Some thoughts here for your Wednesday reading enjoyment. First off Dusty's confusion over Marquis Daniel's hair is justified. Speaking of hair in the league, or a lack there of, I really want to send Ginobli some of the Ronco hair spray paint for his bald spot. This would be a great commercial too, Manu and Ron Pompeil talking about the product and spraying each other's head. Then close ups during the game would show the spray bleeding as Manu sweats black bullets. Ok enough of that.
How bad are the Wiz without Hibachi! Gil Arenas is like a crazy girlfriend who is super hot, but basically the harmless kind of crazy. Let me clarify, if you were going to continue this analogy we are talking the kind of crazy girlfriend who screams out state capitols during sex. Not the kind of girl who decides that she no longer likes your clothes and starts giving them to Goodwill one piece at a time over a few weeks until you begin to wander why in the hell you have no laundry and your closet is empty. The kind of girl who dresses up like Rainbow Bright and... Not the kind of girl who throws dishes at you after you didn't wash them. You get the point. So for those of you who don't like Gil you have to learn how to embrace the crazy because the Wizards have no one else on that team that can finish games or cause other teams to completely fall apaprt because they cannot guard him. Antwan Jamison will get numbers, but he won't win games on his own. Clock down to three seconds Gil shakes his man and from thirty feet... Montpelier! Get well soon Gil.
The Wiz are about as bad as the Suns are when Steve Nash is not on the floor. The Suns look lost when Nash isn't on the floor. They don't have a back up point guard. They really don't play a back up point guard, who does this? No one that's who. Why haven't the Suns won a championship because no one can give Steve Nash a break and keep the other team from making a run. Yes you can talk about the suspensions last year, but the fact that no one can spell Nash is the reason that Suns cannot get to the Finals. They couldn't have traded Kurt Thomas for a serviceable low price back up? For a smart team this is pretty damn stupid. I am in an analogy mood. This is like buying a Ducati motorcycle with all of the ammenities. This is the sweetest little speed bike you can imagine, and you live in the desert so it is ideal. However, even in the desert it rains. You don't own a car. Not even a beater, so that you have something with a roof for when the rain comes. Shit you didn't even buy rain gear. Somehow if you are the Suns it flash floods in May every year and you never learn your lesson.
Steve Francis is proving that he is worth twenty minutes a night at least. Rafer can be serviceable at twenty minutes a night (even though Mike James should take those minutes). I don't even know why I condoned Rafer at all, I will continue to use this space to dog him from here on out until he wins some critical games instead of making you want to throw the remote through the TV. Steve can be the spark plug on this team. For twelve minutes in the first half Steve remembered who he was. He may not play like Stevie Franchise anymore, but he can still make some shots, pick some pockets, and make you lean forward in your seat. If he learns to follow his shot again we are looking at a dangerous man once again. If you remember this is a guy that used to average more than five rebounds a game. He will never jump out of the gym again, but he is smarter now and makes better decisions. Taking the foul to give and calling for a two for one in the second half on consecutive plays are not things he would not have done in the past. The passes he is making now that he is getting some minutes are down right impressive. The man made the game winning shot. If Rafer Alston had taken this shot I would still be picking up pieces of broken glass. Steve is back, and back in force. Remember other than not being over seven feet tall and not being Chinese he is exactly like Yao Ming, look this old gem up in Sports Illustrated.
Carlos Boozer is dominant. This is a large man making some large plays. Another Cleveland flub, but to be fair he did lie on that one. Anyway, the fact is that the Utah Jazz are going to continue to be good when Boozer is on the floor because he can shoot the midrange and flat out clear the paint out when he needs to do it.The spacing that the Jazz can get with Okur and Boozer on the floor is amazing. Deron Williams could drive a truck through those holes. Too bad for the people in Salt Lake City that Jerry Sloan cannot figure out how to get along with AK. AK remember is one of the most versatile players in the league when he isn't opining for the Motherland. Even though it is one of the more pointless exercises in sports lets think about the teams that passed on Boozer in the draft. Literally every team in the league passed on this man. This isn't should someone have picked him up earlier in the first round... he went in the second round. Let's think about this, a big man who dominated in college could not possibly help a team out in the pros. Power forwards who can play like this are few and far between. They should not be the sixth pick in the second round. Amare Stoudemire and Yao Ming are the only other big men in this draft even worth mentioning in the same breath and they were both top ten picks.
On a sadder note condolensces to the family of Sean Taylor. This was truly pointless.
The Captain signing off.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Wasting a Tuesday
A responsible person would spend their evening finishing up things for work. This same responsible person might also start planning for work tomorrow. Those things would be accomplished by a responsible person. An irresponsible person would spend the evening watching basketball and making the following observations:
-The Hawks and the Bulls showed up in Chicago and a college basketball game broke out. Halftime score was Hawks - 30 Bulls - 34
-The average alcoholic/drug abusing basketball fan might actually mistake this for a college game. Former college standouts seen on the court thus far: Kirk Heinrich, Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Chris Duhon, Al Horford, Marvin Williams, Josh Childress and Josh Childress' afro.
-Speaking of Josh Childress' afro, isn't it amazing? It seems like such a throwback. Everytime I see him on the court I feel like I should see him taking outlet passes from Bill Walton or throwing up dimes to Walt Clyde Frazier. Now that I mention hair...
-Have you seen Marquis Daniels current..ehem...style? I'm searching for words to describe this...this...coiffure. It's like he made pony tails all over his head and pulled them back together on the crown of his head then pilled the various strands on top of each other in random fashion (see how confused I am? Do you see the run-on sentence I just wrote trying to describe it?). The pile of hair he has makes me think of a samurai's hairstyle, but I have absolutely no idea why it makes me think of that...
-Inexplicable NBA ad #3,467. "Come see your Nuggets play! See A.I! Melo! Najera!" I swear I didn't make that last part up. I like Eddie Najera, really I do, but isn't Marcus Camby a bigger star? Hell, even Linas Kleiza is more exciting as a player. Najera is like a slightly more talented and less prone to grimacing Mark Madsen. I did just find this out though, he makes JUST shy of $5 million this year. I wish I was making that up. Speaking of over paid...
-Travis Diener is like that prick you played against in Y-League that you KNEW wasn't better than you. He just happened to be a better ball handler, passer, scorer, a little faster and...shit.
-The Nuggets dancers are wearing some little pink and white ensemble that is just, Sweet Jesus, I gotta go.
-Dusty
-The Hawks and the Bulls showed up in Chicago and a college basketball game broke out. Halftime score was Hawks - 30 Bulls - 34
-The average alcoholic/drug abusing basketball fan might actually mistake this for a college game. Former college standouts seen on the court thus far: Kirk Heinrich, Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, Chris Duhon, Al Horford, Marvin Williams, Josh Childress and Josh Childress' afro.
-Speaking of Josh Childress' afro, isn't it amazing? It seems like such a throwback. Everytime I see him on the court I feel like I should see him taking outlet passes from Bill Walton or throwing up dimes to Walt Clyde Frazier. Now that I mention hair...
-Have you seen Marquis Daniels current..ehem...style? I'm searching for words to describe this...this...coiffure. It's like he made pony tails all over his head and pulled them back together on the crown of his head then pilled the various strands on top of each other in random fashion (see how confused I am? Do you see the run-on sentence I just wrote trying to describe it?). The pile of hair he has makes me think of a samurai's hairstyle, but I have absolutely no idea why it makes me think of that...
-Inexplicable NBA ad #3,467. "Come see your Nuggets play! See A.I! Melo! Najera!" I swear I didn't make that last part up. I like Eddie Najera, really I do, but isn't Marcus Camby a bigger star? Hell, even Linas Kleiza is more exciting as a player. Najera is like a slightly more talented and less prone to grimacing Mark Madsen. I did just find this out though, he makes JUST shy of $5 million this year. I wish I was making that up. Speaking of over paid...
-Travis Diener is like that prick you played against in Y-League that you KNEW wasn't better than you. He just happened to be a better ball handler, passer, scorer, a little faster and...shit.
