It started with an elipsis, you know who is posting faithful readers. I address you waiting for November for two reasons. The first of course being that basketball season will be up and running now. The second being that this damn election will be over, I don't want to get off on a rant here... Wait, I actually don't want to rant about the second thing here. I am just fucking tired of it. Back to the first thing, things that I would like to see or will see during the upcoming basketball season (without talking about Ron Artest or the Rockets much):
1) Pop keeps his rocking beard. He makes Grizzly Adams look vagtastic. Wait, isn't that the new yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis is promoting...
2) Andrew Bogut high fives himself in all 82 games...
3) That someone in the NBA this season has an 80 point game...
4) Chris Kaman appears in one of those Snickers commercials with the viking and the pilgrim, or in one of those Geico Caveman commercials...
5)That Gerald Green makes an NBA roster and turns into the next Gerald Wallace. I really wish this even as a Rockets fan, as long as it doesn't happen while he is on the Mavericks roster. Speaking of...
6) Watching the Mavericks not make the playoffs this year with Jason Kidd looking like a point guard with court vision rivaling anyone who has ever played with the speed of a Geo Metro...
7) Yelling, "That's not true! That's impossible!" Everytime Adam Morrison looks like he deserved to be drafted that high, given that he might actually be halthy this year...
8) Watching Greg Oden play. No really, I want to see him play. Don't really have a joke here that doesn't involve wondering whether or not his likeness on the bobble head night in Portland for Oden will have a microfacture scar on it...
9) Making way too many fart jokes about the OKC Thunder, even though it would have been cooler if they were the Wind...
10) Josh Childress updates. This was a mistake, a huge mistake, unless of course the dollar continues to slip...
11) Seeing who will be the next, "oh shit we cut that guy decision..." Kelenna Azkubuike style, pretty sure I mispelled his name for the millionth time, even though the Rockets let him go and it should be burned into my fucking memory...
12) Making up new nick names for people. First one, Richard Jefferson, Jefferson Airplane. You think it sucks? If you can tolerate Chris Berman than you have no fucking room to talk...
13) Waiting for David Stern to grow that bitchin' mustache back. Orange Undergroud...
14) Seeing if Carlos Boozer feels the same way about tricking Mormons as he does blind people...
15) Watching the Suns try to slow it down enough for the Shaq trade to not look like complete shit. And hoping that Shaq has another show in which a little kid farts on him...
16) Speaking of the Suns, watching Mike D's Knicks score over a hundred points a game, and still lose at least 40 games...
17) Watching both of the Lopez brothers compete respectively for the Sam Bowie and Brian Scalabrine roles on their respective teams. This really can't go well...
18) Watching the Mavericks miss the playoffs because Dirk Nowitzki eats too much of that Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt...
19) Waiting for Josh Howard to sign a contract with Cowboys after the Mavericks cut him for conduct detrimental to the team...
20) Trades, this should be a busy trade season with good role players and teams doing their best to get under the cap for '10. Things won't go this badly for someone since Tim Duncan resigned with the Spurs and killed at least three teams plans for the future...
21) Vince Carter further dragging down his reputation and someone still trading for him, and wondering why they did it next season or later this season...
22) Having something to watch besides football. No seriously...
23) I realize the last point doesn't give credit to the World Series, but that is only seven games. Even still, those games take too long on TV. Basketball is the best TV sport on air period. This will be affirmed again this season...
24) Watching a close Western Conference race, again...
25) Watching the Nuggets dismantle...
26) Watching Mike Dunleavy pull the rest of his hair out as Baron Davis shoots thirty footers...
27) Wishing I could see the Christmas Card that Baron Davis sends (or doesn't) to Elton Brand...
28) Seeing the Christmas card that Yi and Chinese government send to Herb Kohl...
29) Yelling at my TV, and really meaning it...
30) Watching Dusty break TV remotes, it has happened before...
31) Seeing Mo Williams out running the rest of the Cav's ceptin' Bron. This could be a weird team. Shooters spreading the floor, Wally, Boobie, and Mo... and still having a shit team that makes it to the East finals...
32) Another member of the Redeem team, I really wish I hadn't used that term, D-Wade knock the shit out of opponenets and whip the young Beasley into shape that his talent deserves...
33) The question is do the Heat let the man with the ugliest shot in the world go as a FA or do they trade him to a team looking for cap relief...
34) Figuring out where Ben Gordon goes, I think this could be a huge trade for a good team...
35) Ditto, just insert Sheed...
36) Listening to people talk about how the Toyota Center was deserved to survive a Cat 4 hurricane...
37) Watching Corey Magette score at least 20ppg and the Warriors still missing Baron...
38) The second half of this season where the Warriors won;t miss Baron, but will start the biggest moped destruction program of all time...
39) Seeing AK-47 get traded, finally, to Mike D's Knicks and finally seeing what this guy could do on a running team. This is a trade money wise and personnel wise that could be interesting in several incarnations...
40) Speaking of... Who could land David Lee? If the Knicks are really trying to get under the cap for '10 then they can't keep Lee. Even though he is the most popular player on the team...
41) Josh Smith... He just got a huge contract. Is he going to be sponsoring Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt with 20 plus foot jumpers, or jumping over people in a way that merits money because people watching just scratch their heads and watch some more...
42) Andre, not AI, Igoudala, can he play with people clogging the middle? He runs through the lane admirably, but what does he do when Dalembert and Brand are on the floor at the same time... I realize many of these sentences could be ended with question marks, but I really like elipses...
43) Knowing that a weeks into the season we will not be seeing goddamn campaign commercials during sporting events...
44) The second year of Rashard Lewis making enough money to be ranked 15th in the NBA in terms of salary. Who is on your top 15 list? Rashard, anyone? He will get there by being quote "more selfish..."... That deserved multipe elsipses...
45) I am watching Conan and some guy that looks Dan Fogleberg and sounds like Jack Johnson just played. Who is playing the NBA half time show? Some one who is nothing like Dan Fogleberg or Jack Johnson, though it is funny to think about what Charles Barkley would say if that were the case...
46) Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck showing that three people and a guest are the way to do a sports show, or any show based on commentary. Do you hear me NFL broadcast? Do you hear me CNN debate coverage? Does anyone...
47) Darius Miles wins the comeback player of the year. If he makes the Celtics roster... Wait, I don't want to this to happen. I really don't want Portland carrying that shit on their cap. By the way, how does the NBA have this cap rule...
48) Kobe Bryant's pinky finger falling off...
49) Watching the Pacer's continue to flounder as they really, really, really want to get rid of Tinsley. Who actually tells people that they have no desire have someone that they are trying to pawn off on someone else? Let's talk about basic bargaining...
50) Comcast finally letting me order the League Pass...
That was way too long. I'm not really sorry. That was alot of elipses... The Captain signing off for now...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The Kind of New Kids on the Block?
I suddenly realized that Dusty and I have not given a fair treatment of the naming process for the recently deceased Seattle SuperSonics. Welcome to the fold the OKC Thunder. Personally, I am disappoionted because I was pulling for them to be named The Wind. I was going to challenge myself to make 82 fart jokes dealing with the outcome of each of their games. Something like "The Rockets break Wind in Overtime," or "The Blazers pass Wind in the Northwest." You get the ideal.
The obvious question is, why they didn't chose some fearsome animal native to Oklahoma to be their mascot? Well friends this is easy to answer, any self respecting animal followed the cues of evolution and got the fuck out of Oklahoma as soon as they could whether it be by land, sea, air, or extinction. For awhile The Bison was an option, but really I don't think naming a team after an animal sacred to Native Americans in a state where Native Americans live in abject poverty because whites drove that animal to extinction seems a little too over the top.
So The Thunder it is. Still plenty of opportnuity for fart jokes, which will be forthcoming. I also look forward to, given the demographic of the surrounding community, the house announcer falling in love with Garth Brooks tune "The Thunder Rolls." Can you picture Kevin Durant and Jeff Green looking at each other as the guy puts on Garth for the thousandth time with the same look that Pinky and the Brain used to look at each other when they realized their plan to take over the world was about to fail. The amount of country music played at this arena could far surprass anything we have ever imagined for any NBA site. Most of the radio stations in Oklahoma, that's right they got radio about seven years ago in the Dust Bowl, are primarily country stations, I am interested to see if that carries into the arena. The Thunder Roles my friends.
Really though, this whole naming thing is so much better in college sports. This is because they get to have the actual anumals at the games. A short sidenote on this, I know in this life have been guilty of some pretty awful things so if I come back on a lower plain of existence I want to be a college mascot. Here are my top three"
3. Bevo- You are large well fed piece of cattle that gets drugged out of its mind before it is taken to a place where it is basically worshipped like a golden calf. I think this sounds pretty good. On the downside I would now be a cannibal whenever I wanted a good steak or burger. Bevo is number three because he is an herbivore, and I have never been crazy about the whole vegetarian thing.
2. A Baylor Bear- These guys just got a new habitat, and they get fed ridiculously. I know Bears are naturally fat, but if you ever see one of these things in person they look more like a furry orb than a bear. You also do not get an exclusive diet of grain. They give these bears Dr. Pepper and M&M's. Sounds good.
Number 1! drumroll please:
UGA, this dog has it made. A suite wherever he travels, an air conditioned doghouse, people think it is great when you attack the opposing team, and you stay in Savannah. He has his own SUV so he never has to ride in a trailer when you have to go to work and leave Savannah. Savannah is an awesome city, no open container laws in sight. Beyond that if this dog is uncomfortable someone comes over an ices his balls down. Now that's living! And I am just betting that if you are this dog people would pay large sums of money to breed their English Bulldog bitch with you because your UGA.
UGA wins, but the real problem here is that I am assuming that this dog is on a lower plain of existence. This dog has better life than I do. In the words of Dusty, "God Damnit! I hate it when a dog does better than me!"
Anyway, here they are your used to be Seattle Super Sonics, The OKC Thunder!
The Captain siging off for now...
The obvious question is, why they didn't chose some fearsome animal native to Oklahoma to be their mascot? Well friends this is easy to answer, any self respecting animal followed the cues of evolution and got the fuck out of Oklahoma as soon as they could whether it be by land, sea, air, or extinction. For awhile The Bison was an option, but really I don't think naming a team after an animal sacred to Native Americans in a state where Native Americans live in abject poverty because whites drove that animal to extinction seems a little too over the top.
So The Thunder it is. Still plenty of opportnuity for fart jokes, which will be forthcoming. I also look forward to, given the demographic of the surrounding community, the house announcer falling in love with Garth Brooks tune "The Thunder Rolls." Can you picture Kevin Durant and Jeff Green looking at each other as the guy puts on Garth for the thousandth time with the same look that Pinky and the Brain used to look at each other when they realized their plan to take over the world was about to fail. The amount of country music played at this arena could far surprass anything we have ever imagined for any NBA site. Most of the radio stations in Oklahoma, that's right they got radio about seven years ago in the Dust Bowl, are primarily country stations, I am interested to see if that carries into the arena. The Thunder Roles my friends.
Really though, this whole naming thing is so much better in college sports. This is because they get to have the actual anumals at the games. A short sidenote on this, I know in this life have been guilty of some pretty awful things so if I come back on a lower plain of existence I want to be a college mascot. Here are my top three"
3. Bevo- You are large well fed piece of cattle that gets drugged out of its mind before it is taken to a place where it is basically worshipped like a golden calf. I think this sounds pretty good. On the downside I would now be a cannibal whenever I wanted a good steak or burger. Bevo is number three because he is an herbivore, and I have never been crazy about the whole vegetarian thing.
2. A Baylor Bear- These guys just got a new habitat, and they get fed ridiculously. I know Bears are naturally fat, but if you ever see one of these things in person they look more like a furry orb than a bear. You also do not get an exclusive diet of grain. They give these bears Dr. Pepper and M&M's. Sounds good.
Number 1! drumroll please:
UGA, this dog has it made. A suite wherever he travels, an air conditioned doghouse, people think it is great when you attack the opposing team, and you stay in Savannah. He has his own SUV so he never has to ride in a trailer when you have to go to work and leave Savannah. Savannah is an awesome city, no open container laws in sight. Beyond that if this dog is uncomfortable someone comes over an ices his balls down. Now that's living! And I am just betting that if you are this dog people would pay large sums of money to breed their English Bulldog bitch with you because your UGA.
UGA wins, but the real problem here is that I am assuming that this dog is on a lower plain of existence. This dog has better life than I do. In the words of Dusty, "God Damnit! I hate it when a dog does better than me!"
Anyway, here they are your used to be Seattle Super Sonics, The OKC Thunder!
The Captain siging off for now...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Doldrums
Well folks we have reached the middle of September, and for a NBA basketball fan this is the point in the year that is about as exciting as flannel pajamas on your grandma. Not that exciting, in fact if you think of ways to make that exciting there is something seriously wrong with you.
Free Agent signings of note have happened. Training camp battles haven't yet formed, as evidenced by an interview on Rockets.com where Steve Francis talks about watching old tapes of himself to get motivated and remember what he is capable of doing on the court. I am not holding my breath on the tapes bringing that back.
None the less, I sit here at 2 in the morning and feel compelled to provide you dear readers with some hope for the season that awaits us.
All things considered this has been an entertaining offseason given Baron moving south an area code or two, Brand giving the Clips the ol' Philly fake out, and Ron-Ron playing in building designed to withstand a category 5 hurricane(more on this in a second).
Baron going to the Clips should be fun because Baron and Mike Dunleavy seem very likely to mix like oil, water, and wildlife. I really don't see a control freeak like Mike Dunleavy being able to tolerate Baron Davis after Baron's sense of shot selection was just nurtured by a coach that whose offensive conscience is akin to Oscar Wilde's sense of self restraint. I though the year's in Golden State were perfect for a guy like Baron, but here is something to ponder... Corey Maggette could score as many points as Baron did in that offense and Monta Ellis was already turning into the closer on that team. So maybe it isn't time to mourn Golden State just yet. They could still be really fun if Nellie doesn't get bored. The Clippers are doomed, which brings me to my next point kids...
Elton Brand just pulled one of the smoothest exits of all time. He went to a younger team with a better coach, and at the same time made the Clippers look really silly. The Davis signing only looked good if they kept Brand. Now it looks like a team that is owned by Donald Sterling and run by Elgin Baylor, oh wait... Brand meanwhile takes a workman's game to a city that would boo the Liberty Bell and throw snowballs at the Declaration of Independence if they were losing a sporting event. Brand however has a pretty good chance of winning games in this city with the supporting cast he has, and the fact that he now resides in the Leastern (I will continue to call the conference as such even if Boston won last year). Brand long rumored a target of the Heat made a decision to go to a place with shittier weather and less attractive taxing policies, but a place where he steps in as a leader with a point guard with whom he has already played. I think the adjustments for Brand here are slight, and the players he gets at important positions are better on the Sixers than they were on the Clippers and he plays a cake schedule in conference having only to worry about the Celtics, Pistons, and the Lebron's.
Ron-Ron. I already wrote about this some, but upon a little further thinking this is something that has me perpelxed. Where are we going to play him most of the time, and who does he defend if he is on the floor at the same time with Shane? I think the second question will probably answer the first. Precisely because it won't matter nearly as much who is playing what position on offense when Shane floats around the three point line and Ron will be a cutter and a primary option. The beauty of a motoin offense is the passing, and I am interested to see whether Ron will make the reads enough of the time. On defense is where the interesting questions lay. If we are playing the Lakers who does Ron guard. Shane stays on Kobe, no question. So Yao stays in the middle with Andrew Bynum if he ever comes back. That puts Ron on Pau Gasol. I like that defensive line up because I think Ron will is mean enough to take Gasol or Odom out of the game when it comes down making them play a finesse game. Where I see this being a problem is when we play teams like New Orleans who have players like David West and Tyson Chandler who welcome the contact. They also present a defensive nightmare for the Rockets because best player on their team cannot be defended by Ron or Shane. Shane will stay with his assigment, but Ron gambles when it comes to off the ball defense, and Chris Paul eats folks like that for breakfast. Back to hurricane thing though, if that building is built to withstand a category five hurricane then I think it can withstand Ron Artest's volatile personality.
So there are a few thoughts. I will be throwing some more out there while we wait for the wind to fill the sails when we get out of this dead spot. The Captain siging off for now...
Free Agent signings of note have happened. Training camp battles haven't yet formed, as evidenced by an interview on Rockets.com where Steve Francis talks about watching old tapes of himself to get motivated and remember what he is capable of doing on the court. I am not holding my breath on the tapes bringing that back.
None the less, I sit here at 2 in the morning and feel compelled to provide you dear readers with some hope for the season that awaits us.
All things considered this has been an entertaining offseason given Baron moving south an area code or two, Brand giving the Clips the ol' Philly fake out, and Ron-Ron playing in building designed to withstand a category 5 hurricane(more on this in a second).
Baron going to the Clips should be fun because Baron and Mike Dunleavy seem very likely to mix like oil, water, and wildlife. I really don't see a control freeak like Mike Dunleavy being able to tolerate Baron Davis after Baron's sense of shot selection was just nurtured by a coach that whose offensive conscience is akin to Oscar Wilde's sense of self restraint. I though the year's in Golden State were perfect for a guy like Baron, but here is something to ponder... Corey Maggette could score as many points as Baron did in that offense and Monta Ellis was already turning into the closer on that team. So maybe it isn't time to mourn Golden State just yet. They could still be really fun if Nellie doesn't get bored. The Clippers are doomed, which brings me to my next point kids...
Elton Brand just pulled one of the smoothest exits of all time. He went to a younger team with a better coach, and at the same time made the Clippers look really silly. The Davis signing only looked good if they kept Brand. Now it looks like a team that is owned by Donald Sterling and run by Elgin Baylor, oh wait... Brand meanwhile takes a workman's game to a city that would boo the Liberty Bell and throw snowballs at the Declaration of Independence if they were losing a sporting event. Brand however has a pretty good chance of winning games in this city with the supporting cast he has, and the fact that he now resides in the Leastern (I will continue to call the conference as such even if Boston won last year). Brand long rumored a target of the Heat made a decision to go to a place with shittier weather and less attractive taxing policies, but a place where he steps in as a leader with a point guard with whom he has already played. I think the adjustments for Brand here are slight, and the players he gets at important positions are better on the Sixers than they were on the Clippers and he plays a cake schedule in conference having only to worry about the Celtics, Pistons, and the Lebron's.
