I plan my day around doing work all day and then watching the Rockets game as a wind down for the evening. Though Rockets game have been more stressful than recreational this season a lot of the time. Then Yao is scratched with an upper respiratory infection right before the damn game. I am still not going to get back to work.
I may have been wrong when I mentioned the NFL announcing being worse than the NBA announcing, however I have watched many more NBA games this season. The highlights of bad announcing. The NBA announcers rarely have head trauma to fall back on as an excuse. In some cases names aren't mentioned to make the person look better, and because I don't remember.
-Jazz announcer- "This team plays better with intensity and passion." Most teams play better when they are unfocused and apathetic. Thanks.
-ESPN announcer-Somehow this person felt compelled to compare Marcus Camby with Deke in his prime in Denver. I really don't understand how this is OK, both are shot blocking centers, but I have never seen an entire team avoid the paint anytime someone was in a game the way they did for about six years when Deke's finger wag was frequent. Marcus Camby is good... at getting injured. And being the defensive anchor on a team that does not play defense.
- Clyde Drexler- He called Iceland a continent. Bill Worell then proceeded to properly pronounce the jumble of vowels and consonants that is Iceland's capitol in order to show that he does indeed know which land masses are continents. One of the best insults ever because Clyde will never know that it was condescending unless he reads this post.
- Tommy Heinshon- Everytime he opens his mouth. He is the Billy Packer of the NBA.
- Bill Walton- This is reaching back, but Bill's commentary during the FIBA America's tournament that included much educational content on the current state of affairs on any country mentioned was phenomenal. It wouldn't have been so funny if not for the long silences and blank stares that it elicited from the rest of the coverage team.
- Portland's coverage team. Making jokes about Gred Oden's bobblehead not having scars on it. Um....
- The Knicks crew- Rarely do you here home commentators sound disgusted with their own team 85% of the time... during a win.
- Clyde "Walt" Frazier- I swear this man has an Abecca vocabulary list that he tries to work into each broadcast. Words get worked into game broadcast that only someone like Dennis Miller could pull off, and then they would fire him for using them correctly and making the common viewer feel stupid. Wait that happened. Clyde won't get fired, he says the words slowly enough so as not to be insulting. No one watches the Knicks anymore anyway, unless they want sit around bitch about them anyway.
- Chicago's crew- The last time I watched they still seemed like they believed in this team. That is admirable.
- The Heat's crew- Wait, I haven't watched a Heat game.
- The Mavs crew- I seethe with hatred whenever I watch these games so it is just a high pitch noise that is about as annoying as the Lamb Chop song combined with the noise that Jim Carrey makes in Dumb and Dumber.
- Sean Elliot- This man talks mad shit during games. I want to see Sean and Reggie Miller do a game with Charles Barkley. No one would be safe.
The Captain signing off for now...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
just to let you know...
The Rockets super sub will guarantee two big losses in the playoffs if they make it there. That would be perfectly acceptable if it was Rudy Gay. A superstar who won't play verses a superstar who could play is something that should have been taken into account. In all of this you have to respect Shane Battier. A consumate professional and a great basketball player.
The Spurs super sub should have been an All-Star, and it might matter that this team wasn't promoted well this season. They believe the hype before the All-Star break, and are coasting through too many games. This team works because it pays no attention to anyone. That might not keep working if they don't pay attention to their games.
Two weeks has people shutting up about the Celtics.
Two weeks (and the next two months) has people talking about the Lakers.
If you are a decent human being from outside the Boston area you want the Pats to lose the Superbowl.
No one gives a shit about NHL All-Star weekend. Trust me, it is less than six miles from my house(as the crow flies). I haven't seen a Maple leaf flag once today. Hockey is the first sport that kind of matterd to commit suicide.
Bill Simmons is responsible if and when the Pats lose to the Giants. The '86 Celtics would mock him for his last column.
The Donald is being unfairly portrayed as cheap. I can't belive I just typed that. He really wants to see this team win. Kaman was a worthwhile investment, Brand was given franchise money, but he should have let Maggete go for Jason Terry if that was a possibility. The other team in LA isn't playing because of injury not a bad roster.
Kobe and the Lakers will go in to the break in top 4. This is weird.
Stevie used to be the Franchise won't play again this year in all likelihood.
Kelenna will be th MIP.
The coach of the year candidates will include Doc Rivers, even though his team has won because he doesn't coach. Eddie Jordan, Byron Scott, and Nate McMillan are the only true candidates.
The East might win the Larry O'Brien because they suck. The road to the finals is unimpeded.
The Knicks are turning down trades. Why? Should you even ask why anymore with this team, probably not.
The Captain signing off for now...
The Spurs super sub should have been an All-Star, and it might matter that this team wasn't promoted well this season. They believe the hype before the All-Star break, and are coasting through too many games. This team works because it pays no attention to anyone. That might not keep working if they don't pay attention to their games.
Two weeks has people shutting up about the Celtics.
Two weeks (and the next two months) has people talking about the Lakers.
If you are a decent human being from outside the Boston area you want the Pats to lose the Superbowl.
No one gives a shit about NHL All-Star weekend. Trust me, it is less than six miles from my house(as the crow flies). I haven't seen a Maple leaf flag once today. Hockey is the first sport that kind of matterd to commit suicide.
Bill Simmons is responsible if and when the Pats lose to the Giants. The '86 Celtics would mock him for his last column.
The Donald is being unfairly portrayed as cheap. I can't belive I just typed that. He really wants to see this team win. Kaman was a worthwhile investment, Brand was given franchise money, but he should have let Maggete go for Jason Terry if that was a possibility. The other team in LA isn't playing because of injury not a bad roster.
Kobe and the Lakers will go in to the break in top 4. This is weird.
Stevie used to be the Franchise won't play again this year in all likelihood.
Kelenna will be th MIP.
The coach of the year candidates will include Doc Rivers, even though his team has won because he doesn't coach. Eddie Jordan, Byron Scott, and Nate McMillan are the only true candidates.
The East might win the Larry O'Brien because they suck. The road to the finals is unimpeded.
The Knicks are turning down trades. Why? Should you even ask why anymore with this team, probably not.
The Captain signing off for now...
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Can Baron Score?
The often injured Baron Davis tied his career high scoring mark last night with 40 points. This was puzzling to sports broadcasters and to me as well. I mean, it's not like he's playing hurt all the time. You would think that someone like the great Baron Davis would've had at least one game in the 50 point range, you would apparently be wrong.