-The Nuggets dancers are wearing some little pink and white ensemble that is just, Sweet Jesus, I gotta go.
-Dusty
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Singles
I referenced a bad movie from the early nineties not too long ago in Reality Bites... For some unknown reason there is a debate about whether Singles or Reality Bites is better. Cameron Crowe's involvement in Singles is the reason that a movie that features cameos by Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, and Tim Burton is not remembered in the Pantheon of nineties movies. Engaging in this debate is somewhat inane. They both suck, but in the spirit of that debate (if Chuck Klosterman can do it why can't I) I am going to let you know about some of the best Singles in the league to this point.
Kevin Martin- This guy plays for what might be one of the worst teams in recent memory not GM'd by Billy King or Isiah Thomas. These guys rely on Ron Artest to be their guide, and I am struggling to think of a guide that has been this bad since the Donner Party. Too bad we will never get a chance to see John Candy play Ron Artest in a movie. Kevin Martin is scoring 25 points a game. How long can this last when defenses have to worry about respecting Kenny Thomas and Shareef Abdur Rhahim? I am sure Reggie Theus can figure out a way to get these guys to at least feed their dogs if he can impose a curfew. Martin though is a genuine talent, and another one of those guys that can just flat out move with the ball in his hands. For that matter he can move without it in his hands. This guy looks like another Rip Hamilton in the making if anyone on his team figures out how to set a screen and give him the ball in open space to shoot. Some team needs to figure out what it will take for Sacramento to make a trade to get this guy some print in an article that more than a dozen people will read. This guy is so money and no one even knows it.
I know I am supposed to maintain a theme using the Singles references, but I cannot in good faith make references to a Cameron Crowe movie for an entire column. I mean I hated myself for wanting to call Kevin Martin Almost Famous. Lets just change this focus to great individual starts for the season. I feel better about myself even though that is a lame title, at least you know I am not obligated to completely fuck up the end of the piece as Crowe seems to find a way to do with pretty much every movie you want to name.
Kelenna Azkubuike- 15 pts and 5 rbds a game. Another undrafted Kentucky product, ala Chuck Hayes, who has been passed around like a bad case of the clap, is making Golden State look smart for picking him up here. He has been cut twice, and word has it that both the Cavaliers and Rockets tried to patent his ass as a seat warmer and sell the rights to Cadillac before they sent him packing after a smattering of preseason games. You think Cleveland does not need someone who can score the ball and play hard every evening. I wonder how many times a week Lebron James lights paper sacks full of dog crap on fire at Danny Ferry's doorstep? If I were Lebron I would do this after every loss, and I wouldn't bother to run. This guy comes from a group of players that Ferry's Midas touch has sent to other teams without getting any compensation for what so ever. Awesome. Azkubuike is going to be good enough to get minutes with Stephen Jackson back in the line up as John Hollinger astutely points out in his surprises column. To show you that I am not going to copy Hollinger's list I am going to mix it up here.
Kobe Bryant- Ok I lied maybe I am going to take a Cameron Crowe approach here and use over used plot device/subject that people can't argue with in the middle of the piece, but stay with me. Bryant has not been so great for what he has done, but what he hasn't. Needy superstar, yes. Player, a Bigger Yes. Bryant has put up his numbers and made his teammates better, and last time I checked the Lakers should still suck according to Kobe's assesment of the team this summer. Bryant could kill this team if he wanted to, and force a trade out of LA like Vince Carter and Alonzo Morning did in Toronto. Kobe likes to win though, and the thought of sitting back like Vince did to force a trade makes Kobe Beatrix Kiddo angry. He might decide to assasinate the rest of the league Black Mamba style in spite of Mitch Kupchak and not because of him. Kobe's abduction of this nickname is still unforgivable though. However thinking about Kobe wanting to be a six foot tall blonde woman make me laugh. My point stands though. Kobe could have submarined this team, and the Lakers could have started the way that we all expected them to when Kobe was being more vocal about his lack of a supporting cast.
Rafer Alston for being the only player in the league paid by every other team. Rafer flat out kills the Rockets when he is on the floor even when his numbers don't show it. Steve has proved he can be better, on this very night. Rafer is worth a draft pick right now for a team that needs someone who can dribble into traps and shoot 21% on threes. Someone will take him. Even if they won't, Adleman needs to bench him to send a message to the team that is mired in a losing stretch that cannot really be condoned given this team's roster. If you run another team wouldn't you pay Rafer Alston pay well enough to make sure that he just played the way he always has at crucial points in the game. I am imagining other teams in the league convincing Alston to take a pill that makes him totally oblivious to all the film available film of Rockets games that should convince him to pass the damn ball and stay out of corners. They pay him enough to make his salary not worth enough to play well when it matters for the Rockets.
Dwayne Wade. The man called out The Big Lazy and everyone agreed. Wade has an opportunity here. It is obvious that his team cannot win without him. He will dictate the Heat's performance as long as he play in South Beach. This guy can flat out change the game by talking about it. Shaq came out to play early in the season for the first time in years.
Dwight Howard is the next Shaq. The Magic should start playing all of their games in the old pin stripe black uniforms when Shaq was breaking backboards for the fun of it. Shaq used to be a show stopper because he broke the show. Howard is damn good. He needs to be more like Shaq and less like Tim Duncan in demeanor because his team is more like Shaq's. Meaning his GM can only find one or two decent guys to put around him instead of the R.C. Buford model of finding a lot of good players to put around the best player in basketball. Howard could be the best player in a couple years. This something to watch. The man can jump. He can flat out play both ends of the game. This guy could be better than every other in the game.
Here are a few great people to watch starting this season. More to come soon. This had to be less painful than a Cameron Crowe production. The Captain siging off.
Kevin Martin- This guy plays for what might be one of the worst teams in recent memory not GM'd by Billy King or Isiah Thomas. These guys rely on Ron Artest to be their guide, and I am struggling to think of a guide that has been this bad since the Donner Party. Too bad we will never get a chance to see John Candy play Ron Artest in a movie. Kevin Martin is scoring 25 points a game. How long can this last when defenses have to worry about respecting Kenny Thomas and Shareef Abdur Rhahim? I am sure Reggie Theus can figure out a way to get these guys to at least feed their dogs if he can impose a curfew. Martin though is a genuine talent, and another one of those guys that can just flat out move with the ball in his hands. For that matter he can move without it in his hands. This guy looks like another Rip Hamilton in the making if anyone on his team figures out how to set a screen and give him the ball in open space to shoot. Some team needs to figure out what it will take for Sacramento to make a trade to get this guy some print in an article that more than a dozen people will read. This guy is so money and no one even knows it.
I know I am supposed to maintain a theme using the Singles references, but I cannot in good faith make references to a Cameron Crowe movie for an entire column. I mean I hated myself for wanting to call Kevin Martin Almost Famous. Lets just change this focus to great individual starts for the season. I feel better about myself even though that is a lame title, at least you know I am not obligated to completely fuck up the end of the piece as Crowe seems to find a way to do with pretty much every movie you want to name.
Kelenna Azkubuike- 15 pts and 5 rbds a game. Another undrafted Kentucky product, ala Chuck Hayes, who has been passed around like a bad case of the clap, is making Golden State look smart for picking him up here. He has been cut twice, and word has it that both the Cavaliers and Rockets tried to patent his ass as a seat warmer and sell the rights to Cadillac before they sent him packing after a smattering of preseason games. You think Cleveland does not need someone who can score the ball and play hard every evening. I wonder how many times a week Lebron James lights paper sacks full of dog crap on fire at Danny Ferry's doorstep? If I were Lebron I would do this after every loss, and I wouldn't bother to run. This guy comes from a group of players that Ferry's Midas touch has sent to other teams without getting any compensation for what so ever. Awesome. Azkubuike is going to be good enough to get minutes with Stephen Jackson back in the line up as John Hollinger astutely points out in his surprises column. To show you that I am not going to copy Hollinger's list I am going to mix it up here.