Ron-Ron. I already wrote about this some, but upon a little further thinking this is something that has me perpelxed. Where are we going to play him most of the time, and who does he defend if he is on the floor at the same time with Shane? I think the second question will probably answer the first. Precisely because it won't matter nearly as much who is playing what position on offense when Shane floats around the three point line and Ron will be a cutter and a primary option. The beauty of a motoin offense is the passing, and I am interested to see whether Ron will make the reads enough of the time. On defense is where the interesting questions lay. If we are playing the Lakers who does Ron guard. Shane stays on Kobe, no question. So Yao stays in the middle with Andrew Bynum if he ever comes back. That puts Ron on Pau Gasol. I like that defensive line up because I think Ron will is mean enough to take Gasol or Odom out of the game when it comes down making them play a finesse game. Where I see this being a problem is when we play teams like New Orleans who have players like David West and Tyson Chandler who welcome the contact. They also present a defensive nightmare for the Rockets because best player on their team cannot be defended by Ron or Shane. Shane will stay with his assigment, but Ron gambles when it comes to off the ball defense, and Chris Paul eats folks like that for breakfast. Back to hurricane thing though, if that building is built to withstand a category five hurricane then I think it can withstand Ron Artest's volatile personality.
So there are a few thoughts. I will be throwing some more out there while we wait for the wind to fill the sails when we get out of this dead spot. The Captain siging off for now...
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Into the Sunset?
Should a Spurs fan be planning to eulogize what will (likely) be the best team in the franchise's history?
A couple of questions regarding the four time NBA champs gearing up for the 2008-2009 NBA season.
1. Considering Ginobili's injury will likely sideline him until mid-November and will (likely) see reduced minutes upon his return, how bad is this for the team?
-This will all have to do with who's on two things: Who's on the roster these days? and Will it be good enough?
Who's on the roster:
Guards: Tony Parker, Jacque Vaughn, Manu Ginobili, Roger Mason and Michael Finley (not including unsigned free agents and a rookies. The Spurs don't sign rookies, unless they are from Europe and now they won't take our money)
Forwards: Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen, Matt Bonner, Kurt Thomas, Ime Udoka
Centers: Fabricio Oberto, Anthony Tolliver (they do sign rookies, damn.), Ian Mahinmi
Six guys capable of playing the 5. Ok, probably just five. I haven't heard anything positive about Mahinmi.
Three guys good for playing the 4.
5 guys capable of playing the 3, but it'll basically be between Bowen and Udoka, and Bruce is getting close to done.
3 guys to play the 2.
4-ish to play the 1. Primarily between Parker and Vaughn again this season. Not bad, but Jacque isn't a spring chicken.
Will it be good enough?
This roster isn't terrible or anything. The concern would be that Manu won't rehab right, or he'll have lost his explosiveness when he does get back. This team can certainly weather the early part of the season without Manu. The West is quite good again, but they should be alright considering the talent and experience. The Spurs admittedly start out a season sort of slow. This season it could actually be because someone's injured. Nice to have an excuse finally.
2. Is this team good enough?
Possibly. It'll depend on how things come together for the other top teams out West this year.
a. The Lakers - Bynum is back, and Kobe is foregoing surgery on the pinkie he injured last February. Kobe still managed to average nearly 30 points a game. Pau will finally have a full season to develop chemistry with the team. None of these things really make me feel better.
Pau looks like a sissy terrorist from some slavic country?
Still don't feel better.
b. The Hornets - Chris Paul is a beast. David West is likely one of the best power forwards in the league playing with the best point guard in the league. Tyson Chandler feasts on the blood of infants, and by "infants" I mean "lob passes." Yes, I know that makes no sense, but I don't have any joke here.
c. The Rockets - Well, Ron Ron should make them a whole hell of a lot better, and they didn't suck before. Can I pencil in Tracy and Yao missing about a month a piece? In years past this mattered (well until last year and the winning streak) but now even if one is down, the Rockets will still have two superstar players. Rafer Alston can prove if his second half play last year was it clicking for him or an aberration, and the bench looks nice. The bench used to be one of their big issues, but now as a Spurs fan I understand it. Is this how the Captain used to feel about his team all the time?
The Spurs can likely handle the rest of the West without the whirling dervish.
Here's to hoping it works out. I do enjoy the odd year banners in the AT&T Center.
-Dusty
A couple of questions regarding the four time NBA champs gearing up for the 2008-2009 NBA season.
1. Considering Ginobili's injury will likely sideline him until mid-November and will (likely) see reduced minutes upon his return, how bad is this for the team?
-This will all have to do with who's on two things: Who's on the roster these days? and Will it be good enough?
Who's on the roster:
Guards: Tony Parker, Jacque Vaughn, Manu Ginobili, Roger Mason and Michael Finley (not including unsigned free agents and a rookies. The Spurs don't sign rookies, unless they are from Europe and now they won't take our money)
Forwards: Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen, Matt Bonner, Kurt Thomas, Ime Udoka
Centers: Fabricio Oberto, Anthony Tolliver (they do sign rookies, damn.), Ian Mahinmi
Six guys capable of playing the 5. Ok, probably just five. I haven't heard anything positive about Mahinmi.
Three guys good for playing the 4.
5 guys capable of playing the 3, but it'll basically be between Bowen and Udoka, and Bruce is getting close to done.
3 guys to play the 2.
4-ish to play the 1. Primarily between Parker and Vaughn again this season. Not bad, but Jacque isn't a spring chicken.
Will it be good enough?
This roster isn't terrible or anything. The concern would be that Manu won't rehab right, or he'll have lost his explosiveness when he does get back. This team can certainly weather the early part of the season without Manu. The West is quite good again, but they should be alright considering the talent and experience. The Spurs admittedly start out a season sort of slow. This season it could actually be because someone's injured. Nice to have an excuse finally.
2. Is this team good enough?
Possibly. It'll depend on how things come together for the other top teams out West this year.
a. The Lakers - Bynum is back, and Kobe is foregoing surgery on the pinkie he injured last February. Kobe still managed to average nearly 30 points a game. Pau will finally have a full season to develop chemistry with the team. None of these things really make me feel better.
Pau looks like a sissy terrorist from some slavic country?
Still don't feel better.
b. The Hornets - Chris Paul is a beast. David West is likely one of the best power forwards in the league playing with the best point guard in the league. Tyson Chandler feasts on the blood of infants, and by "infants" I mean "lob passes." Yes, I know that makes no sense, but I don't have any joke here.
c. The Rockets - Well, Ron Ron should make them a whole hell of a lot better, and they didn't suck before. Can I pencil in Tracy and Yao missing about a month a piece? In years past this mattered (well until last year and the winning streak) but now even if one is down, the Rockets will still have two superstar players. Rafer Alston can prove if his second half play last year was it clicking for him or an aberration, and the bench looks nice. The bench used to be one of their big issues, but now as a Spurs fan I understand it. Is this how the Captain used to feel about his team all the time?
The Spurs can likely handle the rest of the West without the whirling dervish.
Here's to hoping it works out. I do enjoy the odd year banners in the AT&T Center.
-Dusty
Monday, September 8, 2008
Bong Hits for Jesus, Round 2
The front office strategy of the New York Knicks has become evident to me. Some people are wondering how long it will take for D'Antoni to to make it his team. The contracts of Zach Randolph and Eddie Curry are particularly troublesome. Neither one of those gentlemen is much of a sprinter. Well, it would appear that Randolph will quickly be on the move, so where does this leave them? Exactly where they want to be. They've dumped one oversized, slowish guy, and I know how they're going to get rid of Curry.
They're going to kill him.
Now, I don't mean they're going to hire a contract killer or anything, but they have an easy way to finish him off and call it a work-related accident. Just run the man to death.
Think about it. They hired the NBA's premier run and gun coach (no disrespect to Nellie), and they're going to let him coach a guy with a heart condition!
Seven seconds or less.
Get the defibrillator ready.
-Dusty
They're going to kill him.
Now, I don't mean they're going to hire a contract killer or anything, but they have an easy way to finish him off and call it a work-related accident. Just run the man to death.
Think about it. They hired the NBA's premier run and gun coach (no disrespect to Nellie), and they're going to let him coach a guy with a heart condition!
Seven seconds or less.
Get the defibrillator ready.
-Dusty
The Dream
Alright, Hakeem the Dream Olajuwon has been inducted into the Hall of Fame. I feel like I should be more excited about this, but for me (and anyone who ever wtached him play) the proper response is, "well duh." Dream was one of the most amazing players I have ever seen, and I had the pleasure of living in Houston while he was at the peak of his powers bringing two titles to Clutch City. Here is what I vividly remember:
I am playing little league baseball on the day that the Rockets clinched vs. Pheonix in the West playoffs and instead of coaching us the parents have a radio on blasting the game. Everytime Dream touches the ball we all feel OK about the game, and because he is on the floor we know how much better everyone else around him becomes. So when Mario Elie hits the Kiss of Death Three, everyone simultaneously lets a scream for joy, except for teh kid that struck out right when the shot went in...
Hakeem spotting up for a corner three in playoffs just to show off, and draining it.
Hakeem absolutely abusing David Robinson after Robinson accepted the MVP. Ranks as the second most embarassing MVP showing behind Dirk's no show against the Warriors. Though I think Robinson would argue that getting abused by one of the top three centers of all time isn't anything to be too ashamed of, but still...
Shaquille O'Neal showing humility because he knew Hakeem had throttled him in his first foray into Finals basketball. If anything we might credit Hakeem with making Shaq hungrier and nastier than he already was. I am betting O'Neal has never forgotten what it was like to play against someone better than him in almost every way.
Most of all Hakeem had something that cannot be coached on teh basketball floor. He carried himself with a sense of pride and dignity that made you proud to root for his team. He was devastating on the court, but he was a statesman off of it, and a class act for teh city of Houston. Dusty will tell you that Spurs fans feel the same way about Timmy. It is somehting altogether different to watch a player that not only gets a whole city excited about basketball, but gets a whole city excited about itself.
The Captain signing off for now...
I am playing little league baseball on the day that the Rockets clinched vs. Pheonix in the West playoffs and instead of coaching us the parents have a radio on blasting the game. Everytime Dream touches the ball we all feel OK about the game, and because he is on the floor we know how much better everyone else around him becomes. So when Mario Elie hits the Kiss of Death Three, everyone simultaneously lets a scream for joy, except for teh kid that struck out right when the shot went in...
Hakeem spotting up for a corner three in playoffs just to show off, and draining it.
Hakeem absolutely abusing David Robinson after Robinson accepted the MVP. Ranks as the second most embarassing MVP showing behind Dirk's no show against the Warriors. Though I think Robinson would argue that getting abused by one of the top three centers of all time isn't anything to be too ashamed of, but still...
Shaquille O'Neal showing humility because he knew Hakeem had throttled him in his first foray into Finals basketball. If anything we might credit Hakeem with making Shaq hungrier and nastier than he already was. I am betting O'Neal has never forgotten what it was like to play against someone better than him in almost every way.
Most of all Hakeem had something that cannot be coached on teh basketball floor. He carried himself with a sense of pride and dignity that made you proud to root for his team. He was devastating on the court, but he was a statesman off of it, and a class act for teh city of Houston. Dusty will tell you that Spurs fans feel the same way about Timmy. It is somehting altogether different to watch a player that not only gets a whole city excited about basketball, but gets a whole city excited about itself.
The Captain signing off for now...
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Seek and Ye Shall Find
An interesting idea has been kicking around the brain factory recently. A new resident of an NBA city needs to see how the fans of the city respond to the team. Living in Atlanta certainly brings it's own particular challenge since the city (mostly) seems to not give a damn about the team. This might make for an interesting research project. This site would feel relatively comfortable analyzing the fan bases of three, possibly four NBA franchises. A research project of this sort could lead to interesting analysis of major metropolitan centers in the United States, but there are some considerations:
1. While one city being observed is residence to the authors, the other two guaranteed cities are former residence of the authors.
Answer: This is only appropriate. We don't live in Cleveland, and we're not fucking going to Cleveland.
2. Three of the possible subjects also happen to be the three teams from Texas. Does region matter to analysis?
Answer: Perhaps, but broke twenty-somethings can't travel a great deal, so deal with it
3. The fourth possible option is Dallas, a city neither author has lived in but seems to despise.
Answer: Distaste for Dallas is based on experiences there and with people who identify strongly as residence of said location.
So that's it. We'll be occasionally bringing you reports about Atlanta mixed in with reports on the sociological importance of the Rockets, Spurs and possibly Mavericks.
Feast bitches,
-Dusty
1. While one city being observed is residence to the authors, the other two guaranteed cities are former residence of the authors.
Answer: This is only appropriate. We don't live in Cleveland, and we're not fucking going to Cleveland.
2. Three of the possible subjects also happen to be the three teams from Texas. Does region matter to analysis?
Answer: Perhaps, but broke twenty-somethings can't travel a great deal, so deal with it
3. The fourth possible option is Dallas, a city neither author has lived in but seems to despise.
Answer: Distaste for Dallas is based on experiences there and with people who identify strongly as residence of said location.
So that's it. We'll be occasionally bringing you reports about Atlanta mixed in with reports on the sociological importance of the Rockets, Spurs and possibly Mavericks.
Feast bitches,
-Dusty
Bong Hits for Jesus, Round 1
We’re running through my Itunes, reader. The party just rocked through the new Black Keys, and we’re on to “Paranoid” by Black Sabbath. It’s a party folks. The beer is running and it’s time for the first edition of “Bong Hits for Jesus.”
In tonight’s edition I would like to tell you how much I like Mark Cuban.
That’s right. A Spurs fan loves the Cubester.
Mark Cuban is exactly the kind of owner that any fan would be, and that’s exactly why you should like him too.
Several years ago there was a great piece in Sports Illustrated about Mark Cuban after he’d owned the Mavericks for a few years. Highlights of the article include:
-He lived in a huge mansion that had almost no furnishing in the entire thing.
-One of his main recruiting tools for players was providing them with incredibly plush towels.
*Tony Iomi is destroying on a solo right now.
-Cuban said that he always remembered a place with nice towels, so he figured the presence of nice towels, along with offers to exorbitantly over pay to get talent, would convince people to play in Big D.
-Dallas was also the first place (I believe) to put PS2’s (this is several years ago) and flat screen TVs in the lockers for every player.
*Planet Caravan might be one of the greatest pieces to put an album together, ever.
Mark Cuban would appear to be the kind of guy who wants to run his team like a successful business and a great hometown team.
I know what you’ll say. “Dallas fans suck. They’re all bandwagon, it’s not a loyal town.” You would not be totally wrong. I have to point out that some of the most die hard, knowledgeable fans I’ve ever met were Mavericks fans, but you would be generally true with your opinion. Now, Freeballin’ will never be a forum for the advanced kind of sociological research necessary to try and explain the typical Dallas-wish-wash fan. Today I am simply trying to convince you that Mark Cuban is the right kind of owner for any sports team, and his methods are risky (business background) or stupid (might be due to living in Dallas, did I say that out loud? Whoops.) but they show a degree of concern for the team and city that I admire.
Spurs fans were irate when Cuban went on the air during the playoffs and insulted the great city of San Antonio by calling the Riverwalk “muddy” and gross or something to that effect. He railed on the city, and I loved every second of it. What the hell does Mark Cuban care about the Riverwalk one way or another? Hell, what do the citizens of SA care about the Riverwalk? It’s just for the tourists. The Riverwalk may be an important part of the economy in SA (big tourist site), but it’s not an insult to city pride. I mean it’s not like he knocked on Taco Cabana.
Mark Cuban was simply trying to rile up fan support and intensity. He was just trying to get everyone amped and excited. That is awesome, folks. Rivalries are what make sports great, so if someone is encouraging the citizenry (without going too far below the belt, leave my bean and cheese alone), then I cannot condemn that person. I’ll say it. God bless you, Mark Cuban.
I want rivalries! I want vengeance! I want bean and cheese! And you should too.
Mark Cuban does.
-Dusty
In tonight’s edition I would like to tell you how much I like Mark Cuban.
That’s right. A Spurs fan loves the Cubester.
Mark Cuban is exactly the kind of owner that any fan would be, and that’s exactly why you should like him too.
Several years ago there was a great piece in Sports Illustrated about Mark Cuban after he’d owned the Mavericks for a few years. Highlights of the article include:
-He lived in a huge mansion that had almost no furnishing in the entire thing.
-One of his main recruiting tools for players was providing them with incredibly plush towels.
*Tony Iomi is destroying on a solo right now.
-Cuban said that he always remembered a place with nice towels, so he figured the presence of nice towels, along with offers to exorbitantly over pay to get talent, would convince people to play in Big D.
-Dallas was also the first place (I believe) to put PS2’s (this is several years ago) and flat screen TVs in the lockers for every player.
*Planet Caravan might be one of the greatest pieces to put an album together, ever.
Mark Cuban would appear to be the kind of guy who wants to run his team like a successful business and a great hometown team.
I know what you’ll say. “Dallas fans suck. They’re all bandwagon, it’s not a loyal town.” You would not be totally wrong. I have to point out that some of the most die hard, knowledgeable fans I’ve ever met were Mavericks fans, but you would be generally true with your opinion. Now, Freeballin’ will never be a forum for the advanced kind of sociological research necessary to try and explain the typical Dallas-wish-wash fan. Today I am simply trying to convince you that Mark Cuban is the right kind of owner for any sports team, and his methods are risky (business background) or stupid (might be due to living in Dallas, did I say that out loud? Whoops.) but they show a degree of concern for the team and city that I admire.