In the interest of full disclosure (not sure why it's necessary on a fan blog where I use a pseudonym, but whatever) I should tell you that the Golden State Warriors are my second favorite team in the NBA. This makes no practical sense, because my favorite team is a very smart, defensive minded, paced kind of team. The Warriors on the other hand look like a bunch of guys playing a pick up game. I suppose this is why they'd be my second favorite team. They are built to be streaky and cheering for a team with ups and downs like that would undoubtedly give me a heart attack before I turn 35. Their streaky nature is what is so much fun to watch though, it's also why I don't think you'll ever see Baron Davis hit the 50 point mark in a game.
Golden State plays Nellyball, which is named after their Boris Yeltsin look-alike coach Mr. Don Nelson. Now, Nellyball demands that the players run a lot. The main objective is to score quickly with the first open shot and to try to force the opponent into bad shots. Now this means that EVERYONE on the team is going to be shooting the ball, frequently. This style of play doesn't mean that someone is going to just dribble the ball up the court and pop off a quick shot without passing at all (well, not all the time anyway). The objective is to find the first open person with a decent shot. Nelly demands that his players be aggressive, and they are. This is why Baron Davis isn't likely to hit 50 in a game. Everyone in their starting five is looking for offense (except possibly Andris Biedrins, although he gets in on the action sometimes). That means that the offense isn't going to run exclusively through Baron, which you would likely expect if you saw that he was making $10 million more this season that anyone else on the team. I mean, nobody gives a huge contract like to that to a player who isn't going to be a big offensive weapon...
So, since Baron is going to be sharing a lot of shots, I think this will keep him under the 50 point mark.
Speaking of the Warriors, one of my biggest disappointments this season was seeing that Matt Barnes got rid of the mohawk, so sad. On a related note, Damon Jones has a mohawk now. I was really not much of a fan of Damon Jones, but I found myself intrigued by his play the other night when I saw the mohawk. That's right, I'm not watching the Cavs for Lebron. I watch for Damon Jones' mohawk.
Speaking of bad teams, I think I know what the Chicago Bulls' problem is. They have no team chemistry. None. Joakim Noah got in trouble with the team for questioning everyone's desire and what not. He got in trouble for being right as far as I can tell. I was struck by how much this team doesn't seem to care about each other the last time I watched them. It just seems like nobody on that team hangs out together. I bet they don't go see movies together on the road, go whoring for women together or take long walks on the beach together. You know, all the things you're supposed to do with teammates.
That's all for now, more later about a what-if scenario and Damon Jones.
-Dusty
In the interest of full disclosure (not sure why it's necessary on a fan blog where I use a pseudonym, but whatever) I should tell you that the Golden State Warriors are my second favorite team in the NBA. This makes no practical sense, because my favorite team is a very smart, defensive minded, paced kind of team. The Warriors on the other hand look like a bunch of guys playing a pick up game. I suppose this is why they'd be my second favorite team. They are built to be streaky and cheering for a team with ups and downs like that would undoubtedly give me a heart attack before I turn 35. Their streaky nature is what is so much fun to watch though, it's also why I don't think you'll ever see Baron Davis hit the 50 point mark in a game.
Golden State plays Nellyball, which is named after their Boris Yeltsin look-alike coach Mr. Don Nelson. Now, Nellyball demands that the players run a lot. The main objective is to score quickly with the first open shot and to try to force the opponent into bad shots. Now this means that EVERYONE on the team is going to be shooting the ball, frequently. This style of play doesn't mean that someone is going to just dribble the ball up the court and pop off a quick shot without passing at all (well, not all the time anyway). The objective is to find the first open person with a decent shot. Nelly demands that his players be aggressive, and they are. This is why Baron Davis isn't likely to hit 50 in a game. Everyone in their starting five is looking for offense (except possibly Andris Biedrins, although he gets in on the action sometimes). That means that the offense isn't going to run exclusively through Baron, which you would likely expect if you saw that he was making $10 million more this season that anyone else on the team. I mean, nobody gives a huge contract like to that to a player who isn't going to be a big offensive weapon...
So, since Baron is going to be sharing a lot of shots, I think this will keep him under the 50 point mark.
Speaking of the Warriors, one of my biggest disappointments this season was seeing that Matt Barnes got rid of the mohawk, so sad. On a related note, Damon Jones has a mohawk now. I was really not much of a fan of Damon Jones, but I found myself intrigued by his play the other night when I saw the mohawk. That's right, I'm not watching the Cavs for Lebron. I watch for Damon Jones' mohawk.
Speaking of bad teams, I think I know what the Chicago Bulls' problem is. They have no team chemistry. None. Joakim Noah got in trouble with the team for questioning everyone's desire and what not. He got in trouble for being right as far as I can tell. I was struck by how much this team doesn't seem to care about each other the last time I watched them. It just seems like nobody on that team hangs out together. I bet they don't go see movies together on the road, go whoring for women together or take long walks on the beach together. You know, all the things you're supposed to do with teammates.
That's all for now, more later about a what-if scenario and Damon Jones.
-Dusty
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I promise to use paragraphs. I promise to use paragraphs. I promise to use paragraphs. I promise to use paragraphs.
Ok, so my last post was a rambling mess, but there were still some good points. I have some more thoughts to bering to you tonight. They will be broken into paragraphs and hopefully stay on point, so I don't end up rambling on like a Catholic wedding.
I am still interested in the possible trade scenarios that are out there. Trades are one of the most exciting thigns in sports, and in the NBA it can really change things in a way that it changes no other sport. A role player at the right time in a sport where 9 man rotations are considered long is infinitely more valuable than a role player in a sport where there dozens of guys on the team.I am well aware that I am not considering hockey or soccer, and that's because hockey committed suicide a couple of years ago and soccer is fucking boring. In basketball trades for guys who are not stars can be the difference in winning a championship or getting deep into the playoffs, why do you think Derek Fisher and Robert Horry are such coveted assets?
The two most likely to move are BallSacs. Ron Artest and Mike Bibby are being shopped and one has to believe that Cleveland will do something to get Bibby. The only task that matters if you are in the Cavs organization is keeping Lebron James happy enough to be a one team guy for life. If Lebron leaves Cleveland through Free Agency the Cavs would be hard pressed to get the square root of the Hawks and Hornets attendance numbers combined into their arena. That means that 6 people would be showing up to Cleveland games. Bibby is a scoring guard that could really help the Cavs if he is healthy. He did have some clutch moments close to a decade ago when the only thing they needed in Arco was more cowbell. If Mike Bibby would please Lebron James then Cleveland has to get him.