Kobe Bryant- Ok I lied maybe I am going to take a Cameron Crowe approach here and use over used plot device/subject that people can't argue with in the middle of the piece, but stay with me. Bryant has not been so great for what he has done, but what he hasn't. Needy superstar, yes. Player, a Bigger Yes. Bryant has put up his numbers and made his teammates better, and last time I checked the Lakers should still suck according to Kobe's assesment of the team this summer. Bryant could kill this team if he wanted to, and force a trade out of LA like Vince Carter and Alonzo Morning did in Toronto. Kobe likes to win though, and the thought of sitting back like Vince did to force a trade makes Kobe Beatrix Kiddo angry. He might decide to assasinate the rest of the league Black Mamba style in spite of Mitch Kupchak and not because of him. Kobe's abduction of this nickname is still unforgivable though. However thinking about Kobe wanting to be a six foot tall blonde woman make me laugh. My point stands though. Kobe could have submarined this team, and the Lakers could have started the way that we all expected them to when Kobe was being more vocal about his lack of a supporting cast.
Rafer Alston for being the only player in the league paid by every other team. Rafer flat out kills the Rockets when he is on the floor even when his numbers don't show it. Steve has proved he can be better, on this very night. Rafer is worth a draft pick right now for a team that needs someone who can dribble into traps and shoot 21% on threes. Someone will take him. Even if they won't, Adleman needs to bench him to send a message to the team that is mired in a losing stretch that cannot really be condoned given this team's roster. If you run another team wouldn't you pay Rafer Alston pay well enough to make sure that he just played the way he always has at crucial points in the game. I am imagining other teams in the league convincing Alston to take a pill that makes him totally oblivious to all the film available film of Rockets games that should convince him to pass the damn ball and stay out of corners. They pay him enough to make his salary not worth enough to play well when it matters for the Rockets.
Dwayne Wade. The man called out The Big Lazy and everyone agreed. Wade has an opportunity here. It is obvious that his team cannot win without him. He will dictate the Heat's performance as long as he play in South Beach. This guy can flat out change the game by talking about it. Shaq came out to play early in the season for the first time in years.
Dwight Howard is the next Shaq. The Magic should start playing all of their games in the old pin stripe black uniforms when Shaq was breaking backboards for the fun of it. Shaq used to be a show stopper because he broke the show. Howard is damn good. He needs to be more like Shaq and less like Tim Duncan in demeanor because his team is more like Shaq's. Meaning his GM can only find one or two decent guys to put around him instead of the R.C. Buford model of finding a lot of good players to put around the best player in basketball. Howard could be the best player in a couple years. This something to watch. The man can jump. He can flat out play both ends of the game. This guy could be better than every other in the game.
Here are a few great people to watch starting this season. More to come soon. This had to be less painful than a Cameron Crowe production. The Captain siging off.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Missing the Story
They always say that only two things are certain in life, death and taxes. If I were to go with a similar theme, there are two things that always raise my blood pressure. This is not a good sign considering I'm supposed to make it to the ripe old age of forty-two before I have a massive heart attack. The two things that hasten my demise are Sean Hannity and sports radio.
Sean Hannity is not worth my time to criticize in this particular space, so lets shift the focus to the other part of media I find infinitely exasperating. I never understood the fascination with celebrity gossip. It always seemed shallow and to be completely useless discussion. I used to think this was a particularly female infatuation, then I realized that sports radio fills this gap for the remainder of the population. This particular kind of media is ridiculous for the same reasons that CNN, Fox News and the like are ridiculous. I could sit her and offer you analysis of a daily event until I am blue in the face, but it does not mean I SHOULD. There's simply not enough news for the 24 hour cycle. Actually that may be untrue. There is enough news, but 24 hour networks chose about four stories and BEAT THEM TO DEATH. Sports media (particularly sports radio) is an even worse offender in a similar manner. Cable news networks are guilty of being terrible because they do no properly cover the news of the world in their seemingly endless amount of air time. Sports media is guilty for not even beating to death all the stories in the major sports, let along ALL sports.
When I turned on the radio today, for some foolish reason, I heard the following topics discussed for about two hours:
1. KU vs. Missouri on saturday
2. Nick Saban comparing his team's consecutive loses to the attack on Pearl Harbor and 9-11.
3. NFL football (in some capacity, it all blends together in my head at this point).
Now, I will not for one second profess that Nick Saban unbelievably comparing his team's failures to the act of aggression that provoked the United States involvement in World War II and a horrific terrorist attack on the United States is not the biggest story in sports today. Hell, it might be worth noting on national news. If you don't think his comments were inappropriate and totally out of line, then you take sports WAY to seriously. If that's the case, you should definitely go drink something toxic, beer...or possibly Drano.
The reason I am upset is that everyone still managed to overlook one of the most important stories of the day, nay, MONTH.
Joey Crawford was one of the officials for the Spurs and Hawks game on Tuesday night!
Confused? Let me rehash the events of last spring that make this so compelling.
Sometime in early April as the NBA is closing in on the end of the regular season and the begining of the playoffs, the Spurs and Mavs play their final game of the season against each other. This game was originally billed to be important because leading up to the game their records were close enough that it might be a game for home court advantage in the playoffs. Well, the Mavs got on a little role and the Spurs ended up being too far behind to really compete for home court, however this was still a game in one of the, if not the biggest, rivalries in the NBA.
Somewhere towards the end of the game the calls appeared (at least to TIm Duncan) to be a little frivilous and his displeasure showed through on his face. Joey Crawford, being one of the league's biggest assholes, decided Mr. Duncan was showing him up, so he rang him up for a technical foul. Duncan, the rest of the Spurs and even some of the Mavs seemed a little bit surprised at the T, but Duncan moved himself to the bench and Dallas took the foul shot. On a possession right after Duncan's first technical, another foul is called on the Spurs. Well, Duncan thinks the Spurs are getting hosed, so, while sitting on the bench, he laughs and claps his hands. Catfish (Joey Crawford's nickname, check out his physique it makes sense) decides Duncan is showing him up and gives him a SECOND technical foul. This results in an automatic ejection and Tim Duncan is ejected from a game WHILE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
This whole sequence seemed really out of sorts. Kicking out Tim Duncan from a game for what was essentially trash talking is like saying, "Get that damn mime out of here. He's too loud!"
After the game the whole story really starts to emerge. First of all, as Duncan left the court, it was fairly easy to read Duncan's lips when he said, to Catfish, "You're a piece of shit." This seems out of character for Duncan.
We find out after the game from Duncan as well as Spurs and Mavs players that Mr. Crawford repeatedly asked Duncan if he "wanted to fight." Duncan also says in an interview that Crawford has had it out for him for a long time.
Now I realize to the less devoted fans of the league it's hard to understand this, but if you follow the league, you KNOW who Joey Crawford is. He's an asshole, and he has been accused repeatedly of trying to make himself the focus of a game.
As a result of the incident, Crawford (one of the longest serving NBA refs) is removed from the league, no more regular season games and no more playoff games. He applied for and was granted reinstatement over the summer.
I suppose this leads me to my summary. Since Crawford worked the Spurs game tonight (which I believe was his first one this season) how was this NOT a story?
The real answer is that sports media, like celebrity media, is directed specifically for stupid people. Alright everyone, get you bag of popcorn and sit on the couch. I'm sure your afternoon will go something like this:
"AWESOME! That guy just got his leg ripped off. Stupid running back! Hahahahaha!" jumping up and down on the couch.
"Shhhhh. I'm trying to read about Brad Pitt's new romance!" giggles. Wets self.