Spurs fans were irate when Cuban went on the air during the playoffs and insulted the great city of San Antonio by calling the Riverwalk “muddy” and gross or something to that effect. He railed on the city, and I loved every second of it. What the hell does Mark Cuban care about the Riverwalk one way or another? Hell, what do the citizens of SA care about the Riverwalk? It’s just for the tourists. The Riverwalk may be an important part of the economy in SA (big tourist site), but it’s not an insult to city pride. I mean it’s not like he knocked on Taco Cabana.
Mark Cuban was simply trying to rile up fan support and intensity. He was just trying to get everyone amped and excited. That is awesome, folks. Rivalries are what make sports great, so if someone is encouraging the citizenry (without going too far below the belt, leave my bean and cheese alone), then I cannot condemn that person. I’ll say it. God bless you, Mark Cuban.
I want rivalries! I want vengeance! I want bean and cheese! And you should too.
Mark Cuban does.
-Dusty
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Ron-Ron. A Fickle mistress...
In a perfect world Ron-Ron will be to the Houston Rockets what Bon-Bons were to Peggy Bundy. The sinful indulgence that puts that really makes life better.
I have been hoping that Chuck Hayes or Carl Landry would turn into Charles Oakley and that we would pick up the next incarnation of Vernon Maxwell at the same time... I thought it would take two or three players to do this... We got it all in one crazy and scary individual. Ron Artest has done several interviews since the initial shock of this trade has happened; most of them trying to explain how he is a changed man. He interviews more like Mike Tyson than Sidney Pottier. His history and his perpetual stink eye terrify fans who worry about chemistry, but it also terrifies other teams.
Artest could be the difference between the Rockets being like watching All the Right Moves a hundred times or watching Varsity Blues a hundred times. Varsity Blues still makes me laugh and All the Right Moves still makes me scratch my head as to ho this guy has become the leader of a religous cult. I think it is better to laugh more than ponder sociopathic religous pyramid schemes, myself. Anyway,the Rockets looked at all the first round exits and decided that for the price of Bobby Jax and two late first round pics that they wanted could say, "I don't want your life," to the old days and risk their team turning into talk show fodder.
Despite any of this, I believe that we are moving toward a more enjoyable product. Louis Scola and not Ron-Ron could be the sixth man of the year. That is a bold prediction that if right means we will be, at teh very least, in the Conference finals. I firmly believe that Ron will need to be on the floor at the beginning of the game to keep him happy. Louis coming off the bench though adds offense and makes sense because he is an energy guy. not a crazy guy,
I like this trade because we gave away little that would fit on our team, and if it doesn't work we still have a trade chip/expiring contract. This finally give the Rockets a combination of players with edge and talent. I think Artest will be more like Rodman than J.R. RIder.
The Captain Signing off for now...
I have been hoping that Chuck Hayes or Carl Landry would turn into Charles Oakley and that we would pick up the next incarnation of Vernon Maxwell at the same time... I thought it would take two or three players to do this... We got it all in one crazy and scary individual. Ron Artest has done several interviews since the initial shock of this trade has happened; most of them trying to explain how he is a changed man. He interviews more like Mike Tyson than Sidney Pottier. His history and his perpetual stink eye terrify fans who worry about chemistry, but it also terrifies other teams.
Artest could be the difference between the Rockets being like watching All the Right Moves a hundred times or watching Varsity Blues a hundred times. Varsity Blues still makes me laugh and All the Right Moves still makes me scratch my head as to ho this guy has become the leader of a religous cult. I think it is better to laugh more than ponder sociopathic religous pyramid schemes, myself. Anyway,the Rockets looked at all the first round exits and decided that for the price of Bobby Jax and two late first round pics that they wanted could say, "I don't want your life," to the old days and risk their team turning into talk show fodder.
Despite any of this, I believe that we are moving toward a more enjoyable product. Louis Scola and not Ron-Ron could be the sixth man of the year. That is a bold prediction that if right means we will be, at teh very least, in the Conference finals. I firmly believe that Ron will need to be on the floor at the beginning of the game to keep him happy. Louis coming off the bench though adds offense and makes sense because he is an energy guy. not a crazy guy,
I like this trade because we gave away little that would fit on our team, and if it doesn't work we still have a trade chip/expiring contract. This finally give the Rockets a combination of players with edge and talent. I think Artest will be more like Rodman than J.R. RIder.
The Captain Signing off for now...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
So, I would love to tell you that I have not posted during the finals and the draft because I was on sabatical doing awesome things. I was in Cairo digging up pieces of antiquity. I was in the Swiss Riviera soaking in the plentitude of unfettered access to European... Actually I have been a lazy shit. It happens. I haven't written because I have been on my own mental holiday, but for you, readers, I will extricate myself from the mire of irresponsibility and donate a long rambling column of weirdness on the orange underground... Elipsis will abound... Even if they are used improperly...
The Finals... Still shocked. The West is the best. The Celts played beyond their ability for the first time in entire playoffs. The slid through the ice of the East and made it out because the conference sucked, and then they played a team that admitted they weren't ready. Fuck, people called this... It was like calling the end to a David Lynch movie. You might be right, but you were lucky. Real damn lucky. No way that finals represented the best in the West... I hate it... I hate it... more elipsis...
The Draft... typical... The Bulls drafted for fit like Ron Jeremy has sex for fit with a narrow virgin. I hope you were repulsed by that joke. Here we go, might not get better from here. Derek Rose could be the Charlie Ward or T.J. Ford, not a number one overall when Beasley is on the board. Micheal Beasley had better stats than Kevin Durant. The second year in a row a perfect first overall was skipped for a stupid pick... I said it, and it has nothing to do with the fact that the gimp hasn't played a game. Beasley will reach for the sky and tear up the ground... Bad Company style... F'n A Cotton, F'n A... Beasley will be the shit. If Pat Riley had skipped him the draft I would have driven to his house and talked to him about it.
Baron Davis... Oops! Elton Brand left. He left because Stern was diverting intentions away from the tampering charges and Tim Donaghy. He had to make sure Donaghy got a stiffer sentence than Pete Rose. Baron leaving the Warriors makes life better for up and comers in the West because both teams go shittier.
Brand... Elton will bring them to the finals if Igggie re-ups. For sure.
Josh Childress left because the dollar sucks. Usually apathetic about politics, but this one hurts. When the administration fucks us by letting the next sixth man of the year leave for Europe because our currency sucks we have problems.
Andris Beidrins got similar money to Emeka Okafor... Wtf?... Thats right I just typed a text abbreviation... I hate myself... Shit... Elipsis...
The Olympics are about to start and I am wondering what is going to happen with Yao's foot and Dwayne Wade's entire body...
Ime Udoka is the next Kelenna Azibuike (I spelled that wrong)...
More from the Captain more sooner than the last time.
The Finals... Still shocked. The West is the best. The Celts played beyond their ability for the first time in entire playoffs. The slid through the ice of the East and made it out because the conference sucked, and then they played a team that admitted they weren't ready. Fuck, people called this... It was like calling the end to a David Lynch movie. You might be right, but you were lucky. Real damn lucky. No way that finals represented the best in the West... I hate it... I hate it... more elipsis...
The Draft... typical... The Bulls drafted for fit like Ron Jeremy has sex for fit with a narrow virgin. I hope you were repulsed by that joke. Here we go, might not get better from here. Derek Rose could be the Charlie Ward or T.J. Ford, not a number one overall when Beasley is on the board. Micheal Beasley had better stats than Kevin Durant. The second year in a row a perfect first overall was skipped for a stupid pick... I said it, and it has nothing to do with the fact that the gimp hasn't played a game. Beasley will reach for the sky and tear up the ground... Bad Company style... F'n A Cotton, F'n A... Beasley will be the shit. If Pat Riley had skipped him the draft I would have driven to his house and talked to him about it.
Baron Davis... Oops! Elton Brand left. He left because Stern was diverting intentions away from the tampering charges and Tim Donaghy. He had to make sure Donaghy got a stiffer sentence than Pete Rose. Baron leaving the Warriors makes life better for up and comers in the West because both teams go shittier.
Brand... Elton will bring them to the finals if Igggie re-ups. For sure.
Josh Childress left because the dollar sucks. Usually apathetic about politics, but this one hurts. When the administration fucks us by letting the next sixth man of the year leave for Europe because our currency sucks we have problems.
Andris Beidrins got similar money to Emeka Okafor... Wtf?... Thats right I just typed a text abbreviation... I hate myself... Shit... Elipsis...
The Olympics are about to start and I am wondering what is going to happen with Yao's foot and Dwayne Wade's entire body...
Ime Udoka is the next Kelenna Azibuike (I spelled that wrong)...
More from the Captain more sooner than the last time.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
How Everyone Loses
So Clay Bennett is bringing the NBA to OKC. For those of you who don’t know, well, get caught up. I’m not going to waste any time here laying out the details of how exactly the NBA team that was the Seattle Super Sonics came to be the tenants of the Ford Center in Oklahoma City. I am more concerned with laying out why this is tremendously unfair to all sides involved.
Why it sucks for Seattle:
The Sonics had been Seattle’s longest tenured team. I have, tragically, never been to Seattle, but I keep hearing that the people there love their team. This move will apparently devastate the good people of Seattle. I sympathize with them, I really do. However, the reason this really sucks is that the political and business leadership in Seattle are the people who screwed this up in the first place. The reason David Stern and the league didn’t back up the city was because they wouldn’t build a new, state-of-the-art arena for the Sonics. I’ve always thought this was a lousy thing to call a city out on, particularly if the arena they play in is still relatively new (check) and is designed for the sport (check). I understood why the Spurs wanted to build a new arena to get out of the Alamodome. The Alamodome was an arena designed for a football team (which they don’t have and weren’t going to get), and an NBA team is going to have a hard time operating in sub-standard facilities, but by all accounts (excluding David Stern) Key Arena was still in pretty good shape. So here’s what needed to happen for the Sonics to stay in Seattle:
A. The good people of Seattle need to consent to a tax hike to pay for new facilities for the Sonics. This seems reasonable from a prosperous city like Seattle. Two factors made this a little unreasonable 1. Safeco Field (opened in 1999) 2. Qwest Field (opened in 2002). That’s right folks, two other professional arenas built and completed at least two a good extent on the taxes on the locals within the last decade.
B. Have I mentioned yet that the previous owner of the Seattle Super Sonics was a guy named Howard Schultz? Oh yeah, he’s the CEO of Starbucks. So he really couldn’t foot the bill for a new arena? I mean, I guess it would’ve been unfair since the city bailed out the owners of the Seahawks and Mariners. So if Schultz wasn’t going to put up the funds for the Sonics, then obviously…
C. Hurricane Katrina should’ve been forcibly stopped by the collective will power of Ray Nagen and George W. Bush, but since they didn’t use their powers to hold back the oncoming waters of a deadly storm, the New Orleans Hornets (under supported) had to relocate for two seasons to Oklahoma City. Now a place like Oklahoma City works well for a professional franchise, and they deserve to get a team of some sort (more on this later). OKC opened up its arena and sold out a ton of games. Suddenly the NBA is viable in the land of clay and Indian casinos. This means….
D. Maybe you shouldn’t sell the franchise to investors from OKC unless you’re ok with them moving the team there. I mean this really wasn’t hard to predict was it? I don’t have any insider information, but after seeing the success of the Hornets in OKC, was it all that surprising to find out that the new owners were going to exploit the arena issues to move the team out of Seattle? Schultz said he had an agreement that Clay Bennett and the investors would do their best to keep the Sonics in Seattle. I mean, you knew what that meant right? You knew their “best” wasn’t going to be good enough, right? I mean Schultz must have some business sense, right? It’s not like he’s the CEO of a company that has locations on all four corners of every intersection in America, right?
The political and business leaders stepped in too late to try and keep the team in Seattle, but the lateness of their action makes me think that they are either 1. Incompetent (almost certainly with politicians) and/or 2. They just didn’t care that much about the team (seems highly likely). The losers on this side of the equation are definitely the good people of Seattle, but I think the fans in OKC deserve better than this as well, and that will be the subject of my next post.
-Dusty
Why it sucks for Seattle:
The Sonics had been Seattle’s longest tenured team. I have, tragically, never been to Seattle, but I keep hearing that the people there love their team. This move will apparently devastate the good people of Seattle. I sympathize with them, I really do. However, the reason this really sucks is that the political and business leadership in Seattle are the people who screwed this up in the first place. The reason David Stern and the league didn’t back up the city was because they wouldn’t build a new, state-of-the-art arena for the Sonics. I’ve always thought this was a lousy thing to call a city out on, particularly if the arena they play in is still relatively new (check) and is designed for the sport (check). I understood why the Spurs wanted to build a new arena to get out of the Alamodome. The Alamodome was an arena designed for a football team (which they don’t have and weren’t going to get), and an NBA team is going to have a hard time operating in sub-standard facilities, but by all accounts (excluding David Stern) Key Arena was still in pretty good shape. So here’s what needed to happen for the Sonics to stay in Seattle:
A. The good people of Seattle need to consent to a tax hike to pay for new facilities for the Sonics. This seems reasonable from a prosperous city like Seattle. Two factors made this a little unreasonable 1. Safeco Field (opened in 1999) 2. Qwest Field (opened in 2002). That’s right folks, two other professional arenas built and completed at least two a good extent on the taxes on the locals within the last decade.
B. Have I mentioned yet that the previous owner of the Seattle Super Sonics was a guy named Howard Schultz? Oh yeah, he’s the CEO of Starbucks. So he really couldn’t foot the bill for a new arena? I mean, I guess it would’ve been unfair since the city bailed out the owners of the Seahawks and Mariners. So if Schultz wasn’t going to put up the funds for the Sonics, then obviously…
C. Hurricane Katrina should’ve been forcibly stopped by the collective will power of Ray Nagen and George W. Bush, but since they didn’t use their powers to hold back the oncoming waters of a deadly storm, the New Orleans Hornets (under supported) had to relocate for two seasons to Oklahoma City. Now a place like Oklahoma City works well for a professional franchise, and they deserve to get a team of some sort (more on this later). OKC opened up its arena and sold out a ton of games. Suddenly the NBA is viable in the land of clay and Indian casinos. This means….
D. Maybe you shouldn’t sell the franchise to investors from OKC unless you’re ok with them moving the team there. I mean this really wasn’t hard to predict was it? I don’t have any insider information, but after seeing the success of the Hornets in OKC, was it all that surprising to find out that the new owners were going to exploit the arena issues to move the team out of Seattle? Schultz said he had an agreement that Clay Bennett and the investors would do their best to keep the Sonics in Seattle. I mean, you knew what that meant right? You knew their “best” wasn’t going to be good enough, right? I mean Schultz must have some business sense, right? It’s not like he’s the CEO of a company that has locations on all four corners of every intersection in America, right?
The political and business leaders stepped in too late to try and keep the team in Seattle, but the lateness of their action makes me think that they are either 1. Incompetent (almost certainly with politicians) and/or 2. They just didn’t care that much about the team (seems highly likely). The losers on this side of the equation are definitely the good people of Seattle, but I think the fans in OKC deserve better than this as well, and that will be the subject of my next post.
-Dusty
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
More Ramblings
Alright this is gonna get weird... the following things will make their way into this post pepto bismol, strip poker, and a bullwhip... among other things.
I am bothered by the fact that the Pistons and Celtics series went to 2-2. The Celtics shot almost forty free throws and they couldn't win. This lends more creedence to the Doc Rivers argument I made last post. I am not a rocket scientist, but shit let's think about this for a moment folks. The Celts are a good free throw shooting team, 77%, which is good for 8th in the league. So, let's call it 4 out of 5 which is 32 points free points if they shoot slightly above their average. The Celts lost by 19 points. If I were Wyc Groesbeck I would be slogging back pepto bismol and wondering how I fire Doc Rivers without having every reporter with an original ideal playing the race card on me. If he fires Doc it will happen, the only thing he could do to cause more problems for himself is showing up to a Red Sox game in an Indiana Jones costume and nailing John Lester with a bullwhip, while screaming that the Martians were about to suck Machu Pichu and Fenway through a hole in the ground never to be seen again.
So, that's bad enough, but let's go to this more important issue. The thing that has been shown here is we are looking at a team that will not be defeated by anything but their own ineptitude in the Celtics. I think the mustache is going to have to pull all the stops out to get Boston to the finals and playing for the Larry O'Brien trophy. The mustache better have pictures of Joe Dumars in a strip poker game with Greg Popovitch and R.C. Buford playing for the rights to obscure Euro draft picks that someone has to take at the first opportunity. This would explain the Darko Milicic pick. It would also explain why there is no way that the mustache would be ok with a Spurs and Pistons finals, even if they are better teams this year than the other teams. That's questionable with the Spurs and Lakers, but with the C's and Doc at the the helm there is no question. I am not saying teh Celtics don't have more talent than the Pistons, but someone has to have a battle plan. The Celts don't have one. When Antonio McDyess starts looking like one of the best quick release shooters in the game against you maybe you have to start asking questions. What does the mustache have in store? Maybe nothing, maybe something crazy.
The game tonight should be interesting. What will the Spurs do? They are fighting uphill, but they look good when everyone is close to some of the best Mexican food in the country. This might be a positive for guys who are acclimated to the guts bombs that this can induce, and a decided disadvantage for those who are not familiar with the potential for disaster when Montezuma's revenge, Tex Mex style, is involved. If I am the Spurs I am making sure that the Lakers are getting the full service treatment from one the River City's many 24 hour taquerias that can make you feel like you are about to lose vital internal organs.
A post on trade rumors is cooking right now. The Captain signing off for now...
I am bothered by the fact that the Pistons and Celtics series went to 2-2. The Celtics shot almost forty free throws and they couldn't win. This lends more creedence to the Doc Rivers argument I made last post. I am not a rocket scientist, but shit let's think about this for a moment folks. The Celts are a good free throw shooting team, 77%, which is good for 8th in the league. So, let's call it 4 out of 5 which is 32 points free points if they shoot slightly above their average. The Celts lost by 19 points. If I were Wyc Groesbeck I would be slogging back pepto bismol and wondering how I fire Doc Rivers without having every reporter with an original ideal playing the race card on me. If he fires Doc it will happen, the only thing he could do to cause more problems for himself is showing up to a Red Sox game in an Indiana Jones costume and nailing John Lester with a bullwhip, while screaming that the Martians were about to suck Machu Pichu and Fenway through a hole in the ground never to be seen again.