Artest. Where do you send Ron Artest? Who would role the dice on artest? He is a bargain in terms of contract, but you end up paying for Artest in other ways. Think of Ron Artest as the cheapest best tasting thing on the menu at a road side taco stand. You are going to enjoy the choice to get teh Cabrito Burrito with extra calliente for the first two hours after the purchase, but the inevitable aftermath of such a dish is going to be embarrassing and really difficult clean up afterward. I wander what Artest could do for the New York Knicks. Zach Randolph, Stephon Marbury, and Ron Artest all being on one team makes me giddy thinking about it. What about Artest to South Beach where Wade and Shaq try to keep in line much like the Bulls and MJ kept Rodman in line. If Pat Riley can pick up Artest with a combination of expiring contracts he has to do it. Why? Because it could't get much worse down there.
I would still like to see the preseason offering of AK for the Matrix happen. It would wake up both teams and we would get to see AK 47 run, which would be amazing. The Matrix would be a good addition to a Salt Lake team that has been up and down.
What do I think about C-Webb going to the Lakers? It would bring someone who really knows how to win a championship to a team that is based on people knowing their roles. Webber plays flat footed and makes mistakes when the game is on the line. He is also not the best at handling criticism, so I am sure he and Kobe would really get along. Mitch Kupchak will pull the trigger on this one soon.
We already talked about Zach Randolph a little bit, who is supposedly being shopped. What do we do with a 20 and 10 guy that looks just like the 20 and not quite 10 guy that we have? Somehow the Knicks never asked this question until now. Which means that Randolph will be headed somewhere. He could be a really important piece if he were sent to the right team where he could get his numbers and not be the guy that keep the team together. Milwaukee actually makes sense for him in someways, but they have already balked. Seattle? If he didnt contaminate the environment there a low post presence to help out Durant might be interesting. Seattle has the piece to make the trade too, given that they have Kurt Thomas's expiring contract.
Well, I don't know if we will actually see anything happen. This is the Captain signing off for now...
Ok, so my last post was a rambling mess, but there were still some good points. I have some more thoughts to bering to you tonight. They will be broken into paragraphs and hopefully stay on point, so I don't end up rambling on like a Catholic wedding.
I am still interested in the possible trade scenarios that are out there. Trades are one of the most exciting thigns in sports, and in the NBA it can really change things in a way that it changes no other sport. A role player at the right time in a sport where 9 man rotations are considered long is infinitely more valuable than a role player in a sport where there dozens of guys on the team.I am well aware that I am not considering hockey or soccer, and that's because hockey committed suicide a couple of years ago and soccer is fucking boring. In basketball trades for guys who are not stars can be the difference in winning a championship or getting deep into the playoffs, why do you think Derek Fisher and Robert Horry are such coveted assets?
The two most likely to move are BallSacs. Ron Artest and Mike Bibby are being shopped and one has to believe that Cleveland will do something to get Bibby. The only task that matters if you are in the Cavs organization is keeping Lebron James happy enough to be a one team guy for life. If Lebron leaves Cleveland through Free Agency the Cavs would be hard pressed to get the square root of the Hawks and Hornets attendance numbers combined into their arena. That means that 6 people would be showing up to Cleveland games. Bibby is a scoring guard that could really help the Cavs if he is healthy. He did have some clutch moments close to a decade ago when the only thing they needed in Arco was more cowbell. If Mike Bibby would please Lebron James then Cleveland has to get him.
Artest. Where do you send Ron Artest? Who would role the dice on artest? He is a bargain in terms of contract, but you end up paying for Artest in other ways. Think of Ron Artest as the cheapest best tasting thing on the menu at a road side taco stand. You are going to enjoy the choice to get teh Cabrito Burrito with extra calliente for the first two hours after the purchase, but the inevitable aftermath of such a dish is going to be embarrassing and really difficult clean up afterward. I wander what Artest could do for the New York Knicks. Zach Randolph, Stephon Marbury, and Ron Artest all being on one team makes me giddy thinking about it. What about Artest to South Beach where Wade and Shaq try to keep in line much like the Bulls and MJ kept Rodman in line. If Pat Riley can pick up Artest with a combination of expiring contracts he has to do it. Why? Because it could't get much worse down there.
I would still like to see the preseason offering of AK for the Matrix happen. It would wake up both teams and we would get to see AK 47 run, which would be amazing. The Matrix would be a good addition to a Salt Lake team that has been up and down.
What do I think about C-Webb going to the Lakers? It would bring someone who really knows how to win a championship to a team that is based on people knowing their roles. Webber plays flat footed and makes mistakes when the game is on the line. He is also not the best at handling criticism, so I am sure he and Kobe would really get along. Mitch Kupchak will pull the trigger on this one soon.
We already talked about Zach Randolph a little bit, who is supposedly being shopped. What do we do with a 20 and 10 guy that looks just like the 20 and not quite 10 guy that we have? Somehow the Knicks never asked this question until now. Which means that Randolph will be headed somewhere. He could be a really important piece if he were sent to the right team where he could get his numbers and not be the guy that keep the team together. Milwaukee actually makes sense for him in someways, but they have already balked. Seattle? If he didnt contaminate the environment there a low post presence to help out Durant might be interesting. Seattle has the piece to make the trade too, given that they have Kurt Thomas's expiring contract.
Well, I don't know if we will actually see anything happen. This is the Captain signing off for now...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Wait 'til they see us! They LOVE us!
ESPN.com's Mark Stein has a way of periodically throwing out statistics that ruin my day, like when he noted that the Spurs are 6-8 on the road. I mean, WTF San Antonio? Eh, whatever, it's still early.
Random League Pass Observation: I saw this early in the season and forgot to mention it until now: have you seen the Nuggets trainer? You might be saying, which one? There are several behind the bench. You would know who I mean if you'd seen him. He's white, dreadlocked and looks like the kind of guy who likes to talk about how many grams of protein he's eaten each day for fun. This guy is ridiculous looking. He seems like the kind of guy who'd pull the "staring at himself in the mirror while he fucks someone" thing from American Psycho. Stupid in shape bastards. Did I mention I don't go to the gym enough?
I have decided I hate the Boston Celtics. I shouldn't, but I do. There aren't any really good reasons for me to dislike them. I continue to think Kevin Garnett is one of the best players on the planet. I've always thought so, and I do not find this to be any different now that he's in Boston. I grew up rooting for the University of Kansas, so I should never hate Paul Pierce, ever. Ray Allen might be a tougher guy for me to get behind though. I think he's a great player, but I also think he bitched about Bruce Bowen too much. He might actually have had a better case though. Most guys who bitched about Bowen had bad games against him. Ray Allen actually routinely torched Bowen (and it may be that stepping under a jump shooter is dirty, but unless they want to start calling it during games, you can just continue to forward your complaints to Bruce's voicemail, he's busy polishing his championship rings).
