A Quarter Evaluation

Most teams have already played 20 games, which is roughly 25% of the competition in the regular season. If it was a Presidential election they would have already called the winner. Good thing this is not a Presidential election. Though, David Stern might be one of the better candidates available at this point. Don't worry I am not going to write a lame ass column comparing teams to candidates in the upcoming primaries. I don't give a shit what the majority of people in New Hampshire or Iowa think about the talking heads running for the right to fuck the American people over in whatever way they think sounds the best decide. I just hope we get some Howard Dean quality soundbites out of it. No friends, I am here to talk about something far more important. The grades for the first quarter of this 2007-2008 NBA season. I have been gracious enough to give Dusty the West. My grades for the Leastern conference. These are not projections of the aggregate GPA for the year so to speak, merit is based only on performance to this point.

The NOT so LEASTERN of the bunch

A+++: The Boston Celtics. They are good so far, and damn good. The fans in New England are so far up their own asses right now it isn't funny. If somehow Bill Simmons reads this I am irrationally blaming you, just because you embody the annoying guy that is enjoying this way too much. I also might be bitter you get paid to write about this, while I sit on my couch drinking PBR and eating food that doesn't expire for another four score and seven years. Enjoy life in sunny southern Cal, Bill. We all know about the big 3, which by the way is yet another example of sports commentators recycling nicknames. Boston already had a big 3. The supporting cast has been better than anticipated. Rajon Rondo is scoring almost 9 points a game and handing out five dimes a game. Big Baby looks like he might be about to drool on himself in his ESPN profile pic, but to has shown signs of life and the ability to take up half the lane. Kendrick Perkins and Eddie House have also had a pulse. What about a Spree comeback here? He and KG play well together.

A++: The Orlando Magic. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. I was hoping this would work like Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls and he would appear on a team that didn't beg for Shaq comparisons, even if they are warranted. I have done it myself and apparently ESPN took note of it and decided to devote a page to scouting report. I like the Magic, as I have said. Jameer Nelson is coming into his own. Keith Bogans is another Kentucky castaway putting up 10ppg. Stan Van Gundy is winning games for them. Really, just read what I wrote recently, and remember that they have a Turkey product.

A: I hesitate to put the Pistons in this top tier after their recent history of mailing it when it matters. However, this is the period of the season that matters least, and unsurprisingly they have played well during this period. They have the some core players, but the one thing that could make them difficult to deal with is that their young guys Rodney Stuckey, Jason Maxiell, and Jarvis Hayes could give them an edge if they continue to develop.

Now for all the parity that supposedly exist in this league now, these are the only teams at the very second I write this that are more than a game above .500... Play ball at that clip in the other conference and you don't make the playoffs much less have a chance to get a top four seed.

The Better than Bad, They're Good bracket

B+: The Toronto Raptors. These guys have already played some games without their best player, Chris Bosh. Chris Bosh, please nobody call him CB4, he isn't Chuck and the guy deserves his own name. T.J. Ford just ran by you and you didn't even know it. That's how fast he is. He just dribbled the ball between your legs, which is impressive since you are sitting down. He's that fast. Jose Calderon is a starter on almost any other team at the point. The Raptors should walk away with the fourth seed in the conference. I guess I did make a prediction.

B:Cleveland. I know what their record is. They will lose every game they play in this league when Lebron is not on the floor. With Lebron on the floor they can win on any given night. Not four out of seven because Lebron has to do his by himself. They did get Varejao re-signed to a decently priced deal. They, being Danny Ferry, don't look quite so dumb. Actually, the perverbial they look pretty damn awful when you look at the cap numbers and the way they play when LBJ is not on the floor and they cannot play.

Wow... The air just got taken out of this column. T.J. Ford just hit the floor hard after a flagrant foul. They wheeled him off on a stretcher. Everyone keep T.J. in their thoughts and prayers given Ford's previous spinal injury. I have to take a minute.

Back soon, The Captain.