So, that's bad enough, but let's go to this more important issue. The thing that has been shown here is we are looking at a team that will not be defeated by anything but their own ineptitude in the Celtics. I think the mustache is going to have to pull all the stops out to get Boston to the finals and playing for the Larry O'Brien trophy. The mustache better have pictures of Joe Dumars in a strip poker game with Greg Popovitch and R.C. Buford playing for the rights to obscure Euro draft picks that someone has to take at the first opportunity. This would explain the Darko Milicic pick. It would also explain why there is no way that the mustache would be ok with a Spurs and Pistons finals, even if they are better teams this year than the other teams. That's questionable with the Spurs and Lakers, but with the C's and Doc at the the helm there is no question. I am not saying teh Celtics don't have more talent than the Pistons, but someone has to have a battle plan. The Celts don't have one. When Antonio McDyess starts looking like one of the best quick release shooters in the game against you maybe you have to start asking questions. What does the mustache have in store? Maybe nothing, maybe something crazy.
The game tonight should be interesting. What will the Spurs do? They are fighting uphill, but they look good when everyone is close to some of the best Mexican food in the country. This might be a positive for guys who are acclimated to the guts bombs that this can induce, and a decided disadvantage for those who are not familiar with the potential for disaster when Montezuma's revenge, Tex Mex style, is involved. If I am the Spurs I am making sure that the Lakers are getting the full service treatment from one the River City's many 24 hour taquerias that can make you feel like you are about to lose vital internal organs.
A post on trade rumors is cooking right now. The Captain signing off for now...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
I was born a Rambling Man
Some thoughts for you,
The Boston Celtics won their first road game in the playoffs. In the conference finals. Um, talk about backing your way into greatness. Let's think about this for a second. First round they played the Atlanta Hawks. For those of you keeping score at home the Hawks regular season record was eight games under .500. If you are a sixty win team, and you cannot beat a team that has arguabaly one of the most apathetic fan bases in the country that, and backed their way into the playoffs, then that's sign you won't get out of the next round. Unless you play the Cleveland Cavaliers, who are basically like the headless horseman of the NBA. They are terrifying until you figure out that the brains of the operation is a hollow pumpkin. The Cavs set offense makes Jeff Van Gundy look like an offensive guru. Which brings me to an interesting proposition? If Doc Rivers doesn't get a championship with this team, and he won't, how many seasons does he get to coach them. If they get embarrased in the finals, and they will if they get there, does Doc get fired? Does Doc get fired if they don't make the finals? I really want to know because it would be hard to fire a sixty win coach, unless that coach made it abundantly clear during the playoffs that his strategy didn't figure into it at all. Doc has done nothing if not that by having a superior team in the previous two series and dragging the series out to seven games somehow. If JVG were doing this wouldn't people be up in arms about this? People in Houston bristled when he had a team playing above their potential because he was a curmudgeon and he refused to give up the four hair come over. Thank you for finally giving that up Jeff. Doc should have been fired last year. He has a great team this year, that doesn't make him a great coach.
Detroit has one of the best benches in the league. I almost mentioned Rodney Stuckey in my preview, and I would have looked really smart if I had. This going to be rough for the Pistons if Chauncey isn't full strength. It would be interesting to me to see what would possibly motivate Sheed to turn this into his own personal vendetta to win.
LA and San Antonio is interesting. Kobe is mindblowing, now that I have gotten that of the way for Darko, I would like to talk about something else in this series. There have been an inordinant amount of make up calls in this series. Anytime the Spurs look like they are gaining momentum the game and the officials or foul shooting the Lakers will get a call somewhere. Take the we shouldn't have called a tech on Derek Fisher call on the next possesion. OR the fact that if Bob Horry had fouled Kobe the way Turiaf fouled Ginobli in garbage minutes we would be hearing about a possible suspension. I am wondering if Stern has a Manchurian Candidate thing going on with the officials in both the Boston series and this one to make sure that the officials do their part to provide the most lucrative finals (commercially) since MJ was playing. That being said the Spurs looked tired the first two games and were able to recover well for a third game. I am wondering if they have enough to get it done down the homestretch.
The Mavs are shopping Josh Howard? The Ponies want to get rid of one of the only athletes on their roster? I bet his trade value is through the rough after his recent confessionals on Micheal Irvin's radio show too. A quick aside on this, if you were going to confess to anything in front of Mike Irvin I bet talking about smoking pot in front of him would be like telling your grandmother that you have jaywalked once in your life. Irvin's exploits off the field are almost as well known as his palymaking on the field. I bet when they were off the air during commercial breaks Irvin was telling the young man about snorting elbows off of strippers asses, while Nate Newton bench pressed his own weight in pot. Right before the commercial break is over and Irvin has told a story that makes Howard feel he has to say something, cue the music, so Josh what are your thoughts on partying with some smoke? Roll tape. Speaking of...
Joakim Noah just got charged with possesion of the devil's lettuce, which is about as surprising as John McCain interviewing a fascist for his running mate...
Alright I'm done, The Captain signing off for now...
The Boston Celtics won their first road game in the playoffs. In the conference finals. Um, talk about backing your way into greatness. Let's think about this for a second. First round they played the Atlanta Hawks. For those of you keeping score at home the Hawks regular season record was eight games under .500. If you are a sixty win team, and you cannot beat a team that has arguabaly one of the most apathetic fan bases in the country that, and backed their way into the playoffs, then that's sign you won't get out of the next round. Unless you play the Cleveland Cavaliers, who are basically like the headless horseman of the NBA. They are terrifying until you figure out that the brains of the operation is a hollow pumpkin. The Cavs set offense makes Jeff Van Gundy look like an offensive guru. Which brings me to an interesting proposition? If Doc Rivers doesn't get a championship with this team, and he won't, how many seasons does he get to coach them. If they get embarrased in the finals, and they will if they get there, does Doc get fired? Does Doc get fired if they don't make the finals? I really want to know because it would be hard to fire a sixty win coach, unless that coach made it abundantly clear during the playoffs that his strategy didn't figure into it at all. Doc has done nothing if not that by having a superior team in the previous two series and dragging the series out to seven games somehow. If JVG were doing this wouldn't people be up in arms about this? People in Houston bristled when he had a team playing above their potential because he was a curmudgeon and he refused to give up the four hair come over. Thank you for finally giving that up Jeff. Doc should have been fired last year. He has a great team this year, that doesn't make him a great coach.
Detroit has one of the best benches in the league. I almost mentioned Rodney Stuckey in my preview, and I would have looked really smart if I had. This going to be rough for the Pistons if Chauncey isn't full strength. It would be interesting to me to see what would possibly motivate Sheed to turn this into his own personal vendetta to win.
LA and San Antonio is interesting. Kobe is mindblowing, now that I have gotten that of the way for Darko, I would like to talk about something else in this series. There have been an inordinant amount of make up calls in this series. Anytime the Spurs look like they are gaining momentum the game and the officials or foul shooting the Lakers will get a call somewhere. Take the we shouldn't have called a tech on Derek Fisher call on the next possesion. OR the fact that if Bob Horry had fouled Kobe the way Turiaf fouled Ginobli in garbage minutes we would be hearing about a possible suspension. I am wondering if Stern has a Manchurian Candidate thing going on with the officials in both the Boston series and this one to make sure that the officials do their part to provide the most lucrative finals (commercially) since MJ was playing. That being said the Spurs looked tired the first two games and were able to recover well for a third game. I am wondering if they have enough to get it done down the homestretch.
The Mavs are shopping Josh Howard? The Ponies want to get rid of one of the only athletes on their roster? I bet his trade value is through the rough after his recent confessionals on Micheal Irvin's radio show too. A quick aside on this, if you were going to confess to anything in front of Mike Irvin I bet talking about smoking pot in front of him would be like telling your grandmother that you have jaywalked once in your life. Irvin's exploits off the field are almost as well known as his palymaking on the field. I bet when they were off the air during commercial breaks Irvin was telling the young man about snorting elbows off of strippers asses, while Nate Newton bench pressed his own weight in pot. Right before the commercial break is over and Irvin has told a story that makes Howard feel he has to say something, cue the music, so Josh what are your thoughts on partying with some smoke? Roll tape. Speaking of...
Joakim Noah just got charged with possesion of the devil's lettuce, which is about as surprising as John McCain interviewing a fascist for his running mate...
Alright I'm done, The Captain signing off for now...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Final Four Part 2
OK, just before game time I am going to give you my thoughts on the SPures and Lakers series, as well as a few other things.
Alright here is how I see it
Tony Parker vs. Derek Fisher: This one easily favors the Spurs. In fact if Parker doesn't get forty in a game this series I will be sorely disappointed. There is no way that Fish can stay in front Tony. I do have to mention .4 seconds for the millionth time just for Dusty's benefit.
Kobe vs. Edward Scissorhands (Bruce Bowen): Kobe will get his, and Bruce is noticably slower this year. However, he is damned annoying and should give Kobe fits by just generally being a dirty and cagey defender.
Ginobli vs. Odom: Manu will determine the outcome of at least one game in this series. He is the second best player on the court late in the game in this series behind Kobe. Ginobli beats Odom as an X factor. Odom will be dangerous if he isn't kept off the boards. His real value are the garbage points he gets.
Oberto vs Pau: Gasol. Not really much to analyze here, but don't be surprised to see some hard fouls from the Argentine.
Vlad Radmanovic vs. Tim Duncan: Um... I don't really need to say anything here either. Duncan will get loose for over thirty at least twice this series. Mark it. There is no one on the Lakers that can slow him down defensively. The only thing they have are lots of warm bodies to throw at him. You will see Vlad, Walton, Turiaf, and Odom run at Duncan.
Benches: I think the SPurs have the edge here for one big reason. They are more experienced, yes, but they are just mean. Robert Horry will commit his obligatory should we suspend him or not foul in the series. Michael Finley will shoot threes at backbreaking times. This series is going to get chippy. The Spurs are meaner though, and it will help them. If the Spurs win this series they will be the most hated team in years because they will have done it by beating the ever living shit out of the up and coming the NBA's glitter and glam team on the West coast. David Stern and the mustache are going to do everything in their considerable power to make this a Boston and LA finals. The difference in rating between that finals set and a San Antonio and Detroit series is staggering. I wouldn't be surprised to see Joey Crawford reffing hald the games in this series and sneering wildly at Duncan and Pop the whole time. Dick Bevetta could be prominitely involved too.
Coaches: This one is a draw. The two best coaches in the league going head to head. Should be good.
Other thoughts- If this Melo for Richard Jefferson trade goes through it will be mind bottling. You know when your thoughts get all trapped in your head like their in a bottle... One of the best pure scorers in the league who hasn't even hit his prime being traded for Richard Jefferson? How in the hell is that possible. Do the Nuggets enjoy trading for injury prone players who used to play in New Jersey? Really, how in the hell could they actually be considering this? The guy has some off court issues, but it isn't like he is J.R. Rider.
The Bulls won the lottery, more come uppances for teams that tank it. The Bulls hit the jackpot. They have to take Micheal Beasley first. That gives them the lowpost scorer they needed and then they can package Ty Thomas and Drew Gooden for something decent, except fo the fact that the Bulls never make trades that make them any better. See Larry Hughes.
The Captain signing off for now...
Alright here is how I see it
Tony Parker vs. Derek Fisher: This one easily favors the Spurs. In fact if Parker doesn't get forty in a game this series I will be sorely disappointed. There is no way that Fish can stay in front Tony. I do have to mention .4 seconds for the millionth time just for Dusty's benefit.
Kobe vs. Edward Scissorhands (Bruce Bowen): Kobe will get his, and Bruce is noticably slower this year. However, he is damned annoying and should give Kobe fits by just generally being a dirty and cagey defender.
Ginobli vs. Odom: Manu will determine the outcome of at least one game in this series. He is the second best player on the court late in the game in this series behind Kobe. Ginobli beats Odom as an X factor. Odom will be dangerous if he isn't kept off the boards. His real value are the garbage points he gets.
Oberto vs Pau: Gasol. Not really much to analyze here, but don't be surprised to see some hard fouls from the Argentine.
Vlad Radmanovic vs. Tim Duncan: Um... I don't really need to say anything here either. Duncan will get loose for over thirty at least twice this series. Mark it. There is no one on the Lakers that can slow him down defensively. The only thing they have are lots of warm bodies to throw at him. You will see Vlad, Walton, Turiaf, and Odom run at Duncan.
Benches: I think the SPurs have the edge here for one big reason. They are more experienced, yes, but they are just mean. Robert Horry will commit his obligatory should we suspend him or not foul in the series. Michael Finley will shoot threes at backbreaking times. This series is going to get chippy. The Spurs are meaner though, and it will help them. If the Spurs win this series they will be the most hated team in years because they will have done it by beating the ever living shit out of the up and coming the NBA's glitter and glam team on the West coast. David Stern and the mustache are going to do everything in their considerable power to make this a Boston and LA finals. The difference in rating between that finals set and a San Antonio and Detroit series is staggering. I wouldn't be surprised to see Joey Crawford reffing hald the games in this series and sneering wildly at Duncan and Pop the whole time. Dick Bevetta could be prominitely involved too.
Coaches: This one is a draw. The two best coaches in the league going head to head. Should be good.
Other thoughts- If this Melo for Richard Jefferson trade goes through it will be mind bottling. You know when your thoughts get all trapped in your head like their in a bottle... One of the best pure scorers in the league who hasn't even hit his prime being traded for Richard Jefferson? How in the hell is that possible. Do the Nuggets enjoy trading for injury prone players who used to play in New Jersey? Really, how in the hell could they actually be considering this? The guy has some off court issues, but it isn't like he is J.R. Rider.
The Bulls won the lottery, more come uppances for teams that tank it. The Bulls hit the jackpot. They have to take Micheal Beasley first. That gives them the lowpost scorer they needed and then they can package Ty Thomas and Drew Gooden for something decent, except fo the fact that the Bulls never make trades that make them any better. See Larry Hughes.
The Captain signing off for now...
Monday, May 19, 2008
Final Four!
"As long as we keep winning, I'm fine."
Manu Ginobli
Not a bad statement. We have the Conference finals ahead of us with the combatants now decided. So here you go, the Captain's preview for the final four at the grown ups table.
Detroit vs. Boston
Well, I think it will be interesting to see if Doc Rivers can confuse his players even further with irregular rotations, and just going with what works from game to game, rather than coming up with a strategy to win games that is specific to the circumstances they face. That was a Moby Dick style run on sentence there. Melville would be proud. It should be interesting to see if KG shows any extra motivation to show up his old skip on the other sideline, but my guess is that KG has less against Flip than he has against the guy with the largest collection of Cosby sweaters in the world. I would give you a player against player break down for this one, but we never know who Doc will play off the bench from game to game so I can't do that. I can give you a starting five comparison and go from there.
Chauncey vs. Rajon: Billups has the Mr. Clutch label. Billups is getting old though. I am wondering if Rajon Rondo doesn't just put his mind to running by Billups every time he gets the opportunity. Billups is a big though, it will be interesting to see what happens when they body up against one another. Billups could post up Rondo regularly and if the help isn't there he should be able to score at will. This is a youth vs. experience battle. Billups gets the edge, only because I don't think the Celtics have any plays drawn up for Rajon other than just letting him run into the middle. Chauncey will muscle Rajon around the court when he feels like it.
Rip Hamilton vs. Ray Allen: Which Ray Allen is showing up? The fans in Boston have been searching for this man like he's Bobby Fisher. He couldn't make a shot against a Cavs team that gave him opportunities. Rip is the best player of his generation offensively without the ball in his hands. Ray Allen is not up to chasing this guy all over the floor.
Tayshaun vs. The Truth: This could determine the series right here. This is the key match up because Pierce is the only person who has scored at will for the Celts, and he will be defended by Kentucky's version of Stretch Armstrong. Prince is one of the best defenders in the league. I would flip a coin to decide whether I would want Tayshaun or Shane Battier defending a swing man for all the marbles.
KG vs. Sheed: The next most interesting match up in the series. Sheed can score on KG. He is one of the few power forwards in the league that can match up with KG. Will he want to? I don't know. Can you predict the winning lottery numbers? Sheed can dominate, but KG is fierce. I expect a record to be set for stink eye exchanges with these two guys in a series. Sheed is the one guy in the league that I can picture hitting KG for mouthing off or posturing too aggressively. Sheed is the Martin Riggs of the NBA.
McDyess vs. Perkins: Antonio McDyess has the experience. Perkins has the youth. It's a wash
Benches: Boston's bench doesn't know who is going to play. Detroit wins.
A kicker here, Boston has to win a road game at the Palace if they are going to win because Detroit will take a game in Boston.
San Antonio vs. LA
This is the real series...
I have been hoping for this series because it will showcase a rivalry that could peak during this series. That's saying something because this ranges from .4 seconds to Kobe crying on camera. This should be a dogfight. Both teams are playing really well. San Antonio methodically made the game their own for game 7. LA destroyed the Jazz. In fact I need to take a little longer to figure this one out. More on the match up before the game on Wednesday.
The Captain signing off for now...
Manu Ginobli
Not a bad statement. We have the Conference finals ahead of us with the combatants now decided. So here you go, the Captain's preview for the final four at the grown ups table.
Detroit vs. Boston
Well, I think it will be interesting to see if Doc Rivers can confuse his players even further with irregular rotations, and just going with what works from game to game, rather than coming up with a strategy to win games that is specific to the circumstances they face. That was a Moby Dick style run on sentence there. Melville would be proud. It should be interesting to see if KG shows any extra motivation to show up his old skip on the other sideline, but my guess is that KG has less against Flip than he has against the guy with the largest collection of Cosby sweaters in the world. I would give you a player against player break down for this one, but we never know who Doc will play off the bench from game to game so I can't do that. I can give you a starting five comparison and go from there.