I think my real problem with Boston resides in their supporting cast. James Posey has long been one of my least favorite players alive. He's just REALLY dirty as a player. If you don't agree, then go ask Kirk Heinrich or Luol Deng.
The single biggest reason to root against the Celtics is history. They have an absurd number of titles, 16, including 9 in 11 seasons at one point. I realize that was a long time ago, but come on. A person should be obligated to root against the Celtics for the same reason a person roots against a team like the Yankees. You can't root for a winner like that unless you're from there (and even then you're cooler if you root for the other team in the city, unless you're Frankie Muniz). The two teams you always root against in the league are the Celtics and the Lakers (14 titles). The Captain and I had a discussion a few years ago about whether or not you should hate those teams even if they currently suck and haven't been good for a while. It was a hard argument to make against Boston because they were awful. Well, now they're good and I hope they die. Rooting for Boston makes you the worst kind of person alive. The only thing worse is being a Lakers fan (but that's only because you likely refer to people as "Brah" on a frequent basis).
By the way, guess who's number four on the list of most NBA titles all time? That's right, the Spurs. Hate me.
-Dusty
Random League Pass Observation: I saw this early in the season and forgot to mention it until now: have you seen the Nuggets trainer? You might be saying, which one? There are several behind the bench. You would know who I mean if you'd seen him. He's white, dreadlocked and looks like the kind of guy who likes to talk about how many grams of protein he's eaten each day for fun. This guy is ridiculous looking. He seems like the kind of guy who'd pull the "staring at himself in the mirror while he fucks someone" thing from American Psycho. Stupid in shape bastards. Did I mention I don't go to the gym enough?
I have decided I hate the Boston Celtics. I shouldn't, but I do. There aren't any really good reasons for me to dislike them. I continue to think Kevin Garnett is one of the best players on the planet. I've always thought so, and I do not find this to be any different now that he's in Boston. I grew up rooting for the University of Kansas, so I should never hate Paul Pierce, ever. Ray Allen might be a tougher guy for me to get behind though. I think he's a great player, but I also think he bitched about Bruce Bowen too much. He might actually have had a better case though. Most guys who bitched about Bowen had bad games against him. Ray Allen actually routinely torched Bowen (and it may be that stepping under a jump shooter is dirty, but unless they want to start calling it during games, you can just continue to forward your complaints to Bruce's voicemail, he's busy polishing his championship rings).
I think my real problem with Boston resides in their supporting cast. James Posey has long been one of my least favorite players alive. He's just REALLY dirty as a player. If you don't agree, then go ask Kirk Heinrich or Luol Deng.
The single biggest reason to root against the Celtics is history. They have an absurd number of titles, 16, including 9 in 11 seasons at one point. I realize that was a long time ago, but come on. A person should be obligated to root against the Celtics for the same reason a person roots against a team like the Yankees. You can't root for a winner like that unless you're from there (and even then you're cooler if you root for the other team in the city, unless you're Frankie Muniz). The two teams you always root against in the league are the Celtics and the Lakers (14 titles). The Captain and I had a discussion a few years ago about whether or not you should hate those teams even if they currently suck and haven't been good for a while. It was a hard argument to make against Boston because they were awful. Well, now they're good and I hope they die. Rooting for Boston makes you the worst kind of person alive. The only thing worse is being a Lakers fan (but that's only because you likely refer to people as "Brah" on a frequent basis).
By the way, guess who's number four on the list of most NBA titles all time? That's right, the Spurs. Hate me.
-Dusty
He's Already Got One!
The Celtics have lost back to back... to the Wizards... without Giblert Arenas. As noted in this space earlier who would have predicted Caron Butler would be the gem of the Shaq trade three years later. The Lakers are so happy to have someone take the pressure off of Kobe whenit comes to having two players that have to be guarded. Oh yea, they traded him for Kwame Brown.That has to be a move that inspires confidence in Kobe. Will trade talk heat up again now that Bynum is out for two months? Kobe is high maintenance, and I don't see anyway to fix that problem. The Lakers will probably back into the playoffs, and lose badly like they have in recent years. Kobe will bitch like he has in recent years. Back to the point though. I don't want to revel in Boston's loss. Well maybe a little, but I want to talk about the Wiz winning without Gil. I have stated my affinity for Capt'n Crazy, and I really thought the Wiz were sunk without him. I have heard talk about coach of the year, and the usually brilliant CKE team on TNT threw out Doc Rivers. Please, Eddie Jordan and Nate McMillan are much more deserving. We have seen Doc coach teams out of games, the Celts are good now because Doc doesn't have to coach. Eddie Jordan has his team in playoff contention with their best player off the court. However, Tough Juice is pushing to take that title away from Gil. While Jamison is the other half of the leagues highest scoring forward tandem, I don't see him as a franchise guy.If he were a franchise guy the Warriors would have made the playoffs before last year. He can score, but where would Antwan be on your list of guys you want on the floor if you are betting on the game? He plays defense like collendar. If you don't know what that is, it's a lot easier to cook spaghetti with one. Point being I don't think Antwan would be on my top fifteen when it came to finishing a game out that I really had to have a team win. So what the hell am I rambling about? This rambling is coming down to the point that I don't know if I am so anxious to sign Gilbert as I was last summer. If he comes back this year and the Wiz make noise in the playoffs, say a conference finals appearance or a competitice series with the Celts with Gil then you keep him. If not you might look to complete the increasingly uncommon sign and trade deal. I think this is possible with Gil because he seems to want to do right by the Wiz and is opting out because he knows it is smart not because he doesn't like the team. The Wiz might feel like it is time to try another guy next to Caron and Jamison since they can score enough together to win. What if the Wiz had a killer guy in the post, or a proven superstar who was wanted to go somewhere else. If you could trade Arenas in a sign and trade you could get some interesting options. Say Kobe finally bitches his way out of LA. They could send him East for a marquee player and first rounder, and whatever contracts it takes to make it work? An interesting prospect even if it is unlikely. When it comes to trading for another high maintanence guard the Lakers won't be very keen because they've already got one. Oh yes, and he's very nice. I don't think Kobe is leaving the Lakers any more than Hillary Clinton is leaving Bill at this point. Or what about Tracy McGrady for Gil in a sign and trade? If I am Washington I don't do this unless the Rockets get out of the first round this year, but if they do that the Rockets aren't trading him. However, if the Wiz could get a solid post player and some a replacement guard like Chris Kaman and Corey Maggette from the Clips would they do it? I don't know that Donald Sterling does this, but if you could talk Donald into it don't you think that Gilbert would love hamming it up in LA. The guy is a born superstar. I know none of these trades are likely, but if you are the Wiz you have to be interested in what teams would give for Gil in a sign and trade, or even what they might give before the break if Gil talks to the other team about re-upping once he gets there like McGrady did with the Rockets before he got there.