-Dusty
Sean Hannity is not worth my time to criticize in this particular space, so lets shift the focus to the other part of media I find infinitely exasperating. I never understood the fascination with celebrity gossip. It always seemed shallow and to be completely useless discussion. I used to think this was a particularly female infatuation, then I realized that sports radio fills this gap for the remainder of the population. This particular kind of media is ridiculous for the same reasons that CNN, Fox News and the like are ridiculous. I could sit her and offer you analysis of a daily event until I am blue in the face, but it does not mean I SHOULD. There's simply not enough news for the 24 hour cycle. Actually that may be untrue. There is enough news, but 24 hour networks chose about four stories and BEAT THEM TO DEATH. Sports media (particularly sports radio) is an even worse offender in a similar manner. Cable news networks are guilty of being terrible because they do no properly cover the news of the world in their seemingly endless amount of air time. Sports media is guilty for not even beating to death all the stories in the major sports, let along ALL sports.
When I turned on the radio today, for some foolish reason, I heard the following topics discussed for about two hours:
1. KU vs. Missouri on saturday
2. Nick Saban comparing his team's consecutive loses to the attack on Pearl Harbor and 9-11.
3. NFL football (in some capacity, it all blends together in my head at this point).
Now, I will not for one second profess that Nick Saban unbelievably comparing his team's failures to the act of aggression that provoked the United States involvement in World War II and a horrific terrorist attack on the United States is not the biggest story in sports today. Hell, it might be worth noting on national news. If you don't think his comments were inappropriate and totally out of line, then you take sports WAY to seriously. If that's the case, you should definitely go drink something toxic, beer...or possibly Drano.
The reason I am upset is that everyone still managed to overlook one of the most important stories of the day, nay, MONTH.
Joey Crawford was one of the officials for the Spurs and Hawks game on Tuesday night!
Confused? Let me rehash the events of last spring that make this so compelling.
Sometime in early April as the NBA is closing in on the end of the regular season and the begining of the playoffs, the Spurs and Mavs play their final game of the season against each other. This game was originally billed to be important because leading up to the game their records were close enough that it might be a game for home court advantage in the playoffs. Well, the Mavs got on a little role and the Spurs ended up being too far behind to really compete for home court, however this was still a game in one of the, if not the biggest, rivalries in the NBA.
Somewhere towards the end of the game the calls appeared (at least to TIm Duncan) to be a little frivilous and his displeasure showed through on his face. Joey Crawford, being one of the league's biggest assholes, decided Mr. Duncan was showing him up, so he rang him up for a technical foul. Duncan, the rest of the Spurs and even some of the Mavs seemed a little bit surprised at the T, but Duncan moved himself to the bench and Dallas took the foul shot. On a possession right after Duncan's first technical, another foul is called on the Spurs. Well, Duncan thinks the Spurs are getting hosed, so, while sitting on the bench, he laughs and claps his hands. Catfish (Joey Crawford's nickname, check out his physique it makes sense) decides Duncan is showing him up and gives him a SECOND technical foul. This results in an automatic ejection and Tim Duncan is ejected from a game WHILE SITTING ON THE BENCH.
This whole sequence seemed really out of sorts. Kicking out Tim Duncan from a game for what was essentially trash talking is like saying, "Get that damn mime out of here. He's too loud!"
After the game the whole story really starts to emerge. First of all, as Duncan left the court, it was fairly easy to read Duncan's lips when he said, to Catfish, "You're a piece of shit." This seems out of character for Duncan.
We find out after the game from Duncan as well as Spurs and Mavs players that Mr. Crawford repeatedly asked Duncan if he "wanted to fight." Duncan also says in an interview that Crawford has had it out for him for a long time.
Now I realize to the less devoted fans of the league it's hard to understand this, but if you follow the league, you KNOW who Joey Crawford is. He's an asshole, and he has been accused repeatedly of trying to make himself the focus of a game.
As a result of the incident, Crawford (one of the longest serving NBA refs) is removed from the league, no more regular season games and no more playoff games. He applied for and was granted reinstatement over the summer.
I suppose this leads me to my summary. Since Crawford worked the Spurs game tonight (which I believe was his first one this season) how was this NOT a story?
The real answer is that sports media, like celebrity media, is directed specifically for stupid people. Alright everyone, get you bag of popcorn and sit on the couch. I'm sure your afternoon will go something like this:
"AWESOME! That guy just got his leg ripped off. Stupid running back! Hahahahaha!" jumping up and down on the couch.
"Shhhhh. I'm trying to read about Brad Pitt's new romance!" giggles. Wets self.
-Dusty
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
More credit deserved
When I think about deserving more credit, I usually think about the fact that Washington Mutual does not appreciate me. In sports though people talk about players deserving more credit or not getting the credit they deserve. I say bullshit. The professionals that suit up and don't get enough credit in major sports can get any line of credit they want, much less deserve. So if a credit score determines your worth in the society we live in as it too often does I would say that what deserves more credit are random events in sports. While we usually cover only the best sport in the world I am going to mention events from all major professional sports...
This post is honor of Baron Davis's dead ball last night, and a recent conversation with some friends. If a player puts a shot up and it sits on the rim without moving this needs to be rewarded. Stuck in between the rim and the board we will give five points, but really the big one is still on the rim not moving. If the ball sits up on the back of the rim without moving the player who put that ball up there should have won the game for his team. I have played and watched this sport for years and have only seen a ball come to rest on a rim once at a playground. Not wedged. Just sitting up there. If you can do this on purpose in a game you win. You are the little kid in Big Daddy. This should not happen. Another one to give the Alonzo Morning's of the world inspiration, blocking the ball into the second level. That would be far cooler than catching a homerun.
Another you win if it happens. The Sandlot. You bust the guts out of a baseball and you win. F-o-r-e-v-e-r. This is a great myth the cover a ball has to be tattered and going through the early stages of dry rot for a mortal to do this. If you can do it you win. Another ideal, you stick the ball in the padding on the outfield wall and it isn't a ground rule double it is three runs. This never happens. People would probably just change the padding on fences though. I would love to see pros going up agaisnt the plywood fences that I was expected to run into as an adolescent. They hurt.
Football's Alien moment of "Game over man, Game over" happened this weekenend too. Hit the back of a an up right after going through the uprights you win. Noted that if this rule passed everyone would go back to the old H's. However, if you can hit the support bar that holds up the uprights you should win. Kickers who are good don't lob kicks they drill them. This would change the approach drastically. Kickers would be lobbing shit like cannon fodder in the old DOS computer game trying to hit that thing. Pats up twenty and the kick is up end over end, it's a rainbow... back support... ding... Dolphins win!Dolphins win!
Hockey... Nobody watches but I'll say it. A full sentence with proper syntax being uttered by a player in English. During the game though, it would be someone getting an American audience to watch. Maybe if there were holes in the ice that randomly appeared to create power plays. NasCar banks on this type of catastrophic event to get ratings. Lord knows no one should give a shit about someone turning left for five hundred miles in a car that was made in America. I am saying the equivalent in Hockey would be someone ripping the net with a goal, or breaking a cross bar for the goal with a shot.
These are the four major one sports. George Carlin had some great suggestions too.
The Captain signing off.
This post is honor of Baron Davis's dead ball last night, and a recent conversation with some friends. If a player puts a shot up and it sits on the rim without moving this needs to be rewarded. Stuck in between the rim and the board we will give five points, but really the big one is still on the rim not moving. If the ball sits up on the back of the rim without moving the player who put that ball up there should have won the game for his team. I have played and watched this sport for years and have only seen a ball come to rest on a rim once at a playground. Not wedged. Just sitting up there. If you can do this on purpose in a game you win. You are the little kid in Big Daddy. This should not happen. Another one to give the Alonzo Morning's of the world inspiration, blocking the ball into the second level. That would be far cooler than catching a homerun.
Another you win if it happens. The Sandlot. You bust the guts out of a baseball and you win. F-o-r-e-v-e-r. This is a great myth the cover a ball has to be tattered and going through the early stages of dry rot for a mortal to do this. If you can do it you win. Another ideal, you stick the ball in the padding on the outfield wall and it isn't a ground rule double it is three runs. This never happens. People would probably just change the padding on fences though. I would love to see pros going up agaisnt the plywood fences that I was expected to run into as an adolescent. They hurt.