Chauncey vs. Rajon: Billups has the Mr. Clutch label. Billups is getting old though. I am wondering if Rajon Rondo doesn't just put his mind to running by Billups every time he gets the opportunity. Billups is a big though, it will be interesting to see what happens when they body up against one another. Billups could post up Rondo regularly and if the help isn't there he should be able to score at will. This is a youth vs. experience battle. Billups gets the edge, only because I don't think the Celtics have any plays drawn up for Rajon other than just letting him run into the middle. Chauncey will muscle Rajon around the court when he feels like it.
Rip Hamilton vs. Ray Allen: Which Ray Allen is showing up? The fans in Boston have been searching for this man like he's Bobby Fisher. He couldn't make a shot against a Cavs team that gave him opportunities. Rip is the best player of his generation offensively without the ball in his hands. Ray Allen is not up to chasing this guy all over the floor.
Tayshaun vs. The Truth: This could determine the series right here. This is the key match up because Pierce is the only person who has scored at will for the Celts, and he will be defended by Kentucky's version of Stretch Armstrong. Prince is one of the best defenders in the league. I would flip a coin to decide whether I would want Tayshaun or Shane Battier defending a swing man for all the marbles.
KG vs. Sheed: The next most interesting match up in the series. Sheed can score on KG. He is one of the few power forwards in the league that can match up with KG. Will he want to? I don't know. Can you predict the winning lottery numbers? Sheed can dominate, but KG is fierce. I expect a record to be set for stink eye exchanges with these two guys in a series. Sheed is the one guy in the league that I can picture hitting KG for mouthing off or posturing too aggressively. Sheed is the Martin Riggs of the NBA.
McDyess vs. Perkins: Antonio McDyess has the experience. Perkins has the youth. It's a wash
Benches: Boston's bench doesn't know who is going to play. Detroit wins.
A kicker here, Boston has to win a road game at the Palace if they are going to win because Detroit will take a game in Boston.
San Antonio vs. LA
This is the real series...
I have been hoping for this series because it will showcase a rivalry that could peak during this series. That's saying something because this ranges from .4 seconds to Kobe crying on camera. This should be a dogfight. Both teams are playing really well. San Antonio methodically made the game their own for game 7. LA destroyed the Jazz. In fact I need to take a little longer to figure this one out. More on the match up before the game on Wednesday.
The Captain signing off for now...
Hi, I'm an NBA Writer.
I think NBA writers are sometimes paid by the overstatement. Like Chris Sheridan on ESPN.com calling yesterday's game seven between Boston and the Lebrons "epic." Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe too many years of covering the Eastern Conference has turned Sheridan's brain into jelly. What exactly makes a game "epic" to begin with?
Is it the fact that it's a game seven? Nah. Nobody gave a shit about game seven of the 2005 NBA finals besides Detroit and San Antonio fans.
Is it when we see an epic duel between two superstars? Lebron and Pierce both went for more than forty points! Ok, this is where I slam on the breaks of the crazy train we're on (finally hurling Randy Rhodes' overrated corpse on the track). You want to know why Lebron finally scored forty-five this game? Because he put up a shot anytime the ball came within a cat's fart of him. He was worse than thirty percent from 3, and he attempted ELEVEN 3's! I know 'Bron is amazing, but seriously, get a fucking conscience.
Kevin Garnett said everyone just got the hell out of Pierce's way in the game. Oh good, now Doc Rivers has the Celtics playing 1 on 4, just like the fucking Cavs. You know what would've been epic? Lebron going for 45 while shooting an overall of 45% or better. The Celtics could've been epic if they'd learned how to move THE DAMN BASKETBALL. There was a period during this game where my father was yelling at the tv about the lack of passing by the Celtics (who failed to score on consecutive isolation plays), and Boston calls time-out, comes back and moves the ball beautifully and scores, then they promptly move back to isolation plays again.
Boston, you were lucky to get out of that series alive. Have fun with Detroit. If the Pistons show up, you're totally fucked.
You know, now that I think about it, this was an epic game. Epically bad coaching. Nice job to Doc Rivers and MIke Brown.
The Lakers, Hornets or Spurs are going to annihilate you guys.
Ok, I'm going to work.
-Dusty
Is it the fact that it's a game seven? Nah. Nobody gave a shit about game seven of the 2005 NBA finals besides Detroit and San Antonio fans.
Is it when we see an epic duel between two superstars? Lebron and Pierce both went for more than forty points! Ok, this is where I slam on the breaks of the crazy train we're on (finally hurling Randy Rhodes' overrated corpse on the track). You want to know why Lebron finally scored forty-five this game? Because he put up a shot anytime the ball came within a cat's fart of him. He was worse than thirty percent from 3, and he attempted ELEVEN 3's! I know 'Bron is amazing, but seriously, get a fucking conscience.
Kevin Garnett said everyone just got the hell out of Pierce's way in the game. Oh good, now Doc Rivers has the Celtics playing 1 on 4, just like the fucking Cavs. You know what would've been epic? Lebron going for 45 while shooting an overall of 45% or better. The Celtics could've been epic if they'd learned how to move THE DAMN BASKETBALL. There was a period during this game where my father was yelling at the tv about the lack of passing by the Celtics (who failed to score on consecutive isolation plays), and Boston calls time-out, comes back and moves the ball beautifully and scores, then they promptly move back to isolation plays again.
Boston, you were lucky to get out of that series alive. Have fun with Detroit. If the Pistons show up, you're totally fucked.
You know, now that I think about it, this was an epic game. Epically bad coaching. Nice job to Doc Rivers and MIke Brown.
The Lakers, Hornets or Spurs are going to annihilate you guys.
Ok, I'm going to work.
-Dusty
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I'm Back Baby!
Ok, I'm calmer now. It only took a week and a half, but I can watch games again. I can tell myself that I knew we were supposed to lose that series without Yao in the middle. I know that Tracy played really well, even though he had multiple surgeries shortly after the series ended. I know that Utah is getting their ass kicked right now, which confuses me. I am not sure which team I dislike more. LA or Utah? So, alright folks I am going to tackle that and other questions as I ramble on for thousands of words and make up for lost time in this post.
LA or Utah? My hatred for the Lakers is well chronicled. They are good again, and that gives me even more of a reason to hate them. The Kobe turn around in demeanor wreaks of the crazy grilfriend scenario. When it's good, damn it's good. When it's bad, damn it's bad. If the Lakers fall off, which doesn't look likely, I expect Kobe to not be such a nice guy any more. The problem are is they don't look like they will be bad again anytime soon. So, Utah... as a Rockets fan you have to hate Utah. If you don't then you haven't been watching long enough. Here's the thing, Stockton and Malone were the face of that franchise for a long time,and they were two of the dirtiest superstars ever. Not too mention having to worry about a wardrobe malfunction with Stockton's shorts. On top of that Jeff Hornacek's hair made Jimmy Johnson's hair product usage look mild. It's was like he played with a helmet on during the games. So why should hate this incarnation of the Jazz? Not only have they knocked my team out two years in a row... They have the same coach and you can see everyone of the players on that team falling into the role of a former Jazz player on the previous Jerry Sloan teams. If a player doesn't fit in Sloan's system he makes them cry and question their ability, see AK. One of the biggest wastes of talent in the league from a guy that people consistently call a COY candiddate. Speaking of that award
Byron Scott was on my short list. He deserved this award as much as anyone this year. The Hornets have mollywhopped the Spurs twice. As pointed out on ESPN.com the Spurs have looked old this series. If Dusty was close enough he would already be throwing things at me, but honestly he and every other Spurs fan have to hope that they find something cooking at home. The likelihood of that is getting less everyday. Never underestimate the problems with depending on a Frenchmen to sack up and stop one of the toughest players in the league. Parker needs to step up and run Chris Paul at the other end of the floor. Attack Paul until to the poin that he gets tired, and trap him often in the backcourt. Get the ball out of his hands as much as you can if you are the Spurs. Chris Paul is Santa Anna, and he is about to burn the Alamo down. If you aren't from Texas (then your readership is surprising) let me remind you that the folks in San Antonio got slaughtered in that particular battle. Right now the Spurs are crapping in the Riverwalk. Good luck tonight Dusty.
Detroit and Orlando... Any series where a clock malfunction gets most of the attention is a bad sign, but if Chauncey Billups is out I think this becomes a very difficult series to win for Detroit. Which allay the nightmares that I have had about Detroit actually making it to the finals. Can you get excited about a Pistons and anybody finals? That's what I thought. At least the Magic would be a new group of faces getting their asses kicked in pursuit of a championship.
Speaking of old faces that don't need to make the finals. Last year's visitors to the big stage from Cleveland really need to be swept out of the playoffs because they don't deserve another game after what had to be one of the worst four minutes of any game this season in the Boston and Cleveland game 2. In my opinion they should not have even gotten to the second round. Papa Johns was right to print up the crybaby t-shirts. Cleveland needs a coach who pretends to draw up go to plays instead of admitting that his only plan is to give Lebron the ball and let him free lance. Even Jay-Z has a beat written down before he goes into the recording booth. There's a comparison Lebron can appreciate.
As for the team on the other side of that series. They went seven with Atlanta. I don't need to say anything more, other than Doc Rivers might have less of a plan than Mike Brown.
That's the playoffs, and now for what is already an interesting off season:
Watching the Mavs lose was nice. Almost as good as if they had slipped out of the playoffs entirely. New Orleans dumped the goods on the Mavs and showed that they might really be the best team in the Southwest Division. That might actually be decided by an intriguing playoff match-up. The Ponies failure solidifies the Kidd trade, the silver lining if your a Ponies fan is that Kidd's contract will be a huge trade chip next season. The Ponies could turn that into a nucleus of young draft picks and prospects that Cubicles could get nervous about and trade away for another has been. That's right I am rubbing it in, but really would you expect less. Avery is gone, maybe you can hire Bob Knight and see if he chokes Dirk. Oh, wait you are going to hire Rick Carlisle. Another coach who will continue to try to make this team slow down the defense and pound the ball. He has also done a good job of keeping the Pacers on track professionally over the last few years, wait a minute... Are you envisioning Dirk slipping into the abyss of non-superstardom Jermaine O'Neal style under Carlisle's thumb? I sure can.
The Suns are letting Mike D'Antoni talk to other teams. Phoenix has no chance of hiring a coach that is going to make them any better than D'Antoni has. Simmons wrote a good column on the Suns recently, but let's play this out for a second. What in the hell are they going to do? Who wants that job? I have to coach a team with roster that fits together like the cast of whatever Real World cast fought alot more than the others (I am not Chuck Klosterman, and I am catually proud that I cannot identify any season of the Real World or Road Rules).I really don't think there is a coach that Steve Kerr is going to find that will be able to get this team playing well together for an entire season next season. And the other question is which Shaq will show up? The Big Rejuvenated or the Big Slow Malcontent? The Shaq trade is rough for PHX fans, and the only possible way to make next season work is to figure out a way to sit Shaq for at least 25 games next year, kind of like the Rockets need to do with Yao.
The Captain signing off for now...
LA or Utah? My hatred for the Lakers is well chronicled. They are good again, and that gives me even more of a reason to hate them. The Kobe turn around in demeanor wreaks of the crazy grilfriend scenario. When it's good, damn it's good. When it's bad, damn it's bad. If the Lakers fall off, which doesn't look likely, I expect Kobe to not be such a nice guy any more. The problem are is they don't look like they will be bad again anytime soon. So, Utah... as a Rockets fan you have to hate Utah. If you don't then you haven't been watching long enough. Here's the thing, Stockton and Malone were the face of that franchise for a long time,and they were two of the dirtiest superstars ever. Not too mention having to worry about a wardrobe malfunction with Stockton's shorts. On top of that Jeff Hornacek's hair made Jimmy Johnson's hair product usage look mild. It's was like he played with a helmet on during the games. So why should hate this incarnation of the Jazz? Not only have they knocked my team out two years in a row... They have the same coach and you can see everyone of the players on that team falling into the role of a former Jazz player on the previous Jerry Sloan teams. If a player doesn't fit in Sloan's system he makes them cry and question their ability, see AK. One of the biggest wastes of talent in the league from a guy that people consistently call a COY candiddate. Speaking of that award
Byron Scott was on my short list. He deserved this award as much as anyone this year. The Hornets have mollywhopped the Spurs twice. As pointed out on ESPN.com the Spurs have looked old this series. If Dusty was close enough he would already be throwing things at me, but honestly he and every other Spurs fan have to hope that they find something cooking at home. The likelihood of that is getting less everyday. Never underestimate the problems with depending on a Frenchmen to sack up and stop one of the toughest players in the league. Parker needs to step up and run Chris Paul at the other end of the floor. Attack Paul until to the poin that he gets tired, and trap him often in the backcourt. Get the ball out of his hands as much as you can if you are the Spurs. Chris Paul is Santa Anna, and he is about to burn the Alamo down. If you aren't from Texas (then your readership is surprising) let me remind you that the folks in San Antonio got slaughtered in that particular battle. Right now the Spurs are crapping in the Riverwalk. Good luck tonight Dusty.
Detroit and Orlando... Any series where a clock malfunction gets most of the attention is a bad sign, but if Chauncey Billups is out I think this becomes a very difficult series to win for Detroit. Which allay the nightmares that I have had about Detroit actually making it to the finals. Can you get excited about a Pistons and anybody finals? That's what I thought. At least the Magic would be a new group of faces getting their asses kicked in pursuit of a championship.
Speaking of old faces that don't need to make the finals. Last year's visitors to the big stage from Cleveland really need to be swept out of the playoffs because they don't deserve another game after what had to be one of the worst four minutes of any game this season in the Boston and Cleveland game 2. In my opinion they should not have even gotten to the second round. Papa Johns was right to print up the crybaby t-shirts. Cleveland needs a coach who pretends to draw up go to plays instead of admitting that his only plan is to give Lebron the ball and let him free lance. Even Jay-Z has a beat written down before he goes into the recording booth. There's a comparison Lebron can appreciate.
As for the team on the other side of that series. They went seven with Atlanta. I don't need to say anything more, other than Doc Rivers might have less of a plan than Mike Brown.
That's the playoffs, and now for what is already an interesting off season:
Watching the Mavs lose was nice. Almost as good as if they had slipped out of the playoffs entirely. New Orleans dumped the goods on the Mavs and showed that they might really be the best team in the Southwest Division. That might actually be decided by an intriguing playoff match-up. The Ponies failure solidifies the Kidd trade, the silver lining if your a Ponies fan is that Kidd's contract will be a huge trade chip next season. The Ponies could turn that into a nucleus of young draft picks and prospects that Cubicles could get nervous about and trade away for another has been. That's right I am rubbing it in, but really would you expect less. Avery is gone, maybe you can hire Bob Knight and see if he chokes Dirk. Oh, wait you are going to hire Rick Carlisle. Another coach who will continue to try to make this team slow down the defense and pound the ball. He has also done a good job of keeping the Pacers on track professionally over the last few years, wait a minute... Are you envisioning Dirk slipping into the abyss of non-superstardom Jermaine O'Neal style under Carlisle's thumb? I sure can.
The Suns are letting Mike D'Antoni talk to other teams. Phoenix has no chance of hiring a coach that is going to make them any better than D'Antoni has. Simmons wrote a good column on the Suns recently, but let's play this out for a second. What in the hell are they going to do? Who wants that job? I have to coach a team with roster that fits together like the cast of whatever Real World cast fought alot more than the others (I am not Chuck Klosterman, and I am catually proud that I cannot identify any season of the Real World or Road Rules).I really don't think there is a coach that Steve Kerr is going to find that will be able to get this team playing well together for an entire season next season. And the other question is which Shaq will show up? The Big Rejuvenated or the Big Slow Malcontent? The Shaq trade is rough for PHX fans, and the only possible way to make next season work is to figure out a way to sit Shaq for at least 25 games next year, kind of like the Rockets need to do with Yao.
The Captain signing off for now...
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Damnit!
Sorry for the gap in post. I am evil mad. I am punching someone who doesn't deserve it in the face mad. PUNCH. KILL. KILL. KILL.
Again, I apologize but the just ended Rockets game floors me, Stu Jackson and Bob Delaney just bent us over a Sacramento and Portland style table. I digress. Fuck!
Anyway, lets talk about the start to the playoffs, piece by piece...
The Suns can honestly say that meeting the Spurs in the first round makes their trade a wash at best. Even if they are better next year this was supposed to be an instant fix trade, and it certainly is not. Shaq and the Sols are about to be the lamest team in this season's playoffs. Dusty will kill me once I jinx this, but I think the Spurs have effectively phallic slapped the Spurs.
Philly! The column I wrote about the coach of the year makes you think now doesnt it! Mo Cheeks is winning a series at 2 to 7 disadvantage. Mo has a team that has no chance winning a big time series right now. Motown is supposed to be in the conference finals again, but they may not make it. Interesting to see how shitty the East really is. This team has played well for half a season and it is not a stretch to call them a danger in the East.
The Hawks won one tonight. The arena was even JV with the shot clock issues, but at least they won one in their first playoff series in years. If Josh Smith doesn't go J.R. Rider he could be Dominique Wilkins. This kid can hang numbers in any category against anyone. If he was tuned into the game he would be Kobe and Lebron good. I think he is the new Rasheed. More intersting... Al Horford will kill the dick out of anyone. He talked shit, but Pierce deserved a tech even more if you watch. The vet should not let the rook mindf*ck him. He did.
The Orlando series. Dwight Howard is a beast. A terrifying man who can destroy the inside. Somehow, I think what Bosh has done is even more impressive though. Superman is awesome; Shaq redeux awesome. Bosh has a chance to really set it off though. Chris is a great player on a team that would confuse a mosaic artist. The Raptors overall composure sucks. Chris is making them look good though. Have you ever seen a team with two decent point guards that looked this bad though?