Speaking of... If the Rockets don't get out of the first round, providing they make the playoffs this year I don't think McGrady stays. Yao isn't going, so all the jack asses on the Rockets website wasting their time asking decent writers like Fran Blinebury and Jonathan Feigen about getting rid of Yao need to stop. You don't give up a guy with a fanbase pushin a billion people. End of story. On top of that he is good and getting better. Guards and small forwards are easier to find than Centers who can control the game for extended stretches of a game. So what could the Rockets get for a superstar with more talent than all but maybe five other guys in the league? Well if that superstar is moody and oft injured that mitigates much of what you can get. If you start shopping McGrady you are going to have to sell for fifty cents on the dollar, but what if that dollar was an unprotected first rounder? If you get a high first rounder for McGrady and you know you can get a guy who is going to be a great scorer I think you might have to do it. Hakeem won his championships later in his career as a dominant post player. McGrady isn't old, but a mature Yao with good role players and a hungry young scorer is more likely to get deep in the playoffs in my mind. The Rockets have a tough road in the playoffs just by being in the West, so you have to wonder how well the Rockets are going to fair as this current roster is composed. I don't think the Rockets will or can make a trade to anywhere near equal value. I just wonder what a young hungry athletic scorer and role players who don't stay on the bench coudl do around a guy like Yao who is starting to become more of a leader. Maybe T-Mac can be to Yao what Clyde was to Hakeem but I don't see it now. So this has been a rambling post, much as title would have suggested since I stole from the some of the greatest comedic ramblers ever. The trade deadline is coming up and I wonder who will be available. Probably neither one of these guys. Quite likely because when it comes to two scorers without Championships most teams have already got one. The Captain signing off...
Speaking of... If the Rockets don't get out of the first round, providing they make the playoffs this year I don't think McGrady stays. Yao isn't going, so all the jack asses on the Rockets website wasting their time asking decent writers like Fran Blinebury and Jonathan Feigen about getting rid of Yao need to stop. You don't give up a guy with a fanbase pushin a billion people. End of story. On top of that he is good and getting better. Guards and small forwards are easier to find than Centers who can control the game for extended stretches of a game. So what could the Rockets get for a superstar with more talent than all but maybe five other guys in the league? Well if that superstar is moody and oft injured that mitigates much of what you can get. If you start shopping McGrady you are going to have to sell for fifty cents on the dollar, but what if that dollar was an unprotected first rounder? If you get a high first rounder for McGrady and you know you can get a guy who is going to be a great scorer I think you might have to do it. Hakeem won his championships later in his career as a dominant post player. McGrady isn't old, but a mature Yao with good role players and a hungry young scorer is more likely to get deep in the playoffs in my mind. The Rockets have a tough road in the playoffs just by being in the West, so you have to wonder how well the Rockets are going to fair as this current roster is composed. I don't think the Rockets will or can make a trade to anywhere near equal value. I just wonder what a young hungry athletic scorer and role players who don't stay on the bench coudl do around a guy like Yao who is starting to become more of a leader. Maybe T-Mac can be to Yao what Clyde was to Hakeem but I don't see it now. So this has been a rambling post, much as title would have suggested since I stole from the some of the greatest comedic ramblers ever. The trade deadline is coming up and I wonder who will be available. Probably neither one of these guys. Quite likely because when it comes to two scorers without Championships most teams have already got one. The Captain signing off...
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Come Down Here and I'll Kick Your Ass
Just some random thoughts... I would really like to know what Ray Felton said to KG at the end of the 'Cats and the Celts game tonight. The tagline up top is about all I can think of, though it is hilarious to see someone looking straight up in order to talk shit. Furthermore, out of all the people to talk shit to KG would not be my choice even though he is a class guy he is about as intense as they come. The crazy look in his eye would be enough for me to let whatever it was slide, especially if my team had already won the game.
Isiah can't even stand to watch the Knicks anymore. He got kicked out of a game where the Knicks were actually hanging around after a night when they had actually won. The Knicks were staying close with the Rockets, sigh, and Zeke decides he doesn't like his seat and heads out onto the court. I think Zeke put the Imperius curse on Dolan. The Knicks were being booed with in the first three minutes of the game tonight. How is David Lee not starting on this team? He was the only guy out there that seems to want to play. The Knicks look like George Romero's basketball team.
Speaking of dead men walking, Hollinger seconded my emotion on the Heat today. Not a hard decision seeing as the have had their asses handed to them in two consecutive games by Minnesota and Milwaukee respectively. The only competent guy on that team that doesn't look a cadaver is Dwayne Wade. Wade ought to sit out the rest of the season and get healthy, maybe he could spend the rest of the season forcing Shaq to work out until the start of next season. He could be Shaq's sponsor AA style.
It is early in the year to talk about Coach of the Year candidates, but Nate McMillan has to be so far in front of the pack right now that it isn't funny. Portland has a young roster that Nate himself wasn't sure would win at the beginning of the season, and as Dusty pointed out if the playoffs started today the Rose Garden would be somewhere that no one wanted to visit. If Oden is half as good as people have hoped and Presti locks some of these guys up, Portland will be romping on the Pacific division faster than you can say Steve Nash is getting old. Portland is fun to watch, and they have guys that are not anywhere close to reaching their Hubie(upside). I think we should say Hubie instead of upside from now on because the man should have trademarked it, and I miss seeing Mr. Burns roaming the sidelines.
I think Steve Francis and Tracy McGrady are trying to outdress each other instead of out playing each other as Rockets fans had hoped. They have some really nice suits and diamond studs that could pay off my student loans. I imagine their conversations being the opposite of the McDonald's value menu commercial where the guys are discussing how much their wardrobe costs.
All-Star voting really needs to change. I am all for this being a showcase for the fans, but something needs to be instituted where people have to have played a certain percentage of the games to be voted into the game. You won't meet a bigger Rockets fan, but Tracy should not start this All-Star game. I would really like to see the guys playing the best basketball in the league playing together, not the prom queen parade showcasing their new shoes. Really, let's think about this do you remember your high school's voting for student council and yearbook titles, the same people won every year even if most people thought they were ass wipes. Granted some of them were decent and deserved to be voted the person that peaked to early, and even fewer of them were actually pretty damn cool. Much like the NBA All-Star game.