Football's Alien moment of "Game over man, Game over" happened this weekenend too. Hit the back of a an up right after going through the uprights you win. Noted that if this rule passed everyone would go back to the old H's. However, if you can hit the support bar that holds up the uprights you should win. Kickers who are good don't lob kicks they drill them. This would change the approach drastically. Kickers would be lobbing shit like cannon fodder in the old DOS computer game trying to hit that thing. Pats up twenty and the kick is up end over end, it's a rainbow... back support... ding... Dolphins win!Dolphins win!
Hockey... Nobody watches but I'll say it. A full sentence with proper syntax being uttered by a player in English. During the game though, it would be someone getting an American audience to watch. Maybe if there were holes in the ice that randomly appeared to create power plays. NasCar banks on this type of catastrophic event to get ratings. Lord knows no one should give a shit about someone turning left for five hundred miles in a car that was made in America. I am saying the equivalent in Hockey would be someone ripping the net with a goal, or breaking a cross bar for the goal with a shot.
These are the four major one sports. George Carlin had some great suggestions too.
The Captain signing off.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Reality Bites and Silver Linings
To those of you that read our blog, Dusty and I would like to apologize for not posting in awhile. We like to dillute ourselves with the thought that we have fans who are affected by our lack of productivity on this site. Suffice to say I lament the fact that this job does not pay well enough to write often enough, nor does my other job. Reality Bites
Is there any team that is more injury prone than the Hornets? Every time that they seem like they are legit Chris Paul goes down. Paul is already out with a sprained ankle this year. Last year their top three players were out much of the season. Without Paul the Hornets are just as ineffective as the Rockets without T-Mac, more on that later. The Hornets were without Paul, David West, Peja Stojakovic, and Bobby Jackson for much of the year. All of these guys are gamers. Lets think about this CP3has a hance to be the next J-Kidd or Steve Nash, no relation to John, early in the season he is averaging damn near fifteen assist a game. I am not surpised either. His vision and ability to move with the ball at an amazing speed is mind blowing. The Hawks have to be happy that they have drafted a point gaurd of his caliber after passing on him... wait they didn't pick Deron Williams either. Reality Bites, but there are worse consolation prizes than Acie Law.
Speaking of speed, along with Paul there are guys that can just flat out move with the ball. Tony Parker is a known commodity, who relies less on his speed at some points now that he can shoot. Speaking of a guy who has learned how to shoot, T.J. Ford makes the Raptors so dangerous. Colangelo will have this team looking as good as the Suns shortly, and in the East that easily give you homecourt. Ford and Bosh are damn good, and while Sam Mitchell might be the coolest looking coach in the NBA you have to wonder how long he gets to use the excuse that these guys are young. Spreading the floor with Bosh inside seems like something that they don't do well all the time. This has to happen all the time if the speed of Ford's game is going to become an asset that makes people draw comparisons to Parker and Duncan (They could be that good based on talent and not probabliity). For this to happen they would have to fire the coolest looking coach and then someone comes in and uses the foundation he gave coaching the young guys and the Raptors go head to head with the Bulls in the conference finals... Reality Bites. Silver Lining... one most can't claim, their GM. Bryan Colangelo will have this team looking as good as the Suns shortly, and in the East that easily give you homecourt. The Ford move is another trade that has to be considered a fleecing since the Bucks are probably going to have to move Villanueva for less than value in the near future with Yi getting minutes and shooting over people like they were chairs. Colangelo's track record as a GM is amazing, and he can recover from mistakes by finding trade partners.See turning Kidd for Marbury into Steve Nash if Isiah Thomas figures out how to do this Satan will be prominently involved.
As mentioned earlier by Dusty the Bulls are sucking it up early. They are showing signs of life, but the Tyson Chandler for Ben Wallace decision is looking like a mistake. The aforementioned Hornets are quite happy with Chandler on the floor and Ben Wallace is slow and moody. The Bulls need to learn how the trigger on a trade for pieces that are not cornerstones like Ben Gordon or Luol Deng.They can get a vet in the locker room who can steer the ship for far less. A veteran who could come in and play while simultaneously off setting the abrasive Scott Skiles could lead this team the level their talent dictates. Good thing Scott is a flexible guy... Reality Bites. If Tom Coughlin can do it maybe Scott can, if you are a Bulls fan you have to hope so. Silver Lining... depends on Jerry Krause, which makes you nervous, but if he holds these guys together and adds a quality vet who has never been described as mercurial by a journalist and gets a guy who can trust a floor general of said caliber we are looking at Chicago dominating the East. The Raps will take longer to get better than the if Jerry Krause returns to his old old ways when a guy he surrounded with a good cast played some games that people remember.
Tracy McGrady has already missed 30% of the games played thus far. The Rockets don't win at a rate less than 30%. Rafer Alston has taken the last shot of the game the last two time the Rockets were close in a game. Reality Bites... A possible silver lining is Tracy will be back on Wednesday versus NEMESIS!!! ARCH NEMESIS!!! Silver Lining, maybe now that we can take Steve Francis's picture off a milk carton he can prove that he deserves it.
The Celtics lost. Reality Bites... Silver Lining is that people will stop comparing them to the Patriots. How annoying has this been? The Patriots have played half a season without being challenge while the Celtics have had some good bounces. The collective hard on in Boston now that the Sox won another series, The Pats will not lose unless they forfeit a game or stop drinking that shit from Harry Potter that made them Quidditch Champs, has people in Boston drinking the Kool-Aid. Bill Simmons will anoint the Celtics the champs before the All-Star game if the Celtics win at this rate for much longer. Reality Bites and a Silver Lining... Doc Rivers is coaching this squad.
Reality Bites... We all have to spend a lot of times around our relatives during a busy part of the year.
Silver Lining... No one thinks it's abnormal to eat and drink like a lush during this time a year.
Reality Bites: The Captain, signing off. Silver lining: Not for too long.
Is there any team that is more injury prone than the Hornets? Every time that they seem like they are legit Chris Paul goes down. Paul is already out with a sprained ankle this year. Last year their top three players were out much of the season. Without Paul the Hornets are just as ineffective as the Rockets without T-Mac, more on that later. The Hornets were without Paul, David West, Peja Stojakovic, and Bobby Jackson for much of the year. All of these guys are gamers. Lets think about this CP3has a hance to be the next J-Kidd or Steve Nash, no relation to John, early in the season he is averaging damn near fifteen assist a game. I am not surpised either. His vision and ability to move with the ball at an amazing speed is mind blowing. The Hawks have to be happy that they have drafted a point gaurd of his caliber after passing on him... wait they didn't pick Deron Williams either. Reality Bites, but there are worse consolation prizes than Acie Law.
Speaking of speed, along with Paul there are guys that can just flat out move with the ball. Tony Parker is a known commodity, who relies less on his speed at some points now that he can shoot. Speaking of a guy who has learned how to shoot, T.J. Ford makes the Raptors so dangerous. Colangelo will have this team looking as good as the Suns shortly, and in the East that easily give you homecourt. Ford and Bosh are damn good, and while Sam Mitchell might be the coolest looking coach in the NBA you have to wonder how long he gets to use the excuse that these guys are young. Spreading the floor with Bosh inside seems like something that they don't do well all the time. This has to happen all the time if the speed of Ford's game is going to become an asset that makes people draw comparisons to Parker and Duncan (They could be that good based on talent and not probabliity). For this to happen they would have to fire the coolest looking coach and then someone comes in and uses the foundation he gave coaching the young guys and the Raptors go head to head with the Bulls in the conference finals... Reality Bites. Silver Lining... one most can't claim, their GM. Bryan Colangelo will have this team looking as good as the Suns shortly, and in the East that easily give you homecourt. The Ford move is another trade that has to be considered a fleecing since the Bucks are probably going to have to move Villanueva for less than value in the near future with Yi getting minutes and shooting over people like they were chairs. Colangelo's track record as a GM is amazing, and he can recover from mistakes by finding trade partners.See turning Kidd for Marbury into Steve Nash if Isiah Thomas figures out how to do this Satan will be prominently involved.