The Wiz. Someone needs to hate Lebron. I do. Everyone in Washington does now. The Wiz could kick the shit out of the Cavs if Lebron wasn't as good as he thinks he is. Lebron has become abrasive, but he actually is that good. Damn. I want to see a gimpy Gil light'em up. I also want to see Tough Juice mollywop some folks.
The NO Hornets are gang busters. You know I hate. You know who I hate. They don't get a direct mention, but they won't matter anyway. Go Hornets, GO. Chris Paul is scary good. Dallas losing warms my heart.
Kobe beating the Nugs is unsurprising. The Nugs could be good, but they are getting killed right now. They should be looking for a draft pick, but we know that they will suck ass into the fiture given their cap situation.
I could talk more, but I am still too misnathropic. more to come soon hopefully
The Captain
Again, I apologize but the just ended Rockets game floors me, Stu Jackson and Bob Delaney just bent us over a Sacramento and Portland style table. I digress. Fuck!
Anyway, lets talk about the start to the playoffs, piece by piece...
The Suns can honestly say that meeting the Spurs in the first round makes their trade a wash at best. Even if they are better next year this was supposed to be an instant fix trade, and it certainly is not. Shaq and the Sols are about to be the lamest team in this season's playoffs. Dusty will kill me once I jinx this, but I think the Spurs have effectively phallic slapped the Spurs.
Philly! The column I wrote about the coach of the year makes you think now doesnt it! Mo Cheeks is winning a series at 2 to 7 disadvantage. Mo has a team that has no chance winning a big time series right now. Motown is supposed to be in the conference finals again, but they may not make it. Interesting to see how shitty the East really is. This team has played well for half a season and it is not a stretch to call them a danger in the East.
The Hawks won one tonight. The arena was even JV with the shot clock issues, but at least they won one in their first playoff series in years. If Josh Smith doesn't go J.R. Rider he could be Dominique Wilkins. This kid can hang numbers in any category against anyone. If he was tuned into the game he would be Kobe and Lebron good. I think he is the new Rasheed. More intersting... Al Horford will kill the dick out of anyone. He talked shit, but Pierce deserved a tech even more if you watch. The vet should not let the rook mindf*ck him. He did.
The Orlando series. Dwight Howard is a beast. A terrifying man who can destroy the inside. Somehow, I think what Bosh has done is even more impressive though. Superman is awesome; Shaq redeux awesome. Bosh has a chance to really set it off though. Chris is a great player on a team that would confuse a mosaic artist. The Raptors overall composure sucks. Chris is making them look good though. Have you ever seen a team with two decent point guards that looked this bad though?
The Wiz. Someone needs to hate Lebron. I do. Everyone in Washington does now. The Wiz could kick the shit out of the Cavs if Lebron wasn't as good as he thinks he is. Lebron has become abrasive, but he actually is that good. Damn. I want to see a gimpy Gil light'em up. I also want to see Tough Juice mollywop some folks.
The NO Hornets are gang busters. You know I hate. You know who I hate. They don't get a direct mention, but they won't matter anyway. Go Hornets, GO. Chris Paul is scary good. Dallas losing warms my heart.
Kobe beating the Nugs is unsurprising. The Nugs could be good, but they are getting killed right now. They should be looking for a draft pick, but we know that they will suck ass into the fiture given their cap situation.
I could talk more, but I am still too misnathropic. more to come soon hopefully
The Captain
Friday, April 4, 2008
10 things I hate about D-loss
The following conversation is real. I didn't change the names because none of these people are innocent.
Me: I really hate alot of the players on the floor right now in this Mavs and Lakers game.
Dusty: Who doesn't?
Me: Fucking communist, that's fucking who.
Pause
Me: The fact that a team just trotted out Devean George, Ty Lue, and Eddie Jones somehow makes me hate Dirk Nowitzki even more.
Dusty: You judge a man by the company he keeps.
So true, so true. So with this I bring you the opposite of the homer column, the hater column. I know I have written more about hating than loving teams recently, but I am really not a bitter person. I really don't like the Los Angeles Lakers, but I was genuinely pissed off that they were not handling the Ponies tonight. This is how much I don't like the Ponies, I loathe them so much that I will not refer to them by anything other than disparaging names that I have made up for them for the rest of this column. Wait a minute I do that to lots of people and teams. Let's just say that I never root for teams based out of New York or LA and I was rooting for LA tonight unabashedly. Hating the Mavs trumps the rule from the first set of columns about hating major market teams. Refer to the other rule about picking a team to hate. I hate the D-loss Ponies. Let me count the ways...
1) Dirk: He might be a nice guy. I just hate watching him play. He has always seemed soft. When Cris Webber calls a team you led soft and no one questions one of the least mentally tough, albeit freakishly talented, players of his generation you know you are soft. Oh, but he played on a sprained ankle tonight. If I hear another hyperbaric chamber anecdote I am going to drop the TV out of the hotel room I am staying in straight through to the lobby, smashing the steam tray that they keep the fake eggs warm in for the supposedly hot breakfast. Dirk had a good game tonight, but damn it isn't like he was playing on one leg. If he played on one leg I would claim that it was digitally enhanced footage. If I was there in person I would want to actually go and pull on the invisible leg to make sure that it wasn't really there and then have David Copperfield and Chris Angel explain to me how Dirk was faking this. That was a long way of saying I don't think itwas that impressive that Dirk played on a tender ankle 70 games into the season.
2) They employ Devean George, Ty Lue, and Eddie Jones. All members of the Lakers at one time which means they are tainted. Especially since George has three rings. I mean who deserves three rings less, and actually got to have them. Maybe some members of the Bulls from the MJ era, enter our favorite Australian player not named Andrew "my teammates hate me" Bogut. Ty Lue almost had washed the taint off of himself by being a Rocket and then toiling in obscurity. Then he ended up playing for the Mavsucks. I will let Dusty take care of the Eddie Jones bashing.
3) Eric Dampier. At one time he thought he was the second best center in the League. Wonder where he would rank himself now? Mark Cuban thought it was a bad investment to re-sign some guy from Canada named Steve Nash. Good job Cubes, I will get to you in a second. There is nothing like watching someone who looks like they should be a beast and knowing that they are a complete liability on the floor. Now for my next impression, Jessie Owens... or
4) The Jason Kidd trade. I have already covered how stupid this was, but just to emphasize the guy that was picking up the slack for the afforementioned waste of space is now in New Jersey.
5)Everyone gushing over Josh Howard. See Bill Simmons comment about how Howard is well on this way to becoming the next Ben Wallace on the under-rated to over-rated jump to conclusions mat.
6) How many Ponies fans could tell you much about Rolando Blackman? Who were the three J's? I don't even think they have good fans in most cases.
7) The fact that they collapse like a folding chair everytime pressure is applied. See Golden State, Miami, and tonight. Awesome.
8) Cubicle, Mark Cuban. Once an entertainment, he is now a charicature of himself. A walking, check that dancing, cliche of himself. Everytime this team could actually be good or get better by doing something logical Mark freaks out and makes a panicked move that stunts the Mavs growth like a four year old who drinks a pot of coffee every morning. Cuban could be cool, but he feels the need to make a spectacle of himself too often. The Dairy Queen move a few years ago was actually entertaining, but seeing a billionaire serve fastfood would be no matter who it was. Cuban supposed passion for his team is often self defeating because he pisses off the David Stern, and he really pisses off David Stern's mustache. All the mustache wants to do is engineer crazy trades in the comfort of its own jar, but know Cuban has to blog about officiating and openly bitch about problems that actually exist in the NBA. The mustache just wants some tact. It understands the bitching, but it prefers having a sit down instead of Cuban going off like Fredo's wife everytime there is a family gathering.
9) Avery. Fun player and a funny voice. Maybe not the best coach. Maybe a coach who should think about doubling Kobe Bryant. Maybe a coach who should come up with a game plan that is consistent so his team can have an identity.
10) Because I enjoy hating on the Ponies. I don't need to give another real reason. I like it and this is my space to rant. I have other reasons. Dusty has other reasons. If you really like the NBA you have mroe reasons. These are just a start.
The Captain signing off for now....
Me: I really hate alot of the players on the floor right now in this Mavs and Lakers game.
Dusty: Who doesn't?
Me: Fucking communist, that's fucking who.
Pause
Me: The fact that a team just trotted out Devean George, Ty Lue, and Eddie Jones somehow makes me hate Dirk Nowitzki even more.
Dusty: You judge a man by the company he keeps.
So true, so true. So with this I bring you the opposite of the homer column, the hater column. I know I have written more about hating than loving teams recently, but I am really not a bitter person. I really don't like the Los Angeles Lakers, but I was genuinely pissed off that they were not handling the Ponies tonight. This is how much I don't like the Ponies, I loathe them so much that I will not refer to them by anything other than disparaging names that I have made up for them for the rest of this column. Wait a minute I do that to lots of people and teams. Let's just say that I never root for teams based out of New York or LA and I was rooting for LA tonight unabashedly. Hating the Mavs trumps the rule from the first set of columns about hating major market teams. Refer to the other rule about picking a team to hate. I hate the D-loss Ponies. Let me count the ways...
1) Dirk: He might be a nice guy. I just hate watching him play. He has always seemed soft. When Cris Webber calls a team you led soft and no one questions one of the least mentally tough, albeit freakishly talented, players of his generation you know you are soft. Oh, but he played on a sprained ankle tonight. If I hear another hyperbaric chamber anecdote I am going to drop the TV out of the hotel room I am staying in straight through to the lobby, smashing the steam tray that they keep the fake eggs warm in for the supposedly hot breakfast. Dirk had a good game tonight, but damn it isn't like he was playing on one leg. If he played on one leg I would claim that it was digitally enhanced footage. If I was there in person I would want to actually go and pull on the invisible leg to make sure that it wasn't really there and then have David Copperfield and Chris Angel explain to me how Dirk was faking this. That was a long way of saying I don't think itwas that impressive that Dirk played on a tender ankle 70 games into the season.
2) They employ Devean George, Ty Lue, and Eddie Jones. All members of the Lakers at one time which means they are tainted. Especially since George has three rings. I mean who deserves three rings less, and actually got to have them. Maybe some members of the Bulls from the MJ era, enter our favorite Australian player not named Andrew "my teammates hate me" Bogut. Ty Lue almost had washed the taint off of himself by being a Rocket and then toiling in obscurity. Then he ended up playing for the Mavsucks. I will let Dusty take care of the Eddie Jones bashing.
3) Eric Dampier. At one time he thought he was the second best center in the League. Wonder where he would rank himself now? Mark Cuban thought it was a bad investment to re-sign some guy from Canada named Steve Nash. Good job Cubes, I will get to you in a second. There is nothing like watching someone who looks like they should be a beast and knowing that they are a complete liability on the floor. Now for my next impression, Jessie Owens... or
4) The Jason Kidd trade. I have already covered how stupid this was, but just to emphasize the guy that was picking up the slack for the afforementioned waste of space is now in New Jersey.
5)Everyone gushing over Josh Howard. See Bill Simmons comment about how Howard is well on this way to becoming the next Ben Wallace on the under-rated to over-rated jump to conclusions mat.
6) How many Ponies fans could tell you much about Rolando Blackman? Who were the three J's? I don't even think they have good fans in most cases.
7) The fact that they collapse like a folding chair everytime pressure is applied. See Golden State, Miami, and tonight. Awesome.
8) Cubicle, Mark Cuban. Once an entertainment, he is now a charicature of himself. A walking, check that dancing, cliche of himself. Everytime this team could actually be good or get better by doing something logical Mark freaks out and makes a panicked move that stunts the Mavs growth like a four year old who drinks a pot of coffee every morning. Cuban could be cool, but he feels the need to make a spectacle of himself too often. The Dairy Queen move a few years ago was actually entertaining, but seeing a billionaire serve fastfood would be no matter who it was. Cuban supposed passion for his team is often self defeating because he pisses off the David Stern, and he really pisses off David Stern's mustache. All the mustache wants to do is engineer crazy trades in the comfort of its own jar, but know Cuban has to blog about officiating and openly bitch about problems that actually exist in the NBA. The mustache just wants some tact. It understands the bitching, but it prefers having a sit down instead of Cuban going off like Fredo's wife everytime there is a family gathering.
9) Avery. Fun player and a funny voice. Maybe not the best coach. Maybe a coach who should think about doubling Kobe Bryant. Maybe a coach who should come up with a game plan that is consistent so his team can have an identity.
10) Because I enjoy hating on the Ponies. I don't need to give another real reason. I like it and this is my space to rant. I have other reasons. Dusty has other reasons. If you really like the NBA you have mroe reasons. These are just a start.
The Captain signing off for now....
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I owe you another post soon
I'm back. I have been on hiatus for a few reasons. One was not wanting to write about the streak until it was over. I don't really even want to write about the Rockets now.They make me nervous. I watch the West and think Little Nicky thoughts: You're alright, you're alright, and you make the Lord very nervous. I will let Dusty write abou them so I can hit him in the back of the head with something rubber for jinxing my team if they don't live up to the very modest expectations I have for them without Yao in the playoffs (if they hold on). I won't begin to cover everything on my mind in this post, so bare with the incomplete commentary, at least you are getting something (if i had a nickle for every time I've heard that last phrase off set by a comma).
So if I am not going to write a homer column like Dusty then what the fuck am I supposed to write about? Well ladies (if there are any ladies that read this) and gents (the three of you)if you hadn't noticed the league has a few interesting plot lines that have emerged as we have gone along. I am going to give some cursory treatments of some things that you all need to be aware of going into the last part of the season...
The Coach of the Year debate can only between the following three men: Reggie Theus, Mo Cheeks, and Nate McMillan. For those of you who want to pick teams with winning percentages over .600 you don't get it. You really don't understand coaching. This is not college ball folks. College coaches can win games for their teams much more often than pro coaches. "Great" pro coaches have players like Kobe, T-Mac and Yao, Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer, Chris Paul and Tyson Chandler, or KG and the Truth with Ray-Ray when his body permits. I think the coach of the year is a person that defies the odds with a team that people would look at on paper and say they shouldn't win. Teams look to these teams on the schedule and say there is a win because these guys will not be able to find their asses with both hands. The three that I just listed have kept their teams in games and have them playing competively in every game. The BallSacs, The Seventy Suckers, and the team of the future are not tanking their seasons though we all thought it would be more productive if they did from game one. The 76'ers will make the playoffs because they are in one of the worst conferences of any season in basketball league ever, even if they have a couple of good teams now.
- Reggie Theus- He get's points for the suits with silk scarfs sticking out of his suit. Very nice. The BallSacs are depending on Ron Artest to anchor their team and they have been succesful. Ask the good people in Auburn Hills the last time that happened. Sacto has been playing .500 ball and would be in the playoffs in the East. They never lay down. On a team that everyone thought would be on par with Memphis and Minnesota record wise at the beginning of the season I would have to say that I am impressed. I accused Theus of getting the other team high on paint fumes earlier in the season, but after seeing the BallSacs giving everyone a hard time no matter when or where they play them I am thinking that the Maloofs might be importing Vegas to whatever team's locker room they are playing. Every team looks like they are hungover when they play Sacto. They look like they stayed out drinking for free and going to houses of ill repute. It is the only excuse for a team with Kevin Martin (poor man's Monta), Ron Artest (headcase), and a collection of players that really shouldn't be winning games) together being competitive every night.
- Mo Cheeks- He is winning in Philly. Philly didn't trade for anyone or resign anyone this last offseason. I wonder where Igoudala goes if he leaves Philly. Thaddeus Young looks good. I am genuinely intrigued by this team because as bad as this team looks they have a better record than Atlanta, New Jersey, and are a game off Toronto. All three of the teams I just mentioned have at least one Max contract player on their teams. NJ had three. Atlanta has Joe Johnson and some legit young players. Toronto has Chris Bosh and a great point guard tandem. Philly's best player has the same nick name as their last best player, a young big man, and a point guard that's biggest value was supposed to be his expiring contract. Mo Cheeks has had this team playing hard all season adn winning games against teams that are more talented in every facet. The Sixers really should be a lottery team even in the East, but they are competing every night.
- Nate McMillan- Greg Oden is in trouble for playing a pick up game this late in the season and Portland is probably going to finish with a winning record. They will still be in the lottery. This team is playing well without one of the most anticipated big men to be drafted in years. Nate had these kids in first place in the West well into the season. The West is one of the best conferences in the history of NBA. 9 teams are going to win fifty games. I hope Dallas is the team to slip out if you had nto already guessed that. This team will be terrifying in a couple of years if the management doesn't do the same thing that Chicago did with a promising group of youngsters.
That's the coaching. The LA situation. Everyone is playing LA up because David Stern and anyone who stands to reap the revenue whirlwind from it has been having recurring wet dreams about an L.A. versus Boston final. Well folks, Boston is legit to come out of the East, and their homecourt is baller. If they get their they can fight. LA is in a bit of a pinch though. What do they do with two guys that were supposed to put them over the top haning played intermittently with their team. Bynum was supposed to be back, and I don't remember the last time I saw him on camera playing basketball. Pau has been out frequently since he got their midseason. My question is the same as Dusty's can they get all of these pieces working on the fly. Can the Zenmaster really bring Zen to this bunch?
The Shaq trade has opened things up for Amare. I said two types of basketball don't win championships. Check that. Phx can put Shaq in and let him be Shaq from awhile ago and freak teams out and then start running again. This trade seeemed stupid, but really Steve Kerr made a balls out move that has made the most talented members of his team better. Nash can make passes to anyone. He is going to be great anywhere. Amare has his idol there and has been kicking ass because he can run the middle because the shot blocker or enforcer of the team has to stay on Shaq. He has really been scary.
Golden State or Denver could be good for seven in the opening round depending on who either team draws in as the number one or two seed in an opponent...
Lebron is better, but his team is not much better than last year's...
The number of elipses and paranthetical notations in this post was obnoxious.
More to come soon. The Captain signing off for now...