This isn't basketball, but does anyone in their right mind not think that Roger Clemens is jack ass, even on the off chance he isn't lying?
On the same kick as the BCS denouncers I am beginning to think the NBA might need to set up a tournament that pits those on the edge in the West against last four teams in the East to qualify for the playoffs, so that the playoffs in both conferences are a dog fight. 9-12 in the West would beat the East's 5-8, and it would not be close. Houston, Utah, the Ball Sacs, and the Paper Clips would only have problems with the Raps. The Hawks might contest, but Jersey and the one man show that is Lebron James would have a rough time with any of the teams not in last place in their division in the West. Put it this way do you want to see a series between New Jersey and Atlanta in May. That's what I thought.
The Captain signing off for now...
Isiah can't even stand to watch the Knicks anymore. He got kicked out of a game where the Knicks were actually hanging around after a night when they had actually won. The Knicks were staying close with the Rockets, sigh, and Zeke decides he doesn't like his seat and heads out onto the court. I think Zeke put the Imperius curse on Dolan. The Knicks were being booed with in the first three minutes of the game tonight. How is David Lee not starting on this team? He was the only guy out there that seems to want to play. The Knicks look like George Romero's basketball team.
Speaking of dead men walking, Hollinger seconded my emotion on the Heat today. Not a hard decision seeing as the have had their asses handed to them in two consecutive games by Minnesota and Milwaukee respectively. The only competent guy on that team that doesn't look a cadaver is Dwayne Wade. Wade ought to sit out the rest of the season and get healthy, maybe he could spend the rest of the season forcing Shaq to work out until the start of next season. He could be Shaq's sponsor AA style.
It is early in the year to talk about Coach of the Year candidates, but Nate McMillan has to be so far in front of the pack right now that it isn't funny. Portland has a young roster that Nate himself wasn't sure would win at the beginning of the season, and as Dusty pointed out if the playoffs started today the Rose Garden would be somewhere that no one wanted to visit. If Oden is half as good as people have hoped and Presti locks some of these guys up, Portland will be romping on the Pacific division faster than you can say Steve Nash is getting old. Portland is fun to watch, and they have guys that are not anywhere close to reaching their Hubie(upside). I think we should say Hubie instead of upside from now on because the man should have trademarked it, and I miss seeing Mr. Burns roaming the sidelines.
I think Steve Francis and Tracy McGrady are trying to outdress each other instead of out playing each other as Rockets fans had hoped. They have some really nice suits and diamond studs that could pay off my student loans. I imagine their conversations being the opposite of the McDonald's value menu commercial where the guys are discussing how much their wardrobe costs.
All-Star voting really needs to change. I am all for this being a showcase for the fans, but something needs to be instituted where people have to have played a certain percentage of the games to be voted into the game. You won't meet a bigger Rockets fan, but Tracy should not start this All-Star game. I would really like to see the guys playing the best basketball in the league playing together, not the prom queen parade showcasing their new shoes. Really, let's think about this do you remember your high school's voting for student council and yearbook titles, the same people won every year even if most people thought they were ass wipes. Granted some of them were decent and deserved to be voted the person that peaked to early, and even fewer of them were actually pretty damn cool. Much like the NBA All-Star game.
This isn't basketball, but does anyone in their right mind not think that Roger Clemens is jack ass, even on the off chance he isn't lying?
On the same kick as the BCS denouncers I am beginning to think the NBA might need to set up a tournament that pits those on the edge in the West against last four teams in the East to qualify for the playoffs, so that the playoffs in both conferences are a dog fight. 9-12 in the West would beat the East's 5-8, and it would not be close. Houston, Utah, the Ball Sacs, and the Paper Clips would only have problems with the Raps. The Hawks might contest, but Jersey and the one man show that is Lebron James would have a rough time with any of the teams not in last place in their division in the West. Put it this way do you want to see a series between New Jersey and Atlanta in May. That's what I thought.
The Captain signing off for now...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Have Stranger Things ACTUALLY Happened?
Since the Captain is kicking my ass in posting, I decided it was high time to get back in the mix here, and by "getting back in the mix" I mean "piggy-backing on his idea because I'm useless."
By the way, I'm breaking out some N*E*R*D for writing music.
(Yes, as a matter of fact I AM the whitest person you'll ever meet.)
250-1: If you're a sports fan at all, then you know that Kobe demanding a trade was one of the biggest sports stories of the summer. The prognosis on the Lakers 2007-2008 season was, well, not good to say the least (by the way, if you just noted that prognosis doesn't exactly fit in the previous sentence then, well, get a job sir). Anyways, their season looked like it was going to be awful. They ran out Kobe (who is a certified bad ass) and a supporting cast of Lamar Odom (meh), Ronny Turiaf (ugh), Chris Mihm (yes, apparently they actually pay him) and the pu pu platter. It seemed the possibility of seeing the Lakers in the playoffs was about as good as seeing Roman Polanski get invited to a girl's thirteenth birthday party. Then all of the sudden...
Andrew Bynum! Apparently they were right to hold on to him. Then you have Jordan Farmar doing for ears what Cyrano de Bergerac did for noses. Seriously, I think those things give him some extra lift.
Now maybe Kobe ultimately doesn't want to be part of a rebuilding project, but is it really a rebuilding project when they have a record like, well, that leads me to my next point.
45-1: Records folks. If I was to ask you (assuming you had a rudimentary knowledge of the league but hadn't seen any games this season) to rank these teams based on where you'd think they'd be sitting record wise, how would you rank the following?
Lakers, Jazz, Hornets, Nuggets, Trailblazers, Mavericks, Suns, Spurs
Would you have expected in to look like this from the top of the conference down?
1. (tie) Spurs/Suns
2. (tie) Mavs/Hornets
3. Lakers
4. Nuggets
5. Blazers
6. Jazz
Crazy, right? The young teams have really come out to play this season in a way that people weren't expecting (myself included). Houston, a preseason favorite, has essentially crapped the bed. The top of the conference is about what you'd expect (Spurs, Suns, Mavs) but did anyone expect Hornets, Lakers and Blazers to not only be in it, but nipping on the big dogs' heels?
This turn of events seemed about as likely as seeing Mark Foley coaching a high school wrestling team.