As mentioned earlier by Dusty the Bulls are sucking it up early. They are showing signs of life, but the Tyson Chandler for Ben Wallace decision is looking like a mistake. The aforementioned Hornets are quite happy with Chandler on the floor and Ben Wallace is slow and moody. The Bulls need to learn how the trigger on a trade for pieces that are not cornerstones like Ben Gordon or Luol Deng.They can get a vet in the locker room who can steer the ship for far less. A veteran who could come in and play while simultaneously off setting the abrasive Scott Skiles could lead this team the level their talent dictates. Good thing Scott is a flexible guy... Reality Bites. If Tom Coughlin can do it maybe Scott can, if you are a Bulls fan you have to hope so. Silver Lining... depends on Jerry Krause, which makes you nervous, but if he holds these guys together and adds a quality vet who has never been described as mercurial by a journalist and gets a guy who can trust a floor general of said caliber we are looking at Chicago dominating the East. The Raps will take longer to get better than the if Jerry Krause returns to his old old ways when a guy he surrounded with a good cast played some games that people remember.
Tracy McGrady has already missed 30% of the games played thus far. The Rockets don't win at a rate less than 30%. Rafer Alston has taken the last shot of the game the last two time the Rockets were close in a game. Reality Bites... A possible silver lining is Tracy will be back on Wednesday versus NEMESIS!!! ARCH NEMESIS!!! Silver Lining, maybe now that we can take Steve Francis's picture off a milk carton he can prove that he deserves it.
The Celtics lost. Reality Bites... Silver Lining is that people will stop comparing them to the Patriots. How annoying has this been? The Patriots have played half a season without being challenge while the Celtics have had some good bounces. The collective hard on in Boston now that the Sox won another series, The Pats will not lose unless they forfeit a game or stop drinking that shit from Harry Potter that made them Quidditch Champs, has people in Boston drinking the Kool-Aid. Bill Simmons will anoint the Celtics the champs before the All-Star game if the Celtics win at this rate for much longer. Reality Bites and a Silver Lining... Doc Rivers is coaching this squad.
Reality Bites... We all have to spend a lot of times around our relatives during a busy part of the year.
Silver Lining... No one thinks it's abnormal to eat and drink like a lush during this time a year.
Reality Bites: The Captain, signing off. Silver lining: Not for too long.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Eastern Observations
While recently bemoaning the fact that I am unable to devote my days the process of self-actualization, I happened to catch some basketball games. Here's an assortment of thoughts.
The Bulls SUCK
I realize I am the same individual who was fairly high on them on a couple of weeks ago, but I am willing to back off of that feeling for now. They beat the Pistons in a game where they seemed to be playing fairly well. Everything else has been, well, terrible.
It's not as if they have lost a bunch of close games. It really looks usually like they have no business being on the floor. Some people (Jalen Rose) have made the excuse that all the trade talk is distracting the team. Now far be it from me to question someone who actually played in the NBA, but this team has been facing trade talk fairly consistently for the last several years. Granted teams have started slowly in the past and really turned it around, but this is a grind it out kind of team (who have largely been together for several years), so it surprises me when they look like they just met out there on the court. Seriously, that team seems about as comfortable as Trent Lott at an NAACP meeting. It has to be one of the following situations:
1. General trade talk does not disrupt a team, but trade talk involving Kobe disrupts ANY team.
2. The team is frustrated because they realize the only major move management has made in the last year was to sign an offensively inept defensive stopper/post player to a team that already played very good defense who's major deficiency as a team was scoring in the post.
3. Joakim Noah scares the bejesus out of the rest of the team...I mean, it could be a reason...NEXT TOPIC!
The Boston Celtics
Ok, here's what seems to have happened wit this team. Three stars are really psyched to be playing together, everybody else has become excited as well. The whole team is groving along and playing extremely well against mediocre competition. Somewhere in January or February everyone is going to get really tired, hurt and something is going to screw up the chemistry...hopefully. (Might be time to break out the KG voodoo dolls, seriously, this is the first team I have been legitimately scared of coming from the East in years).
Cap'n Crazy's Lost his Touch
Gilbert Arenas had knee surgery over the summer that is apprently still sort of giving him trouble. I really hope turns that around. I realize he's a shoot first point guard who does not do a whole lot to make his teammates better, and I should detest him because of that. The thing is that I still enjoy his play a great deal. Agent Zero is cold blooded and really fun to watch play, usually. I nearly bought his low-top sneaker last year until a woman told me she thought it looked like it was made by Tyco...I would still kind of like to get my hands on that shoe.
I will return tomorrow with some thoughts on the bestern conference.
-Dusty
The Bulls SUCK
I realize I am the same individual who was fairly high on them on a couple of weeks ago, but I am willing to back off of that feeling for now. They beat the Pistons in a game where they seemed to be playing fairly well. Everything else has been, well, terrible.
It's not as if they have lost a bunch of close games. It really looks usually like they have no business being on the floor. Some people (Jalen Rose) have made the excuse that all the trade talk is distracting the team. Now far be it from me to question someone who actually played in the NBA, but this team has been facing trade talk fairly consistently for the last several years. Granted teams have started slowly in the past and really turned it around, but this is a grind it out kind of team (who have largely been together for several years), so it surprises me when they look like they just met out there on the court. Seriously, that team seems about as comfortable as Trent Lott at an NAACP meeting. It has to be one of the following situations:
1. General trade talk does not disrupt a team, but trade talk involving Kobe disrupts ANY team.
2. The team is frustrated because they realize the only major move management has made in the last year was to sign an offensively inept defensive stopper/post player to a team that already played very good defense who's major deficiency as a team was scoring in the post.
3. Joakim Noah scares the bejesus out of the rest of the team...I mean, it could be a reason...NEXT TOPIC!
The Boston Celtics
Ok, here's what seems to have happened wit this team. Three stars are really psyched to be playing together, everybody else has become excited as well. The whole team is groving along and playing extremely well against mediocre competition. Somewhere in January or February everyone is going to get really tired, hurt and something is going to screw up the chemistry...hopefully. (Might be time to break out the KG voodoo dolls, seriously, this is the first team I have been legitimately scared of coming from the East in years).
Cap'n Crazy's Lost his Touch
Gilbert Arenas had knee surgery over the summer that is apprently still sort of giving him trouble. I really hope turns that around. I realize he's a shoot first point guard who does not do a whole lot to make his teammates better, and I should detest him because of that. The thing is that I still enjoy his play a great deal. Agent Zero is cold blooded and really fun to watch play, usually. I nearly bought his low-top sneaker last year until a woman told me she thought it looked like it was made by Tyco...I would still kind of like to get my hands on that shoe.
I will return tomorrow with some thoughts on the bestern conference.
-Dusty
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Thoughts on league pass.
One of the greatest things about League Pass is the local commentators and the commericals that you see. For instance did you know that you can still get Greg Oden bobble heads even though he won't play this season. The comment was made that the bobble head did not come with crutches or scars. I am not making this up. It isn't even a joke. Made those bobbleheads a little too soon. Or the Lakers home commentators valiantly defending Jordan Farmar pounding the ball missing an entry pass on a mismatch for Andrew Bynum and forgetting about some guy named Kobe and airballing a twenty eight foot shot. He made the only play he could they said, no wonder Kobe wants to be traded. Rockets commentators saying, "they're bringing Rafer into the game for his ball handling ability," as he dribbles toward the corner of the court. I thought point guards were supposed to avoid being trapped and turning the ball over or taking half the shot clock to create an isolation for himself when we all know he is most likely going to do his best Jordan Framar impression. Or is Rafer imitating Jordan Farmar?
It is because of such comments that Dusty and I are contemplating writing an ongoing series on local commentating teams, give a quick description of who they are and some of their pearls of wisdom. Letting you know little things like the fact Fransisco Elson is known as Cisco in San Antonio, or that the most combined turnovers by both teams in a game in which Portland was involved is 70. Why do we want you to know these things. I told you that this is not for productive people.