So if I am not going to write a homer column like Dusty then what the fuck am I supposed to write about? Well ladies (if there are any ladies that read this) and gents (the three of you)if you hadn't noticed the league has a few interesting plot lines that have emerged as we have gone along. I am going to give some cursory treatments of some things that you all need to be aware of going into the last part of the season...
The Coach of the Year debate can only between the following three men: Reggie Theus, Mo Cheeks, and Nate McMillan. For those of you who want to pick teams with winning percentages over .600 you don't get it. You really don't understand coaching. This is not college ball folks. College coaches can win games for their teams much more often than pro coaches. "Great" pro coaches have players like Kobe, T-Mac and Yao, Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer, Chris Paul and Tyson Chandler, or KG and the Truth with Ray-Ray when his body permits. I think the coach of the year is a person that defies the odds with a team that people would look at on paper and say they shouldn't win. Teams look to these teams on the schedule and say there is a win because these guys will not be able to find their asses with both hands. The three that I just listed have kept their teams in games and have them playing competively in every game. The BallSacs, The Seventy Suckers, and the team of the future are not tanking their seasons though we all thought it would be more productive if they did from game one. The 76'ers will make the playoffs because they are in one of the worst conferences of any season in basketball league ever, even if they have a couple of good teams now.
- Reggie Theus- He get's points for the suits with silk scarfs sticking out of his suit. Very nice. The BallSacs are depending on Ron Artest to anchor their team and they have been succesful. Ask the good people in Auburn Hills the last time that happened. Sacto has been playing .500 ball and would be in the playoffs in the East. They never lay down. On a team that everyone thought would be on par with Memphis and Minnesota record wise at the beginning of the season I would have to say that I am impressed. I accused Theus of getting the other team high on paint fumes earlier in the season, but after seeing the BallSacs giving everyone a hard time no matter when or where they play them I am thinking that the Maloofs might be importing Vegas to whatever team's locker room they are playing. Every team looks like they are hungover when they play Sacto. They look like they stayed out drinking for free and going to houses of ill repute. It is the only excuse for a team with Kevin Martin (poor man's Monta), Ron Artest (headcase), and a collection of players that really shouldn't be winning games) together being competitive every night.
- Mo Cheeks- He is winning in Philly. Philly didn't trade for anyone or resign anyone this last offseason. I wonder where Igoudala goes if he leaves Philly. Thaddeus Young looks good. I am genuinely intrigued by this team because as bad as this team looks they have a better record than Atlanta, New Jersey, and are a game off Toronto. All three of the teams I just mentioned have at least one Max contract player on their teams. NJ had three. Atlanta has Joe Johnson and some legit young players. Toronto has Chris Bosh and a great point guard tandem. Philly's best player has the same nick name as their last best player, a young big man, and a point guard that's biggest value was supposed to be his expiring contract. Mo Cheeks has had this team playing hard all season adn winning games against teams that are more talented in every facet. The Sixers really should be a lottery team even in the East, but they are competing every night.
- Nate McMillan- Greg Oden is in trouble for playing a pick up game this late in the season and Portland is probably going to finish with a winning record. They will still be in the lottery. This team is playing well without one of the most anticipated big men to be drafted in years. Nate had these kids in first place in the West well into the season. The West is one of the best conferences in the history of NBA. 9 teams are going to win fifty games. I hope Dallas is the team to slip out if you had nto already guessed that. This team will be terrifying in a couple of years if the management doesn't do the same thing that Chicago did with a promising group of youngsters.
That's the coaching. The LA situation. Everyone is playing LA up because David Stern and anyone who stands to reap the revenue whirlwind from it has been having recurring wet dreams about an L.A. versus Boston final. Well folks, Boston is legit to come out of the East, and their homecourt is baller. If they get their they can fight. LA is in a bit of a pinch though. What do they do with two guys that were supposed to put them over the top haning played intermittently with their team. Bynum was supposed to be back, and I don't remember the last time I saw him on camera playing basketball. Pau has been out frequently since he got their midseason. My question is the same as Dusty's can they get all of these pieces working on the fly. Can the Zenmaster really bring Zen to this bunch?
The Shaq trade has opened things up for Amare. I said two types of basketball don't win championships. Check that. Phx can put Shaq in and let him be Shaq from awhile ago and freak teams out and then start running again. This trade seeemed stupid, but really Steve Kerr made a balls out move that has made the most talented members of his team better. Nash can make passes to anyone. He is going to be great anywhere. Amare has his idol there and has been kicking ass because he can run the middle because the shot blocker or enforcer of the team has to stay on Shaq. He has really been scary.
Golden State or Denver could be good for seven in the opening round depending on who either team draws in as the number one or two seed in an opponent...
Lebron is better, but his team is not much better than last year's...
The number of elipses and paranthetical notations in this post was obnoxious.
More to come soon. The Captain signing off for now...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
A Little Home Cookin'
Does hatred derive from jealousy? Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time. So does this mean I hate the Boston Celtics because I'm jealous of them? Well, I'm glad you asked.
A couple of years ago the Captain and I had a discussion about whether or not it was appropriate to hate the Boston Celtics even though they sucked. I'm sure I have made reference to that conversation in this space before, but I'm going to do it again. I suppose I can't speak for others, but I know a teams historic level of success usually comes into play in regards to how much I hate them. I hate the Yankees because they've won so many times. I don't hate the Mets. Why? Because they suck.
Hating the Boston Celtics until this year seemed to be something reserved for old Lakers fans. The Celtics weren't very good. Well, that might be putting it lightly. They sucked. Sure they had some success in the East, but that's like coming in first in a race at the amputee games. Sure you placed well, but you beat a bunch of dudes who don't have two legs. Good job, but you'd still lose a race to Michael Johnson, and he's old now.
Boston does have sixteen titles, but their last one came in 1986. It's coming up on the 20th anniversary for that win (for those of you keeping score at home). Suddenly after a very shady trade for KG (second this season only to the Pau trade, and they both rank in the top five all time shady trades) they have emerged as a title favorite with a starting five that includes Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and the aforementioned Mr. Garnett.
So why are they suddenly so damned popular again while no one seems to give a shit about the San Antonio Spurs? Let's break it down.
Point Guard: Tony Parker vs. Rajon Rondo
Parker is a former all star, NBA Finals MVP, (bad) rapper, French, and he's banging one of the hottest thirty-somethings on the planet.
Rondo. Well...Rondo. He briefly attended the University of Kentucky, and it's his second season in the league.
Advantage: I'd say Rondo (due to Parker being French and all), but Rondo is a nobody, and is probably destined to get annihilated by a good point guard like Chris Paul in the Finals. PUSH
Shooting Guard: Manu Ginobili vs Ray Allen
Ginobili is the leading scorer on the Spurs, Gold-medal winning leader of the Argentine National Team, Three time NBA champ, professional flopper, whirling dervish in the lane, and likely the most cold-blooded assassin year in and out on one of the NBA's best teams
Allen is one of the best shooters in the league. He can on occasion show flashes of his brilliance and slashing in the lane, but his 32 year old and reconstructed ankles limit this greatly. Definitely the kind of guy that makes you nervous when he shoots from downtown in a big game.
Advantage: Ginobili. Allen isn't quite the player he used to be. Manu looks as good or better than ever.
Small Forward: Bruce Bowen vs. Paul Pierce
Bowen is one of the league's best perimeter defenders. He used to be the uncontested best, but he's lost a step. Known for some "questionable" tactics (stepping under shooters, etc.) Deadly with the three-ball from the corner (either side).
Pierce is one of the best players in the league. I've previously outlined how his statistics match up frighteningly with Kobe's. He's one of the greatest players to ever done the Jayhawk uniform...this argument is silly.
Advantage: Pierce. I mean, duh.
Power Forward: Tim Duncan vs. KG
Tim Duncan has four NBA titles. Two league MVPs. Three Finals MVPs. A sweet bank shot. A degree in psychology from Wake Forrest. Oh yeah, he's also widely (and accurately) considered to be the best all around power forward, EVER.
Kevin Garnett has a league MVP. He's the fiercest competitor in the NBA (with all due respect to Allen Iverson). He absolutely never gives up in a game or anywhere, and he's won absolutely nothing.
Advantage: Duncan
Centers: Fabricio Oberto vs. Kendrick Perkins
meh
Advantage: Both guys are just there for rebounds and D. PUSH
Bench: Now remember, I'm debating the likeability of these teams, not necessarily the talent.
Celtics: Likeable E.T. look-alike in Sam Cassell. Genuine stiffs in Scot Pollard and Brian Scalabrine. Genuine thug in James Posey (and I mean THUG, just ask the Bulls). Genuine gastric-bypass candidate in Glen Davis.
Spurs: Old guys. Nobody particularly hate-able (nobody hates Robert Horry for hockey checking Steve Nash except Suns fans) A group of guys you could like if they were your team.
Advantage: Spurs
Jersey:
Celtics very class Green and White.
Spurs very traditional Black and White and Silver.
Advantage: Celtics. It's just a cooler jersey.
Home cities:
Boston: Great tradition of basketball. Gets cold as balls in the winter. Part of pretentious New England (don't forget, they think they're better than you). Destined to see people wearing Red Sox gear to games.
San Antonio: Great support for the team (due largely to the fact that they have nothing else). Tourist city because the weather is always nice (you can wear shorts to a game in February). Bad place to live if you share Glen Davis' lust for fatty foods. Nice people (You're not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway). Destined to see people wearing Dallas Cowboys gear to games.
Advantage: Even I'm willing to admit I'm too biased to pick this one.
Look, in an era where the NBA is relatively scandal free, this should be a time when the country comes back to basketball. One of the long-standing complaints was that the NBA was full of thugs, so why do people avoid the Spurs? They win (casual fans love cheering for a winner). They have young, fast, exciting players (Parker and Ginobili). They have a management team that intentional avoids guys with character issues. They aren't boring either (people who still say this just don't watch them, that's it. In 2003 and even 2005 they would've been right, but not anymore). So why do all the bandwagon fans on social networking sites run to cheer for a team with one bona-fide thug (Posey) and another testy player with a history of mixing it up (Pierce)?
Because people are fucking hypocrites. That's why.
-Dusty
P.S. You were due for at least one post that reeked of "homer"
A couple of years ago the Captain and I had a discussion about whether or not it was appropriate to hate the Boston Celtics even though they sucked. I'm sure I have made reference to that conversation in this space before, but I'm going to do it again. I suppose I can't speak for others, but I know a teams historic level of success usually comes into play in regards to how much I hate them. I hate the Yankees because they've won so many times. I don't hate the Mets. Why? Because they suck.
Hating the Boston Celtics until this year seemed to be something reserved for old Lakers fans. The Celtics weren't very good. Well, that might be putting it lightly. They sucked. Sure they had some success in the East, but that's like coming in first in a race at the amputee games. Sure you placed well, but you beat a bunch of dudes who don't have two legs. Good job, but you'd still lose a race to Michael Johnson, and he's old now.
Boston does have sixteen titles, but their last one came in 1986. It's coming up on the 20th anniversary for that win (for those of you keeping score at home). Suddenly after a very shady trade for KG (second this season only to the Pau trade, and they both rank in the top five all time shady trades) they have emerged as a title favorite with a starting five that includes Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and the aforementioned Mr. Garnett.
So why are they suddenly so damned popular again while no one seems to give a shit about the San Antonio Spurs? Let's break it down.
Point Guard: Tony Parker vs. Rajon Rondo
Parker is a former all star, NBA Finals MVP, (bad) rapper, French, and he's banging one of the hottest thirty-somethings on the planet.
Rondo. Well...Rondo. He briefly attended the University of Kentucky, and it's his second season in the league.
Advantage: I'd say Rondo (due to Parker being French and all), but Rondo is a nobody, and is probably destined to get annihilated by a good point guard like Chris Paul in the Finals. PUSH
Shooting Guard: Manu Ginobili vs Ray Allen
Ginobili is the leading scorer on the Spurs, Gold-medal winning leader of the Argentine National Team, Three time NBA champ, professional flopper, whirling dervish in the lane, and likely the most cold-blooded assassin year in and out on one of the NBA's best teams
Allen is one of the best shooters in the league. He can on occasion show flashes of his brilliance and slashing in the lane, but his 32 year old and reconstructed ankles limit this greatly. Definitely the kind of guy that makes you nervous when he shoots from downtown in a big game.
Advantage: Ginobili. Allen isn't quite the player he used to be. Manu looks as good or better than ever.
Small Forward: Bruce Bowen vs. Paul Pierce
Bowen is one of the league's best perimeter defenders. He used to be the uncontested best, but he's lost a step. Known for some "questionable" tactics (stepping under shooters, etc.) Deadly with the three-ball from the corner (either side).
Pierce is one of the best players in the league. I've previously outlined how his statistics match up frighteningly with Kobe's. He's one of the greatest players to ever done the Jayhawk uniform...this argument is silly.
Advantage: Pierce. I mean, duh.
Power Forward: Tim Duncan vs. KG
Tim Duncan has four NBA titles. Two league MVPs. Three Finals MVPs. A sweet bank shot. A degree in psychology from Wake Forrest. Oh yeah, he's also widely (and accurately) considered to be the best all around power forward, EVER.
Kevin Garnett has a league MVP. He's the fiercest competitor in the NBA (with all due respect to Allen Iverson). He absolutely never gives up in a game or anywhere, and he's won absolutely nothing.
Advantage: Duncan
Centers: Fabricio Oberto vs. Kendrick Perkins
meh
Advantage: Both guys are just there for rebounds and D. PUSH
Bench: Now remember, I'm debating the likeability of these teams, not necessarily the talent.
Celtics: Likeable E.T. look-alike in Sam Cassell. Genuine stiffs in Scot Pollard and Brian Scalabrine. Genuine thug in James Posey (and I mean THUG, just ask the Bulls). Genuine gastric-bypass candidate in Glen Davis.
Spurs: Old guys. Nobody particularly hate-able (nobody hates Robert Horry for hockey checking Steve Nash except Suns fans) A group of guys you could like if they were your team.
Advantage: Spurs
Jersey:
Celtics very class Green and White.
Spurs very traditional Black and White and Silver.
Advantage: Celtics. It's just a cooler jersey.
Home cities:
Boston: Great tradition of basketball. Gets cold as balls in the winter. Part of pretentious New England (don't forget, they think they're better than you). Destined to see people wearing Red Sox gear to games.
San Antonio: Great support for the team (due largely to the fact that they have nothing else). Tourist city because the weather is always nice (you can wear shorts to a game in February). Bad place to live if you share Glen Davis' lust for fatty foods. Nice people (You're not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway). Destined to see people wearing Dallas Cowboys gear to games.
Advantage: Even I'm willing to admit I'm too biased to pick this one.
Look, in an era where the NBA is relatively scandal free, this should be a time when the country comes back to basketball. One of the long-standing complaints was that the NBA was full of thugs, so why do people avoid the Spurs? They win (casual fans love cheering for a winner). They have young, fast, exciting players (Parker and Ginobili). They have a management team that intentional avoids guys with character issues. They aren't boring either (people who still say this just don't watch them, that's it. In 2003 and even 2005 they would've been right, but not anymore). So why do all the bandwagon fans on social networking sites run to cheer for a team with one bona-fide thug (Posey) and another testy player with a history of mixing it up (Pierce)?
Because people are fucking hypocrites. That's why.
-Dusty
P.S. You were due for at least one post that reeked of "homer"
Friday, March 14, 2008
Pick one. Just one.
Welcome back to the fold Pheonix. I still don't like the Shaq trade, but... This was one of the best games of the season. The talking heads love to say the Phx Suns can win two ways, and now they are really dangerous. Fair enough, but let's not call this a novel ideal. How many one dimmensional teams win championships? The Detroit Pistons were the last one dimmensional team that won the championship, and they could do it because they spread the ball around among five solid starters. If you think the Spurs are one dimmensional you don't know shit about basktetball. Tony is fast, and always has been. To say the Spurs have to play slow ignores that they have two of the best guards in the league. That doesn't matter though because the Spurs play their style, and don't play to other teams' styles. Wow, I am starting to sound like Dusty. The point is the Suns being able to play two types of basketball is not that big of a deal. Teams that can play one type of ball, other than teams that just ugly up the game to stay close and don't win in the playoffs. Look at most championships teams, they played their style of ball... not two styles of ball. That being said they beat the Warriors convincingly tonight. They beat them when Baron scored damn near forty. They beat the Spurs and Shaq looked good in that game. If the Suns get out of the West they win because they can play the slower style not the fast one. They were better at that style with Marion, and only one team plays like the Warriors... That of course is the Warriors because only one team is coached by someone who once ran the USSR. The Suns are repeatedly saying that they are in training camp mode. 18 games to the playoffs guys. Training camp was over for most teams a little while back. The point is great teams don't play two styles of ball to win games. They make the other team play their game, and have enough parts that can do enough different things that they can keep their style despite mismatches. What style are the Pheonix Suns going to try to win with in the playoffs. I don't think they can switch back and forth between styles and win. Using a 20 million dollar a year guy to win one type of game means it better be the one type of game that matters.
A quick side note, there may not be anything better than the players deciding to mess with Craig Sager's suits. Sager's hankercheif was actually taken out of the pocket and used to wipe sweat from Amare by Nash. How many people that make the amount of money that Sager presumably makes would laugh about people defiling their wardrobe, even if they wore crazy shit to stand out?
The Captain signing off...
A quick side note, there may not be anything better than the players deciding to mess with Craig Sager's suits. Sager's hankercheif was actually taken out of the pocket and used to wipe sweat from Amare by Nash. How many people that make the amount of money that Sager presumably makes would laugh about people defiling their wardrobe, even if they wore crazy shit to stand out?
The Captain signing off...
Sunday, March 9, 2008
The Orange Underground! Not Cheetohs!
We are still under the no-hitter rule.
The new Cheetos commercial are weird. Very damn weird, as Dusty and I have discussed. However,they do make me want to act like a vindictive shit and punish people with orage food dye and partionally hydrogenated oils. However, the orange underground is the NBA not Cheetos, let me tell you a story...
