the regular season so far. Capt'n Jack deserves his own story.
Denver I don't think I was too far off on, and they could continue to play at a high level if Melo doesn't flip shit and sucker punch someone this year.
A funny note on the Ball Sacs, err... Kings vs Jazz game. One of the commentators referred to Memo Okur as a Turkey product. He is from Turkey, but I would love to see him sponsor something from Jenny-O or Pilgrim's Pride.
More to come... The Captain signing off.
The team that Dusty and I have affectionately taken to calling the Ball Sacs has put together some damn good games. They beat the Spurs,the Rockets, and the Jazz. They pulled away from the Jazz with Kevin Martin out for the fourth quarter. This is phenomenal. I am beginning to wonder if Reggie Theus consistently paints the visitors locker room so that the dizzying noxious fumes from all the fresh paint and paint thinner make the other team forget that they should be beating the ever living shit out of the Ball Sacs. I really don't understand how this team has gone .500 over it's last ten games. This is a team that has John Salmons playing extensive minutes and making them look smart for it. Beno Udrih is one of the few guys that the Spurs have made a personnel mistake with in the last few years. The Ball Sacs might be able to play, I cannot help but wonder how this has happened or how long it can continue to happen.
The good surprise this year would be the Orlando Magic with the beta version of Shaq. The Rashard Lewis move looked Ok at best given the massive price tag, but no one could have predicted that they would start this hot. The thing is Howard looks like he can keep this up, and really there is no reason that he should not. There was a debate when this guy came out whether or not he was going to be better than Emeka Okafor, and now I don't think anyone would debate this now. Howard is damn good, but more than that I think this is Stan Van Gundy giving Pat Riley the ol' eat shit and die for taking my title routine. Stan Van Gundy is taking this roster that petered out big time last year plus Rashard Lewis and making them look like a legit contender in the East. This team plays pretty well against the West actually. They beat the Warriors in OT last night in what was one of the best games of the regular season so far. Capt'n Jack deserves his own story.
Denver I don't think I was too far off on, and they could continue to play at a high level if Melo doesn't flip shit and sucker punch someone this year.
A funny note on the Ball Sacs, err... Kings vs Jazz game. One of the commentators referred to Memo Okur as a Turkey product. He is from Turkey, but I would love to see him sponsor something from Jenny-O or Pilgrim's Pride.
More to come... The Captain signing off.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Saturday Night Fever
By referencing a John Travolta movie I might be dooming this column, especially since I have never even been able to sit all the way through this movie. However, there really aren't many good Saturday titles to steal. I mean I am not going to use an Elton John song to lable my column for Christ Sakes. Although I would love to see the Mavs play by play announcer refer to Avery Johnson a the tiny dancer on the sidelines. This week has seen some interesting developments.
Carmelo Anthony tried to choke slam that guy on the Lakers no one had ever paid any attention to before he dropped 22 on the Nuggets earlier this week. Carmelo is going to have to grow out of this even if he is from Baltimore. He would have been the MVP last year if he had not been suspended for fifteen games. I firmly believe this. I understand the NBA's suspension rules given the Auburn Hills incident, but if you remember it was not that long ago that the Knicks and Heat games were sure fire slugfest. Charles Oakley hasn't been out of the league so long either. Speaking of the Knicks.
I really didn't want to even touch this one, but damn I guess it is obligatory. This was the most embarassing lost in league history, nevermind the fact that Nate Robinson's heave at the end saved them from the technicality. I wish I could get paid the money that Isiah Thomas gets paid to be that bad at my job. It is his job to make sure that the Knicks know which nights there games are, and these guys looked worse than the Varsity Blues squad after a night with Ms. Davis. Thomas has become a parody of himself. If the Knicks were smart they would petition David Stern to dissolve their team this summer and start over with an expansion draft. If he could set it up where they got Ewing back in the day he could do this right. The people of New York would be forever greatful.
Durant dropped 35 last night. Kevin Durant is just smooth. The kid is going to be amazing, and the Celtics fans cheering their new big three will in the end still be pissed that this year's draft didn't play out differently. I am realtively convinced that David Stern stepped in on this one too after the Ping Pong balls didn't bounceright and forced Danny Ainge to make some moves that were more dramatic than fogging a mirror. The NBA could not have the Knicks and the Celtics suck as bad as they did last season simultaneously again. This would have been horrific for Stern who knows that the marquee east coast teams need to be big in order for the league to match his vision. Back to Durant. He has the potential to be the best scorer in the league with in the next two years because he can score from some many different ways. When he was at Texas he was as good as Melo was in his year at Cuse, but he had now Gerry Mc to take them into the final four. Durant will shoot a bad percentage this year, but will be above forty percent from the field by next year once his moves catch up to the speed of the NBA game.
Golden State has recovered from their Jackless start. Stephen Jackson is terrifying. He is the man that makes sure that no one tries to tweak the fantastic Mr. Glass, also known as Baron Davis. Davis is damn good, but the over and under for him staying on the floor past January has to make Warriors fans nervous. Everyone already knows that I am a fan of Kelenna Azkubuike. The Jason Richardson move might still come back to haunt them because he was the guy that led this team who was not crazy. Davis is not the leader of this team even if he is the heart of it. Baron will play his ass off, and he should take the last shot of the game. He still doesn't keep the ducks in a row the way that Richardson once did and Jackson does when he isn't too busy giving officials the stink eye.