On another note, there is something really refreshing about watching the difference between the younger and older teams in the league play in consecutive nights. For example Portland and New Orleans played tonight. Two young teams who at times looked like college teams. Which was great in that they ran their asses off and had something to prove, but brutal in the fact that somehow the young guys mistakes seemed to rub off on vets like Peja (maybe its the rust from not really playing last year). The cool thing about this though is the young guys the commentators will tell you that they will grow out of it. Where as when vets make mistakes in games like Houston vs San Antonio the commentators talk about something else and abandon earlier points, "like Rafer is coming into the game for his ball-handling." As he dribbled into the corner they immediatley changed the subject.
There are many more of these gems forthcoming. A night cap from the Captain.
It is because of such comments that Dusty and I are contemplating writing an ongoing series on local commentating teams, give a quick description of who they are and some of their pearls of wisdom. Letting you know little things like the fact Fransisco Elson is known as Cisco in San Antonio, or that the most combined turnovers by both teams in a game in which Portland was involved is 70. Why do we want you to know these things. I told you that this is not for productive people.
On another note, there is something really refreshing about watching the difference between the younger and older teams in the league play in consecutive nights. For example Portland and New Orleans played tonight. Two young teams who at times looked like college teams. Which was great in that they ran their asses off and had something to prove, but brutal in the fact that somehow the young guys mistakes seemed to rub off on vets like Peja (maybe its the rust from not really playing last year). The cool thing about this though is the young guys the commentators will tell you that they will grow out of it. Where as when vets make mistakes in games like Houston vs San Antonio the commentators talk about something else and abandon earlier points, "like Rafer is coming into the game for his ball-handling." As he dribbled into the corner they immediatley changed the subject.
There are many more of these gems forthcoming. A night cap from the Captain.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Random thoughts from the first week, not even slightly related
Opening week and the sports world is back on track again. It's been great. Some observations.
1) Chris Kaman needs to be in one of those new Snickers commercial with the guys in costumes. He should have his bow and arrow and dress as a Valkeryie. It would go something like this:
"Did Reggie Evans grab your balls?"
"Yesss!" Chris fires an arrow across the court hitting the Clippers scoreboard.
"Did you enjoy playing in the summer league?"
"Nooo!" Fires another arrow. Sparks fly like the Natural.
"Want a Snickers?" Ok you get the ideal
2)Not enough praise can be given to the ECK. Football commentators try to be funny and they are usually not. These guys don't even hire a stand up comedian like the football shows do, and their digressions are just as entertaining as their commentary. Their on going criticism of the people running the sound board choosing background music is great. They played the "Time Warp" in the background during a Halloween game and I thought Charles was going to get up and break teh soundboard during the show. Priceless. They made up for it by giving Charles a dozen Krispy Kremes in response to a YouTube question.
3) Fans chanting for Steve Francis in the end of the Blazers game this week. How many other sports have fans that will chant Rudy style for a player that hasn't been relevant in years. Accept for the crowd in Rudy who chanted for a player who was never relevant, but that's not the point. The Rockets traded away Francis who was one of the the few bright spots for the Rockets since 1997. Though his non-stop dribbling was maddening, he was a human highlight real and "The Franchise" for a little while. Hopefully he can get on the floor and make himself relevant again, beyond being the Rockets' Rudy. They already have a Rudy, his jersey is in the rafters.
4) Kobe trade talk. This is actually getting a little annoying. I feel no need to type any more about it accept to say that Kobe is headed toward being the highest maintenance super star in the history of professional sports.
5) Joey Crawford is back. I really hope he officiates another Spurs game. It needs to happen. It needs to be hyped like a WWE match, and David Stern needs to show up to watch. Seeing Stern and Crawford in a battle royale Vince McMahon style battle would be phenomenal. Folding chairs and old men. David Stern should bring the mustache back for this.
5a- Yesssss! Chris fires an arrow of approval.
6) The young teams look like they will be good. I know I have said this already. I don't expect anyone to be terribly excited about Seattle or Portland, but if they keep it together and their GM's can continue at the rate tehy have the Pacific Northwest could rival the state of Texas. If the Seattle fans get screwed out of this someone needs to be held responisble. If you put a sub-par product on the floor for that long and then move right when there is light at the end of the tunnel that is just a shitty way to treat a fan base. This should not happen. Let Oklahoma have New Orleans, a team that they are already familiar with and that will not succeed where they are currently. That is a failed experiment. If Shinn could not get people to commit to pro basketball in the heart of ACC country he is not going to do it in a city that is recovering from one of the worst natural disasters in the history of this country.
7)Do they really need to show great moments in NBA history that are almost exclusively from the playoffs this early in the regular season?
8) Have a beer. and a Snickers. Yessss!
9) Last minute drama in the first week. On the first night the Rockets and Lakers played an intense 1:36. It is only going to get better.
10) We don't have to hear about the damn Patriots and Colts game, or the New York Yankees and A-Rod's stomach churning request for 350 million dollars. Maybe my stomach is churning from the Snickers and the beer. Nooooo!!!
The Captain
1) Chris Kaman needs to be in one of those new Snickers commercial with the guys in costumes. He should have his bow and arrow and dress as a Valkeryie. It would go something like this:
"Did Reggie Evans grab your balls?"
"Yesss!" Chris fires an arrow across the court hitting the Clippers scoreboard.
"Did you enjoy playing in the summer league?"
"Nooo!" Fires another arrow. Sparks fly like the Natural.
"Want a Snickers?" Ok you get the ideal
2)Not enough praise can be given to the ECK. Football commentators try to be funny and they are usually not. These guys don't even hire a stand up comedian like the football shows do, and their digressions are just as entertaining as their commentary. Their on going criticism of the people running the sound board choosing background music is great. They played the "Time Warp" in the background during a Halloween game and I thought Charles was going to get up and break teh soundboard during the show. Priceless. They made up for it by giving Charles a dozen Krispy Kremes in response to a YouTube question.
3) Fans chanting for Steve Francis in the end of the Blazers game this week. How many other sports have fans that will chant Rudy style for a player that hasn't been relevant in years. Accept for the crowd in Rudy who chanted for a player who was never relevant, but that's not the point. The Rockets traded away Francis who was one of the the few bright spots for the Rockets since 1997. Though his non-stop dribbling was maddening, he was a human highlight real and "The Franchise" for a little while. Hopefully he can get on the floor and make himself relevant again, beyond being the Rockets' Rudy. They already have a Rudy, his jersey is in the rafters.
4) Kobe trade talk. This is actually getting a little annoying. I feel no need to type any more about it accept to say that Kobe is headed toward being the highest maintenance super star in the history of professional sports.
5) Joey Crawford is back. I really hope he officiates another Spurs game. It needs to happen. It needs to be hyped like a WWE match, and David Stern needs to show up to watch. Seeing Stern and Crawford in a battle royale Vince McMahon style battle would be phenomenal. Folding chairs and old men. David Stern should bring the mustache back for this.
5a- Yesssss! Chris fires an arrow of approval.
6) The young teams look like they will be good. I know I have said this already. I don't expect anyone to be terribly excited about Seattle or Portland, but if they keep it together and their GM's can continue at the rate tehy have the Pacific Northwest could rival the state of Texas. If the Seattle fans get screwed out of this someone needs to be held responisble. If you put a sub-par product on the floor for that long and then move right when there is light at the end of the tunnel that is just a shitty way to treat a fan base. This should not happen. Let Oklahoma have New Orleans, a team that they are already familiar with and that will not succeed where they are currently. That is a failed experiment. If Shinn could not get people to commit to pro basketball in the heart of ACC country he is not going to do it in a city that is recovering from one of the worst natural disasters in the history of this country.
7)Do they really need to show great moments in NBA history that are almost exclusively from the playoffs this early in the regular season?
8) Have a beer. and a Snickers. Yessss!
9) Last minute drama in the first week. On the first night the Rockets and Lakers played an intense 1:36. It is only going to get better.
10) We don't have to hear about the damn Patriots and Colts game, or the New York Yankees and A-Rod's stomach churning request for 350 million dollars. Maybe my stomach is churning from the Snickers and the beer. Nooooo!!!