70-1: Maybe this is out of order, but whatever. First of all, serious props to one of our four loyal readers, Tnilk, for pointing out the following surprising statistics:
11 Seasons, per 40 minutes averages: Points - 27.2 Rebounds - 5.2 Assists - 5.0
9 Seasons, per 40 minutes averages: Points - 25.0 Rebounds - 6.9 Assists - 4.1
The first player is Kobe Bryant. Guess who the second player is.
No really. Guess.
Paul Pierce.
Does this mean we need to reconsider Paul Pierce's career? I don't think you'd find a lot of people who think he sucks or anything, but that's his numbers compared to a player from his own era, a guy that a lot of people call the best player in the league. I suppose if the Truth gets himself an 81 point game then we can officially start the discussion.
(thanks to www.basketball-reference.com for the stats)
These stats seemed less likely than the possibility of the release of "Chinese Democracy."
1-230: The Knicks suck. Isiah Thomas is still their coach. David Stern is sitting idly by while James Dolan runs one of the most profitable franchises all the way through to China.
James Dolan as owner. Zeke as coach and GM. This is what we call the 7-2 off suit or as a friend of mine calls it, Operation Iraqi Freedom. Just a bad idea all around.
-Dusty
By the way, I'm breaking out some N*E*R*D for writing music.
(Yes, as a matter of fact I AM the whitest person you'll ever meet.)
250-1: If you're a sports fan at all, then you know that Kobe demanding a trade was one of the biggest sports stories of the summer. The prognosis on the Lakers 2007-2008 season was, well, not good to say the least (by the way, if you just noted that prognosis doesn't exactly fit in the previous sentence then, well, get a job sir). Anyways, their season looked like it was going to be awful. They ran out Kobe (who is a certified bad ass) and a supporting cast of Lamar Odom (meh), Ronny Turiaf (ugh), Chris Mihm (yes, apparently they actually pay him) and the pu pu platter. It seemed the possibility of seeing the Lakers in the playoffs was about as good as seeing Roman Polanski get invited to a girl's thirteenth birthday party. Then all of the sudden...
Andrew Bynum! Apparently they were right to hold on to him. Then you have Jordan Farmar doing for ears what Cyrano de Bergerac did for noses. Seriously, I think those things give him some extra lift.
Now maybe Kobe ultimately doesn't want to be part of a rebuilding project, but is it really a rebuilding project when they have a record like, well, that leads me to my next point.
45-1: Records folks. If I was to ask you (assuming you had a rudimentary knowledge of the league but hadn't seen any games this season) to rank these teams based on where you'd think they'd be sitting record wise, how would you rank the following?
Lakers, Jazz, Hornets, Nuggets, Trailblazers, Mavericks, Suns, Spurs
Would you have expected in to look like this from the top of the conference down?
1. (tie) Spurs/Suns
2. (tie) Mavs/Hornets
3. Lakers
4. Nuggets
5. Blazers
6. Jazz
Crazy, right? The young teams have really come out to play this season in a way that people weren't expecting (myself included). Houston, a preseason favorite, has essentially crapped the bed. The top of the conference is about what you'd expect (Spurs, Suns, Mavs) but did anyone expect Hornets, Lakers and Blazers to not only be in it, but nipping on the big dogs' heels?
This turn of events seemed about as likely as seeing Mark Foley coaching a high school wrestling team.
70-1: Maybe this is out of order, but whatever. First of all, serious props to one of our four loyal readers, Tnilk, for pointing out the following surprising statistics:
11 Seasons, per 40 minutes averages: Points - 27.2 Rebounds - 5.2 Assists - 5.0
9 Seasons, per 40 minutes averages: Points - 25.0 Rebounds - 6.9 Assists - 4.1
The first player is Kobe Bryant. Guess who the second player is.
No really. Guess.
Paul Pierce.
Does this mean we need to reconsider Paul Pierce's career? I don't think you'd find a lot of people who think he sucks or anything, but that's his numbers compared to a player from his own era, a guy that a lot of people call the best player in the league. I suppose if the Truth gets himself an 81 point game then we can officially start the discussion.
(thanks to www.basketball-reference.com for the stats)
These stats seemed less likely than the possibility of the release of "Chinese Democracy."
1-230: The Knicks suck. Isiah Thomas is still their coach. David Stern is sitting idly by while James Dolan runs one of the most profitable franchises all the way through to China.
James Dolan as owner. Zeke as coach and GM. This is what we call the 7-2 off suit or as a friend of mine calls it, Operation Iraqi Freedom. Just a bad idea all around.
-Dusty
Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut!
The life of a professional basketball player has to be rough, all the money and the sex magnet appeal of being a professional athlete just has to be taxing. It's why people crack and can't quite make it in the league sometimes. They have to run home and cry themselves to sleep on their huge ass piles of money if they haven't spent it all on commodities with no equity (that's a fancy way of saying drugs, cars that no one else would want, and making it rain). Though he is not in the NBA, we are going to commemorate Mike Vick's trip to Leavenworth, Kansas with the first round of the NBA's all crazy team. And yes I realize that I didn't finish the Star Wars and Back to the Future article yet, but whatever. Let me go through the qualifications for this team.
1) the person must have an innate desire to self-destruct in such a way that since we as people without millions of dollars and with a few shreds of dignity cannot understand their need to do things that make no sense at all.
2) simple violations of the law don't count. They have to be compounded like Vick testing positive for pot after knowing that he was going to be pissed tested far enough in advance to clean out his system. In fact law breaking is not even necessary, there just has to be a large "what the fuck? factor" in discussing the person's actions. Kind of like one of the hottest girls you know dating an abusive asshole even though she knows she is slumming it. If you can look at the person and say why then we are in the ball park.
3) Said person had to have enough talent that you genuinely were intrigued by theri craziness. They could have been or were good enough to play at a level that sane players covet.
And with this I give you the Captain's version of the all crazy team!!!I apologize for the era specific selections, but these guys deserve it. I might need to amends this and maybe use the Delorean one more time and go back and write this in 1996. This team would have competed for the Larry O'Brien trophy in 1996. Two members went to the final that year. So maybe this is the All-Crazy starting five in 1996. This makes the selections almost irrefutable.
Point Guard: This one was a toss up, but I am going for bang for your buck and getting a tweener quarter back here because let's be honest know one in their right mind would want to distribute the ball on this team.Unless it was 1996 and this would have been a hell of a starting five. The inaugural member is Mad Max. Vernon Maxwell went into the stands for a fan beatdown long before Ron Artest graduated from scaring the shit out of AAU kids. Vernon was a master of giving oponents the stink eye, in some ways I think Capt'n Jack stole a page from Mad Max... both have rings. Not a bad start for the team.
