Western Conference Grades

It's about twenty games in to the season. The Captain and I decided the time was right for the first quarter grades. We have taken slightly different approaches, but you, being a wise reader, will undoubtedly make sense of it all.

A good teacher will, when possible, take into account how a student is doing compared to what they are capable of doing*. Keeping this in mind, I am off to grade the Western Conference.

* I am in no way saying I'm capable of teaching anyone in the NBA SHIT.

By the way, I'm taking this on like a spaghetti western.

Northwest Division:

Utah Jazz
Record: 13-8

The Good:
-Carlos Boozer is having a great season averaging better than 25/11 a night.
-Deron Williams is averaging the most minutes on the team, and he's only at 37 a night

The Bad:
-They have some really bad loses to the Knicks, the Ball Sacs and Indy. Not that they got blown out(well, Indy kicked them around), but losing to those teams looks bad if you consider yourself a contender, even early on and even if the Sacs have been extra frisky on occassion.

The Ugly
-Mehmet Okur. Two words: eyebrow wax.

Grade: B+.
Two really inexcusable loses, Knicks and Sac. This team should be 15-6.

Seattle Supersonics
Record: 5-16

The Good:
-um...Eight of their loses have been by seven points or less. Not bad, considering this team was expected to be terrible.

The Bad:
-Kevin Durant is shooting 39% for the season. Considering he's the primary offensive weapon right now, that isn't so good.

The Ugly:
-Terrible record. Owner plans on moving the team. Pissed off fans. It's ugly all around.

Grade: D
They're supposed to be bad, but if you get paid millions of dollars, then you need to win SOME of the close games.

Portland Trailblazers
Record: 8-12

The Good:
-Even without Greg Oden, this team is looking better than expected for this season. They've lost close games to good teams (San Antonio) and beaten some good teams (Dallas, Detroit, New Orleans).

The Bad:
-Lamarcus Aldridge is the leader in nearly every statistical category. He goes down, this frisky team could go right down with him.

The Ugly:
-This team has made several very good personel moves, and then they drafted Josh McRoberts. Really? WTF?

Grade: B

Minnesota Timberwolves
Record: 3-15

The Good:
-They just managed to knock off Phoenix!

The Bad:
-Let's see...they have a grand total of three wins.

The Ugly:
-Antoine Walker is their veteran leadership and he's being paid over 8 million dollars a year. Yikes.

Grade: D
They're bad. They have one of the leagues biggest cry babies for veteran leadership, and Kevin McHale is still their GM.

Denver Nuggets
Record:13-8

The Good:
-Marcus Camby is averaging more than three blocks a game. That's ridiculous folks.
-Just about this entire team is shooting around over 40% from the field. Yikes.
-Iverson and Anthony are two of the top scorers in the entire league.

The Bad:
-I realize he's impossible to take off the court, but Allen Iverson is averaging about forty minutes a night.

The Ugly:
-Maybe I'm beating a dead horse, but they lost to the Knicks.

Grade: B+
They really should have at least two more wins.

Pacific Division:

Sacramento Kings (Ball Sacs)
Record: 8-12

The Good:
-Kevin Martin.
-The Redemption of Beno Udrih
-This team looks REAL frisky sometimes.

The Bad:
-Their best two players (Martin and Ron-Ron) are both averaging about forty minutes a night.

The Ugly:
-Check out the player picture of Brad Miller on espn.com. He looks like a grown up version of Alf alfa.

Grade:C
Something about Reggie Theus' metrosexualtiy is confusing this team into playing well occassionally.

Phoenix Suns
Record: 16-6

The Good:
-They're playing very good basketball while keeping their main players minutes down.

The Bad:
-They don't SEEM like they're playing very good basketball when I watch them, and they just lost to Minny (inexcusable).

The Ugly:
-It just seems like the fact that they need cap space and that Marion and Stoudemire can't exist in the same zip code together (rumor) is going to hurt this team sometime. This team used to be fun to watch play. They seem like they're not having any fun now.

Grade: A-
They're winning games, so I guess that's what matters, right now at least.