The Hornets are all on the floor, quick go knock on wood. They look good too. I love to watch this team for a couple of reasons. CP3 is the obvious one, but there are some others too. David West is a big man who can really play, especially when he can funnel people to the beta version of Ben Wallace, Tyson Chandler. They worked out the personality programming issues on the beta version and he is capable of throwing the ball in basket at a clip better than the starting center for the Washington Generals. The next reason is that Peja is becoming Jeff Hornacek. He is doing the long hair come over that is cemented with hair gel. They have the same sweet shooting touch, but Peja if you remeber Peja actually has the ability to average twenty a game. He has not done it recently, but if he can stay healthy (along with Paul, West, Chandler, and Jackson) I wouldn't count New Orleans out in the West as a first rounder nobody wants to see. The Southwest is gruesome. If the Hornets were still in Charlotte with this line up then they would be a top three seed easy.
Worst nick names in the NBA... sorry for the lack of a transition. Here is the first installment of this list, feel free to add, I'm sure Dusty will.
Red Rocket- The Spurs commentators call this man the Red Rocket without apology every game. I guess it's slightly better than lipstick. Still South Park pops in mind every time.
J-Ho- Josh Howard cannot like this name. This also speaks to the larger point that the people who call games need to quit smashing the first letter of someone's first name with the first half of their last name. It was never all that cool, and it is really taken on a life of its own. This should be stopped.
Scal- Brian Scalabrine doesn't really even warrant a nickname, not that Matt Bonner does, but this sounds too much like scab.
Black Mamba- for reasons already mentioned in this space.
Starbury- this man is no longer a star. Let's not give him any reason to think more highly of himself than he already does.
More to come... the Captain signing off for now.
Carmelo Anthony tried to choke slam that guy on the Lakers no one had ever paid any attention to before he dropped 22 on the Nuggets earlier this week. Carmelo is going to have to grow out of this even if he is from Baltimore. He would have been the MVP last year if he had not been suspended for fifteen games. I firmly believe this. I understand the NBA's suspension rules given the Auburn Hills incident, but if you remember it was not that long ago that the Knicks and Heat games were sure fire slugfest. Charles Oakley hasn't been out of the league so long either. Speaking of the Knicks.
I really didn't want to even touch this one, but damn I guess it is obligatory. This was the most embarassing lost in league history, nevermind the fact that Nate Robinson's heave at the end saved them from the technicality. I wish I could get paid the money that Isiah Thomas gets paid to be that bad at my job. It is his job to make sure that the Knicks know which nights there games are, and these guys looked worse than the Varsity Blues squad after a night with Ms. Davis. Thomas has become a parody of himself. If the Knicks were smart they would petition David Stern to dissolve their team this summer and start over with an expansion draft. If he could set it up where they got Ewing back in the day he could do this right. The people of New York would be forever greatful.
Durant dropped 35 last night. Kevin Durant is just smooth. The kid is going to be amazing, and the Celtics fans cheering their new big three will in the end still be pissed that this year's draft didn't play out differently. I am realtively convinced that David Stern stepped in on this one too after the Ping Pong balls didn't bounceright and forced Danny Ainge to make some moves that were more dramatic than fogging a mirror. The NBA could not have the Knicks and the Celtics suck as bad as they did last season simultaneously again. This would have been horrific for Stern who knows that the marquee east coast teams need to be big in order for the league to match his vision. Back to Durant. He has the potential to be the best scorer in the league with in the next two years because he can score from some many different ways. When he was at Texas he was as good as Melo was in his year at Cuse, but he had now Gerry Mc to take them into the final four. Durant will shoot a bad percentage this year, but will be above forty percent from the field by next year once his moves catch up to the speed of the NBA game.
Golden State has recovered from their Jackless start. Stephen Jackson is terrifying. He is the man that makes sure that no one tries to tweak the fantastic Mr. Glass, also known as Baron Davis. Davis is damn good, but the over and under for him staying on the floor past January has to make Warriors fans nervous. Everyone already knows that I am a fan of Kelenna Azkubuike. The Jason Richardson move might still come back to haunt them because he was the guy that led this team who was not crazy. Davis is not the leader of this team even if he is the heart of it. Baron will play his ass off, and he should take the last shot of the game. He still doesn't keep the ducks in a row the way that Richardson once did and Jackson does when he isn't too busy giving officials the stink eye.
The Hornets are all on the floor, quick go knock on wood. They look good too. I love to watch this team for a couple of reasons. CP3 is the obvious one, but there are some others too. David West is a big man who can really play, especially when he can funnel people to the beta version of Ben Wallace, Tyson Chandler. They worked out the personality programming issues on the beta version and he is capable of throwing the ball in basket at a clip better than the starting center for the Washington Generals. The next reason is that Peja is becoming Jeff Hornacek. He is doing the long hair come over that is cemented with hair gel. They have the same sweet shooting touch, but Peja if you remeber Peja actually has the ability to average twenty a game. He has not done it recently, but if he can stay healthy (along with Paul, West, Chandler, and Jackson) I wouldn't count New Orleans out in the West as a first rounder nobody wants to see. The Southwest is gruesome. If the Hornets were still in Charlotte with this line up then they would be a top three seed easy.
Worst nick names in the NBA... sorry for the lack of a transition. Here is the first installment of this list, feel free to add, I'm sure Dusty will.
Red Rocket- The Spurs commentators call this man the Red Rocket without apology every game. I guess it's slightly better than lipstick. Still South Park pops in mind every time.
J-Ho- Josh Howard cannot like this name. This also speaks to the larger point that the people who call games need to quit smashing the first letter of someone's first name with the first half of their last name. It was never all that cool, and it is really taken on a life of its own. This should be stopped.
Scal- Brian Scalabrine doesn't really even warrant a nickname, not that Matt Bonner does, but this sounds too much like scab.
Black Mamba- for reasons already mentioned in this space.
Starbury- this man is no longer a star. Let's not give him any reason to think more highly of himself than he already does.
More to come... the Captain signing off for now.
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