One day Jerry West called Mitch Kupchak and said, I am leaving the Grizzlies, but as compensation for my servide here they are letting me call in one last favor to take care of teh franchise I love. Kobe is also paying me all of his endorsement money. But we are going to hold off on trading Pau Gasol, and Kobe is going to openly criticize the franchise so that everyone is going to find the following events more dramatic than the series finale of Beverly Hills 90210...
These events will happen:
After wading through some disappointing play off losses we are going to flirt with the ideal of acquiring Jason Kidd. Kobe will openly criticize the organization for not doing this, and then you will have to let Andrew Bynum in on the plan so he agrees to stay. Kobe says some he things that he doesn't really mean about Andrew. It will all be OK, even though Kobe demands to be traded. We will look like the 2007-2008 season will have you looking Isaih Thomas. Don't worry I swear this is going to work.
I will then call in my favor and you will recieve Pau Gasol for next to nothing. It will be glorious, and chaos will ensue. AS a result of this trade we will have a damn fine team. However the beauty is that executives in the West will go absoutely crazy, and become more reactionary than the Patriot Act. Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire will willing accept a washed up Shaq instead of Shawn Marion or a number of other serviceable options ignoring the fact that Shaq has shit orbiting him at this point in his career. This makes us look less foolish for having busted up Kobe and Shaq while both were in their primes, but also keeps us from taking on the ridiculous contract situation that Miami and now Pheonix have agreed to pay to placate the Big Team Killer. Stay with me Mitch, this gets better. The conference will have continued to get better. This insanely convoluted plan will be made even better by the fact that in one of the closest Conference regular seasons ever we will have made the first place team in the conference completely change the style of ball that they play.
Wait... it get's better. The trade will facilitate another team becoming hysterical. Another known threat. The Ponies will trade a promising young guard for the leadership of an old elite point guard with a bloated contract and no championship experience believing it will shake them up and give them backbone. Wait for it... It is none other than the guy that we drove the trade value up on last season, your favorite meaningless triple double creator in NBA history, Jason Kidd. They too will plummet in the standings as they found out that their new rides have flat tires.
The phone hangs up. Kupchak and West go to bed knowing that they have stacked the deck in the Lakers favor.
That's the Orange Underground my friend. Believe it and know that David Stern masterminded all of this to up ratings in the playoffs. He keeps that mustache he had in those 80's drafts a in box inside a magic eight ball and whenever the league is going down hill he consults it. That's why this season looks the way it has.
This the Captain signing off for now...
The new Cheetos commercial are weird. Very damn weird, as Dusty and I have discussed. However,they do make me want to act like a vindictive shit and punish people with orage food dye and partionally hydrogenated oils. However, the orange underground is the NBA not Cheetos, let me tell you a story...
One day Jerry West called Mitch Kupchak and said, I am leaving the Grizzlies, but as compensation for my servide here they are letting me call in one last favor to take care of teh franchise I love. Kobe is also paying me all of his endorsement money. But we are going to hold off on trading Pau Gasol, and Kobe is going to openly criticize the franchise so that everyone is going to find the following events more dramatic than the series finale of Beverly Hills 90210...
These events will happen:
After wading through some disappointing play off losses we are going to flirt with the ideal of acquiring Jason Kidd. Kobe will openly criticize the organization for not doing this, and then you will have to let Andrew Bynum in on the plan so he agrees to stay. Kobe says some he things that he doesn't really mean about Andrew. It will all be OK, even though Kobe demands to be traded. We will look like the 2007-2008 season will have you looking Isaih Thomas. Don't worry I swear this is going to work.
I will then call in my favor and you will recieve Pau Gasol for next to nothing. It will be glorious, and chaos will ensue. AS a result of this trade we will have a damn fine team. However the beauty is that executives in the West will go absoutely crazy, and become more reactionary than the Patriot Act. Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire will willing accept a washed up Shaq instead of Shawn Marion or a number of other serviceable options ignoring the fact that Shaq has shit orbiting him at this point in his career. This makes us look less foolish for having busted up Kobe and Shaq while both were in their primes, but also keeps us from taking on the ridiculous contract situation that Miami and now Pheonix have agreed to pay to placate the Big Team Killer. Stay with me Mitch, this gets better. The conference will have continued to get better. This insanely convoluted plan will be made even better by the fact that in one of the closest Conference regular seasons ever we will have made the first place team in the conference completely change the style of ball that they play.
Wait... it get's better. The trade will facilitate another team becoming hysterical. Another known threat. The Ponies will trade a promising young guard for the leadership of an old elite point guard with a bloated contract and no championship experience believing it will shake them up and give them backbone. Wait for it... It is none other than the guy that we drove the trade value up on last season, your favorite meaningless triple double creator in NBA history, Jason Kidd. They too will plummet in the standings as they found out that their new rides have flat tires.
The phone hangs up. Kupchak and West go to bed knowing that they have stacked the deck in the Lakers favor.
That's the Orange Underground my friend. Believe it and know that David Stern masterminded all of this to up ratings in the playoffs. He keeps that mustache he had in those 80's drafts a in box inside a magic eight ball and whenever the league is going down hill he consults it. That's why this season looks the way it has.
This the Captain signing off for now...
Thursday, March 6, 2008
You Talkin' to Me???
I am treating the thing that you all would expect me to type about like a no-hitter. That's the only mention that you are going to het, remember the superstitions rule invoked early on this space.
Lebron is well on his way to scoring fifty points in back to back games. Two buzzer beating threes in the first half tonight. Good times. The game last night taught Spike Lee a lesson that has already been learned: Don't talk shit to Lebron James. It ends up badly for your team. A fan talking shit to James is like a girlfriend picking a fight with a guy that weighs fifty pounds more than her boyfriend. If you are playing Cleveland there should be pamphlets that are handed to the audience like the signs you see out side of tiger cages at the zoo then again we learned that people don't always read those either.
Celtics vs. Pistons didn't matter much. That is a seven game series that could be great, but Lebron could derail either one of these teams. Cleveland will only continue to get better. Boston will only continue to get better. The only way that Detroit ends up in the Finals is if Rasheed Wallace becomes a sane and motivated individual, well maybe just motivated. Wallace will not because the one person that kept hom motivated plays in Cleveland now.
I am really hoping that Dallas is the team to slip out of the playoffs in the West. How great would that be? I actually had a Mavs fan talk shit to me today. Check the standings lately Ponies fans? Seen your team play with the best point guard alive with two flat tires? Are you watching these games? Of course not, you only love your little Ponies not pay attention to the fact that you should be writing Dear John letter to Devin Harris and hel out to take Sam Cassell from the Celtics. The Ponies with P.J. Brown and Sam Cassell instead of Boston would have scared me more than the Ponies with Kidd. The Euro on Euro violence the other night was pretty bad too. Dirk's extra work to bring AK down at the end was why it was changed to a 2. Don't try to say that Dirk is showing toughness, he took a cheap shot on a guy that doesn't weigh anything. As Chuck said, he need to eat some happy meals. It is realistic to think that the Mavs could be the bubble team if they keep having trouble figuring out how to play with Kidd. You have to win 2 out of 3 games the rest of the way if you are in the West to have chance to make it in to the playoffs. Playing .500 ball from here on out will not get out in to the show this year.
Did you think that Denver would not be in the playoffs even if Melo and A.I. were the league's top scoring tandem? I would not have made that prediction. The Nuggets just look completely lost sometimes.
More to come. The Captain signing off for now...
Lebron is well on his way to scoring fifty points in back to back games. Two buzzer beating threes in the first half tonight. Good times. The game last night taught Spike Lee a lesson that has already been learned: Don't talk shit to Lebron James. It ends up badly for your team. A fan talking shit to James is like a girlfriend picking a fight with a guy that weighs fifty pounds more than her boyfriend. If you are playing Cleveland there should be pamphlets that are handed to the audience like the signs you see out side of tiger cages at the zoo then again we learned that people don't always read those either.
Celtics vs. Pistons didn't matter much. That is a seven game series that could be great, but Lebron could derail either one of these teams. Cleveland will only continue to get better. Boston will only continue to get better. The only way that Detroit ends up in the Finals is if Rasheed Wallace becomes a sane and motivated individual, well maybe just motivated. Wallace will not because the one person that kept hom motivated plays in Cleveland now.
I am really hoping that Dallas is the team to slip out of the playoffs in the West. How great would that be? I actually had a Mavs fan talk shit to me today. Check the standings lately Ponies fans? Seen your team play with the best point guard alive with two flat tires? Are you watching these games? Of course not, you only love your little Ponies not pay attention to the fact that you should be writing Dear John letter to Devin Harris and hel out to take Sam Cassell from the Celtics. The Ponies with P.J. Brown and Sam Cassell instead of Boston would have scared me more than the Ponies with Kidd. The Euro on Euro violence the other night was pretty bad too. Dirk's extra work to bring AK down at the end was why it was changed to a 2. Don't try to say that Dirk is showing toughness, he took a cheap shot on a guy that doesn't weigh anything. As Chuck said, he need to eat some happy meals. It is realistic to think that the Mavs could be the bubble team if they keep having trouble figuring out how to play with Kidd. You have to win 2 out of 3 games the rest of the way if you are in the West to have chance to make it in to the playoffs. Playing .500 ball from here on out will not get out in to the show this year.
Did you think that Denver would not be in the playoffs even if Melo and A.I. were the league's top scoring tandem? I would not have made that prediction. The Nuggets just look completely lost sometimes.
More to come. The Captain signing off for now...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
The Space Wrangler
Back from his trip as a Space Wrangler. Dusty is off to demolish some navy blue Ford Falcons in the never-ending pursuit to fight Fascist dictatorships in Latin America. He may in the future find time to be Travelin' Light, but today it is time for a reprieve to bring you the worst jokes and random commentary on the NBA season at this moment.
Eat your heart out Walton.
Last night, after the longest week in the history of time, I found some time to enjoy basketball. Here's what I found:
Utah v New Orleans
Kyle Korver joined the Utah Jazz in the first moments of the New Year. Since that time, the Jazz have gone 20-7. Korver has continued to shoot approximately 35% from downtown. Korver's addition was seen as the Jazz filling that need for an outside assassin. Now 35% is alright. To quote Caesar when presented with the alabastor bathing vessel: "Nice. It's not thrilling, but nice." The Jazz still seem to be pleased with him as a role player though. Here's a statistic that might make Caesar excited. Korver is shooting 46% from the field. He was shooting barely 39% for Philly. "Treasure from around the Empire!" It's a nice statistic since he's mostly a jump shooter. I mean, I'd take it.
His steals are way down from the first of the season, but his blocking rate is better. Jet said earlier this year that steals might be the most overrated statistic, since in order to get a steal a player usually has to sacrifice their position, which means they get burned a lot when the steal gamble doesn't pay off. So basically, Korver has become a more valuable defender. "Treasure Bath!"
I'm sure Jazz fans are likely the most excited about the fact that the Jazz have gone 20-7 for them. Having a high winning percentage in the Western Conference this year is some much important than it has been in longer than I can remember. So what is Korver's overall contribution? It's not the most obvious impact, but something is there. Let's call it the Butterfly Effect.
How OKC made NO a better basketball town
Oklahoma City is a boring capital to a boring state, but they do have fine collegiate athletics programs. The lameness and college connection made them a great place to host a displaced NBA franchise. People in Oklahoma needed something else to be excited about (lots of free time), and the Hornets needed a home. People in Oklahoma were excited. They brought in the great tradition from college basketball of standing until the home team makes a bucket. So classy. So supportive. The best part?
New Orleans' fans kept the tradition alive! I loved it. However, you could definitely tell that this crowd was not experienced. The game started slowly. There were no field goals for the first two minutes. The first serious opportunity to score was at the ten minute mark with David West at the charity stripe. So, here, dear reader is the question to you. When can the N.O. fans sit?
(wait)
(wait)
If you said after the first made free throw. You would be in good company, because that's when the Hornets fans sat.
While you were being a loyal and good fan, you were still not being a great fan. The great fan never sits until the home team makes a legit field goal. Oh well, it's a start for them.
Boston v Charlotte
Did you know Gerald Wallace has had four concussions in the last four seasons? I didn't. Damn. You gotta watch out for those 'bows, son.
Was Nazr Mohammed brought to the Bobcats for veteran leadership? I mean, he does have two championship rings.
Miscellaneous
I remember watching the Spurs play the Lakers in the 2003 playoffs. I remember at one of our playoff viewing parties (still my favorite post season, ever), my friend Megan pointed out that the Spurs would assuredly beat the Lakers, because the Spurs brought good players off the bench, and the Lakers brought out Jannero Pargo (had to look up the spelling of his first name).
Did you know Pargo is kicking ass right now? The announcers brought that to my attention. Apparently scoring about eight and a half a game in about eighteen and a half minutes is pretty kick ass. Who knew?
Peja Stojakovic will now be known as Jesus. This is not the result of his play, but simply because I think he looks like Jim Caviezel.
Does Lebron need a nickname? The color guy on the Cavs broadcast last night called him "L-Train" when he slammed home a fast break in the lane. I like L-Train, but will giving him a nickname marginalize his career? Lebron wants to be Jordan (or better), and MJ was the only pseudo nickname he had. Kobe is just Kobe (Mamba doesn't count, you can't give yourself a nickname). Russell was Russell. Wilt Chamberlin doesn't have a nickname (to my knowledge), but rumor is he called his johnson "Rusty". Then there are the guys who did have the nicknames: Earl the Pearl, Chief (Parish), the Dream, Reign Man, and who could forget that George Miken's teammates lovingly called him "Tits".
So is Lebron's lack of a nickname a result of a marketing campaign, or because people in Cleveland have no imagination?
Well it's been a Long Strange Trip (copywrited? REALLY?). Ok, it's fun hangin with you Pilgrims, but I've gotta Keep On Rollin'. Every game matters now.
-Dusty
Eat your heart out Walton.
Last night, after the longest week in the history of time, I found some time to enjoy basketball. Here's what I found:
Utah v New Orleans
Kyle Korver joined the Utah Jazz in the first moments of the New Year. Since that time, the Jazz have gone 20-7. Korver has continued to shoot approximately 35% from downtown. Korver's addition was seen as the Jazz filling that need for an outside assassin. Now 35% is alright. To quote Caesar when presented with the alabastor bathing vessel: "Nice. It's not thrilling, but nice." The Jazz still seem to be pleased with him as a role player though. Here's a statistic that might make Caesar excited. Korver is shooting 46% from the field. He was shooting barely 39% for Philly. "Treasure from around the Empire!" It's a nice statistic since he's mostly a jump shooter. I mean, I'd take it.
His steals are way down from the first of the season, but his blocking rate is better. Jet said earlier this year that steals might be the most overrated statistic, since in order to get a steal a player usually has to sacrifice their position, which means they get burned a lot when the steal gamble doesn't pay off. So basically, Korver has become a more valuable defender. "Treasure Bath!"
I'm sure Jazz fans are likely the most excited about the fact that the Jazz have gone 20-7 for them. Having a high winning percentage in the Western Conference this year is some much important than it has been in longer than I can remember. So what is Korver's overall contribution? It's not the most obvious impact, but something is there. Let's call it the Butterfly Effect.
How OKC made NO a better basketball town
Oklahoma City is a boring capital to a boring state, but they do have fine collegiate athletics programs. The lameness and college connection made them a great place to host a displaced NBA franchise. People in Oklahoma needed something else to be excited about (lots of free time), and the Hornets needed a home. People in Oklahoma were excited. They brought in the great tradition from college basketball of standing until the home team makes a bucket. So classy. So supportive. The best part?
New Orleans' fans kept the tradition alive! I loved it. However, you could definitely tell that this crowd was not experienced. The game started slowly. There were no field goals for the first two minutes. The first serious opportunity to score was at the ten minute mark with David West at the charity stripe. So, here, dear reader is the question to you. When can the N.O. fans sit?
(wait)
(wait)
If you said after the first made free throw. You would be in good company, because that's when the Hornets fans sat.
While you were being a loyal and good fan, you were still not being a great fan. The great fan never sits until the home team makes a legit field goal. Oh well, it's a start for them.
Boston v Charlotte
Did you know Gerald Wallace has had four concussions in the last four seasons? I didn't. Damn. You gotta watch out for those 'bows, son.
Was Nazr Mohammed brought to the Bobcats for veteran leadership? I mean, he does have two championship rings.
Miscellaneous
I remember watching the Spurs play the Lakers in the 2003 playoffs. I remember at one of our playoff viewing parties (still my favorite post season, ever), my friend Megan pointed out that the Spurs would assuredly beat the Lakers, because the Spurs brought good players off the bench, and the Lakers brought out Jannero Pargo (had to look up the spelling of his first name).
Did you know Pargo is kicking ass right now? The announcers brought that to my attention. Apparently scoring about eight and a half a game in about eighteen and a half minutes is pretty kick ass. Who knew?
Peja Stojakovic will now be known as Jesus. This is not the result of his play, but simply because I think he looks like Jim Caviezel.
Does Lebron need a nickname? The color guy on the Cavs broadcast last night called him "L-Train" when he slammed home a fast break in the lane. I like L-Train, but will giving him a nickname marginalize his career? Lebron wants to be Jordan (or better), and MJ was the only pseudo nickname he had. Kobe is just Kobe (Mamba doesn't count, you can't give yourself a nickname). Russell was Russell. Wilt Chamberlin doesn't have a nickname (to my knowledge), but rumor is he called his johnson "Rusty". Then there are the guys who did have the nicknames: Earl the Pearl, Chief (Parish), the Dream, Reign Man, and who could forget that George Miken's teammates lovingly called him "Tits".
So is Lebron's lack of a nickname a result of a marketing campaign, or because people in Cleveland have no imagination?
Well it's been a Long Strange Trip (copywrited? REALLY?). Ok, it's fun hangin with you Pilgrims, but I've gotta Keep On Rollin'. Every game matters now.
-Dusty
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