L.A. Lakers
Record: 12-8

The Good:
-Apparently the rest of the Lakers decided to show Kobe that they don't totally suck.

The Bad:
-The rest of the Lakers actually DO suck (at least comparative to Kobe, which might be unfair, but whatever).

The Ugly:
-At some point this season the "Bad" is going to show up, and Kobe'll probably push for a trade again. It's just a matter of time.

Grade: B
Seriously, did you think they'd be a playoff team as of now? I sure didn't.

L.A. Clippers
Record: 7-12

The Good:
-Chris Kaman is averaging three blocks a game! He's also apparently becoming comfortable talking to members of the opposite sex, aw, big ugly is growing up.

The Bad:
-This team is bad. Just plain bad.

The Ugly:
-I won't lie to you folks. I really do my best to avoid seeing this team play.

Grade: C-
They're bad. They were supposed to be bad because Elton Brand is out.

Golden State Warriors
Record 11-9

The Good:
-Record before Stephen Jackson came back from suspension: 1-6 Record after his return: 10-3.
-They are the most entertaining team right now, no one else is close.

The Bad:
-Baron Davis WILL get hurt. It's going to happen. It's as certain as the tides, the sun rising in the east or Stephen Jackson's next suspension from the league...

The Ugly:
-This team should still be vulnerable to a team with a good post player, so they're still just as vulnerable as last season.

Grade: B
It may look like you're watching a pick up game at the Y sometimes, but it's the best pick up game you've ever seen.


Now, the for the best division in basketball.

Southwest Division:

Memphis Grizzlies
Record: 6-14

The Good:
-Rudy Gay might have been on the all "not sure if he gives a shit" team in college, but he's been about as good as advertised in the pros.
-Juan Carlos Navarro has been the best Spaniard in the NBA so far this season.

The Bad:
-Juan Carlos Navarro has been the best Spaniard in the NBA this season. Hello, Pau? Time to show up and play. (That's right, 17/7 isn't good enough for me)

The Ugly:
-It kind looks like the Darko and Pau are planning to take over President Harrison Ford's plane sometime this season. Hey, it's the all terrorist look alike team!

Grade: C
I know they weren't supposed to be great, but I still think they're underachieving.

Houston Rockets
Record: 11-11

The Good:
-Scola looks like he's starting to adjust to the style of the NBA.
-Bonzi is playing much better on Adelman than he did under JVG.

The Bad:
-Rafer Alston brings the ball up. Rafer Alston dribbles into the corner. Rafer Alston gets trapped. Rafer Alston turns the ball over.

The Ugly
-Stevie Franchise makes his return to Houston, starts to play well, gets out of Adelman's dog house (no word on why he was there), promptly starts playing like shit.

Grade: B-
That's being generous considering they've played like crap recently, but they're still .500, for now.

Dallas Mavericks
Record: 14-8

The Good: I hate this fucking team.

The Bad: I mean, I really hate this fucking team

The Ugly: I fucking HATE this team

Grade: Go fuck yourselves Dallas.
No seriously, here's rusty spoon. I hope it helps.

New Orleans Hornets
Record: 14-7

The Good:
-Chris Paul is the man.

The Bad:
-Chris Paul is slightly injury prone.

The Ugly:
-David West and Peja are slightly injury prone as well.

Grade: A
They've played really well, even if they should've stayed in OKC because New Orleans can't support this team. Seriously, put the Hornets back in OKC and let the Sonics stay in Seattle. The only people who'd be pissed about this are people who think that would be cruel to do the a city that's rebuilding. Shit, they couldn't support them BEFORE the hurricane.


San Antonio Spurs
Record: 17-3

The Good:
-They're off to the best start in franchise history.
-No one is averaging even 35 minutes a game.
-They just beat Dallas and Utah without Duncan

The Bad:
-Bruce Bowen has definitely lost a step.

The Ugly:
-Francisco Elson gets called "Cisco." Matt Bonner gets called "Red Rocket."

Grade: A
Kicking ass, taking names. Any other team you'd think they'd started out too fast. Even Duncan's injury that looked like some kind of negative to balance out the Karma, but it turned out to be pretty mild.


-Dusty