The Captain
Thursday, November 1, 2007
An Assortment of Slightly Related Thoughts
Occassionally I convince myself that Stephen A. Smith is not a total idiot. I think to myself, "hmm...he seems to know something about this NBA business." Then the Captain tells me that Stephen A. Smith says there are five title contenders in the East.
Really?
I mean...REALLY?
Perhaps he's saying there's about five teams the East that could make it to the finals. Ok, let's go with that assumption for a second. Let's see. He's talking about:
1. Boston (three great players, potential to sign enough role players through the season to make an unsuccessful title run).
2. Chicago (lots of great young players who get better and better as time goes on and they play great defense)
and .......
.......
I'm stumped.
Those are really the only two teams I think are going to be worth a damn if they make it to the finals.
For the sake of argument, who else could he be talking about?
3. Detroit?
Why: Because they won it in 2004 and a lot of that team is still around? They've got a decent roster I suppose, but I think the top six teams in the West would completely dismantle them. No offense to Mr. Maxiell. History seems to indicate that maybe we jumped the gun labeling Chauncey Billups as a really great player (he's good, but not the Mr. Cluth he was thought to be). Rasheed Wallace is a stud, no doubt but he's also certifiably crazy. Rip and Tayshaun are really good too, but I'm just not sold on this team as being anywhere close to good enough.
4. New Jersey?
Why: Because Jason Kidd is a badass. That's truth right there folks. Kidd's a smart enough player that he could probably still be better than half of the point guards in the league when he's fifty. Vinsanity is a good player, but I'm not sure he's enough to pull this team along. I like RJ and Kristic, but they're likable as role players, not leaders. I'm not sold on these guys as viable. They'd get destroyed by all eight West playoff teams.
who else?
(groan)
5. Miami
Why: Dwyane Wade. There's your only reason. Guess what? He's still hurt. Perhaps you're saying, "But Shaq!" To which I say, "He's too fat and too old, and the weed is much too strong if you don't believe me."
I suppose this is my transition into what I really want to write about:
The Miami Heat.
Here's a couple thoughts on the aforementioned topic:
I. The Lakers weren't stupid in trading Shaq to Miami. That was a good move. I realize Miami got a title out of it, but Shaq is on the decline and has been since he got to Miami (even before that really). The mistake the Lakers made was not getting better value back (well, at least not knowing how to use it. Who do you suppose was responsible for dumping Butler RIGHT before he turned into a badass? Let's blame Jack Nicholson.)
a.) remember when they were trying to hand Wade the Finals MVP trophy and Shaq snatched it up to hand to Wade himself? I always thought that was an insanely selfish thing to do. I suppose he was worried people would notice him at 7'2" and weighing in at 500 lbs.
speaking of dickhead moves...
II. Pat Riley taking the reigns from SVG. I never understood this manuever. Why even put up the facade that SVG wanted to spend more time with his family? Riley is considered (and justifiably so) to be one of the best coaches in NBA history. Why pretend the situation was anything else than what it really was? Here's how I imagine the press conference would've gone down if anyone was actually honest.
Riles: Thanks for being here everyone. We've come here to announce publicly that I don't give a fuck what Stan has done for the team here.
SVG: Thanks Riles.
Riles: You're welcome, tubby. Now, as I was saying, we realize that Stan took this team past the first round two years ago with a less than dazzling assortment of young and not totally developed players. Last year he managed to get us right to the cusp of the finals. So instead of letting him acheive his destiny and take this team all the way to Finals and a potential title, I'm going to stab him right in the fucking back.
SVG: You know I'm going to run you over with my car the first time you come to Orlando, right?
Riles: I'd like to go ahead and take the reigns from him here. He's going to go home now and watch me capitalise on all his hard work this June. That's right Stan, I'll be making sure that you get screwed out of any potential ring. Oh yeah, I'm coming over to fuck your mom later too. Have fun in exciting Orlando in two years.
I'll be destroying this team's future for one shot at a title now folks. Thanks so much for coming by.
Wouldn't that have been a better press conference?
For the record, I think Washington has a much better shot at the finals this season than Miami, but I'm certain that wasn't what Stephen A. was thinking.
-Dusty
Really?
I mean...REALLY?
Perhaps he's saying there's about five teams the East that could make it to the finals. Ok, let's go with that assumption for a second. Let's see. He's talking about:
1. Boston (three great players, potential to sign enough role players through the season to make an unsuccessful title run).
2. Chicago (lots of great young players who get better and better as time goes on and they play great defense)
and .......
.......
I'm stumped.
Those are really the only two teams I think are going to be worth a damn if they make it to the finals.
For the sake of argument, who else could he be talking about?
3. Detroit?
Why: Because they won it in 2004 and a lot of that team is still around? They've got a decent roster I suppose, but I think the top six teams in the West would completely dismantle them. No offense to Mr. Maxiell. History seems to indicate that maybe we jumped the gun labeling Chauncey Billups as a really great player (he's good, but not the Mr. Cluth he was thought to be). Rasheed Wallace is a stud, no doubt but he's also certifiably crazy. Rip and Tayshaun are really good too, but I'm just not sold on this team as being anywhere close to good enough.
4. New Jersey?
Why: Because Jason Kidd is a badass. That's truth right there folks. Kidd's a smart enough player that he could probably still be better than half of the point guards in the league when he's fifty. Vinsanity is a good player, but I'm not sure he's enough to pull this team along. I like RJ and Kristic, but they're likable as role players, not leaders. I'm not sold on these guys as viable. They'd get destroyed by all eight West playoff teams.
who else?
(groan)
5. Miami
Why: Dwyane Wade. There's your only reason. Guess what? He's still hurt. Perhaps you're saying, "But Shaq!" To which I say, "He's too fat and too old, and the weed is much too strong if you don't believe me."
I suppose this is my transition into what I really want to write about:
The Miami Heat.
Here's a couple thoughts on the aforementioned topic:
I. The Lakers weren't stupid in trading Shaq to Miami. That was a good move. I realize Miami got a title out of it, but Shaq is on the decline and has been since he got to Miami (even before that really). The mistake the Lakers made was not getting better value back (well, at least not knowing how to use it. Who do you suppose was responsible for dumping Butler RIGHT before he turned into a badass? Let's blame Jack Nicholson.)
a.) remember when they were trying to hand Wade the Finals MVP trophy and Shaq snatched it up to hand to Wade himself? I always thought that was an insanely selfish thing to do. I suppose he was worried people would notice him at 7'2" and weighing in at 500 lbs.
speaking of dickhead moves...
II. Pat Riley taking the reigns from SVG. I never understood this manuever. Why even put up the facade that SVG wanted to spend more time with his family? Riley is considered (and justifiably so) to be one of the best coaches in NBA history. Why pretend the situation was anything else than what it really was? Here's how I imagine the press conference would've gone down if anyone was actually honest.
Riles: Thanks for being here everyone. We've come here to announce publicly that I don't give a fuck what Stan has done for the team here.
SVG: Thanks Riles.
Riles: You're welcome, tubby. Now, as I was saying, we realize that Stan took this team past the first round two years ago with a less than dazzling assortment of young and not totally developed players. Last year he managed to get us right to the cusp of the finals. So instead of letting him acheive his destiny and take this team all the way to Finals and a potential title, I'm going to stab him right in the fucking back.
SVG: You know I'm going to run you over with my car the first time you come to Orlando, right?
Riles: I'd like to go ahead and take the reigns from him here. He's going to go home now and watch me capitalise on all his hard work this June. That's right Stan, I'll be making sure that you get screwed out of any potential ring. Oh yeah, I'm coming over to fuck your mom later too. Have fun in exciting Orlando in two years.
I'll be destroying this team's future for one shot at a title now folks. Thanks so much for coming by.
Wouldn't that have been a better press conference?
For the record, I think Washington has a much better shot at the finals this season than Miami, but I'm certain that wasn't what Stephen A. was thinking.
-Dusty
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