Shooting Guard: Latrell Sprewell- This guy has more kids to feed than Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp combined. Not actually, but he is responsible for one of the most memorable quotes of all time concerning feeding children after rejecting a contract worth several million a year. We haven't even got to the part where he decides to choke his boss. I guess we just did though. It isn't that I haven't thought about choking various bosses over the years, but there was a certain amount of what's that word? Restraint. That's it restraint. When I wanted to choke my boss I was mopping up hurl and lung butter and slinging ranch dressing, and living below the poverty line. Spree was making millions and playing a game for a living. I also love Spree's broken hand incident on his yacht. There should have been an Unsolved Mysteries episode about this Robert Stack talking about metacarpals.
Small Forward:Isiah Rider- J.R. scored, and scored in bunches. He made an over the back half court shot while in Portland that literally brought me out of my chair and made me want to practice throwing a basketball over my shoulder while twisting toward the basket from forty feet away. I broke a window. J.R. got charged with false imprisonment. Look at his stats ( http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/r/rideris01.html ). Even they are pschizzed out, the way his scoring average fluctuates makes Congressional voting records look consistent. I am not sure how a guy that had this kind of jaw-dropping talent just decides to check out mentally to the point that no team will take a chance on him.
Power Forward:Shawn Kemp- I know it isn't cool to make fun of addiction, but that really isn't the point. Look at this from a purely logical standpoint, how does a professional athlete taking coke gain enough weight that he can't jump anymore. Kemp jumped so high in the 95-96 Finals that his went over the top of the square on the backboard. Dwight Howard hops. Team USA wouldn't include Kemp because they were worried about how he was conducting himself. One of the top ten players at the time in the NBA, and there were concerns that he would cause an international incident. Team USA has been anchored by Allen Iverson. Wow. Kemp's aversion to birth control has already been noted. The thing with the Reign Man is that his talent level can be most closely compared to Amare Stoudemire. If you didn't watch him with the Sonics, or with his first season in Cleveland he was that good. He did make admirable progress in comeback attempts, but I am going with a time period approach. At one period in time he was one of the best players in basketball and people honestly had no idea what he was going to do next.
Center:Ok we are taking the All-Star game approach. The next guy couldn't be left off the team and could play center though giving up some size better than Ben Wallace in his prime. Another former Piston, I am talking about none other than the WORM. If your teammates and friends nickname you the Worm you know that there is something going on here. Dennis Rodman was the best rebounder in basketball for years, and this is when Charles Barkley was in the league. For the record Barkley isn't crazy, he is just an asshole who happens to be right most of the time and the greatest player to play without a ring to show for it. Rodman though... he married Madonna. Long after anyone thought she was like a virgin. To bring Doc Brown back into this I would love to have a time machine and go back to see all of David Robinson's responses to Rodman when they played in the same front court. Can you see conversations between Rodman and Avery Johnson. This might be the single most regrettable missed opportunity for a reality show in sports history.
This starting five might have been a bit of a hodge podge as far as size, but it would have been a cornacopia of crazy. The things is if you look at this time period and their ability to play this team would have been crazy good. I hate myself for that pun. This is the Captain siging off for now...
1) the person must have an innate desire to self-destruct in such a way that since we as people without millions of dollars and with a few shreds of dignity cannot understand their need to do things that make no sense at all.
2) simple violations of the law don't count. They have to be compounded like Vick testing positive for pot after knowing that he was going to be pissed tested far enough in advance to clean out his system. In fact law breaking is not even necessary, there just has to be a large "what the fuck? factor" in discussing the person's actions. Kind of like one of the hottest girls you know dating an abusive asshole even though she knows she is slumming it. If you can look at the person and say why then we are in the ball park.
3) Said person had to have enough talent that you genuinely were intrigued by theri craziness. They could have been or were good enough to play at a level that sane players covet.
And with this I give you the Captain's version of the all crazy team!!!I apologize for the era specific selections, but these guys deserve it. I might need to amends this and maybe use the Delorean one more time and go back and write this in 1996. This team would have competed for the Larry O'Brien trophy in 1996. Two members went to the final that year. So maybe this is the All-Crazy starting five in 1996. This makes the selections almost irrefutable.
Point Guard: This one was a toss up, but I am going for bang for your buck and getting a tweener quarter back here because let's be honest know one in their right mind would want to distribute the ball on this team.Unless it was 1996 and this would have been a hell of a starting five. The inaugural member is Mad Max. Vernon Maxwell went into the stands for a fan beatdown long before Ron Artest graduated from scaring the shit out of AAU kids. Vernon was a master of giving oponents the stink eye, in some ways I think Capt'n Jack stole a page from Mad Max... both have rings. Not a bad start for the team.
Shooting Guard: Latrell Sprewell- This guy has more kids to feed than Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp combined. Not actually, but he is responsible for one of the most memorable quotes of all time concerning feeding children after rejecting a contract worth several million a year. We haven't even got to the part where he decides to choke his boss. I guess we just did though. It isn't that I haven't thought about choking various bosses over the years, but there was a certain amount of what's that word? Restraint. That's it restraint. When I wanted to choke my boss I was mopping up hurl and lung butter and slinging ranch dressing, and living below the poverty line. Spree was making millions and playing a game for a living. I also love Spree's broken hand incident on his yacht. There should have been an Unsolved Mysteries episode about this Robert Stack talking about metacarpals.
Small Forward:Isiah Rider- J.R. scored, and scored in bunches. He made an over the back half court shot while in Portland that literally brought me out of my chair and made me want to practice throwing a basketball over my shoulder while twisting toward the basket from forty feet away. I broke a window. J.R. got charged with false imprisonment. Look at his stats ( http://www.basketball-reference.com/players/r/rideris01.html ). Even they are pschizzed out, the way his scoring average fluctuates makes Congressional voting records look consistent. I am not sure how a guy that had this kind of jaw-dropping talent just decides to check out mentally to the point that no team will take a chance on him.
Power Forward:Shawn Kemp- I know it isn't cool to make fun of addiction, but that really isn't the point. Look at this from a purely logical standpoint, how does a professional athlete taking coke gain enough weight that he can't jump anymore. Kemp jumped so high in the 95-96 Finals that his went over the top of the square on the backboard. Dwight Howard hops. Team USA wouldn't include Kemp because they were worried about how he was conducting himself. One of the top ten players at the time in the NBA, and there were concerns that he would cause an international incident. Team USA has been anchored by Allen Iverson. Wow. Kemp's aversion to birth control has already been noted. The thing with the Reign Man is that his talent level can be most closely compared to Amare Stoudemire. If you didn't watch him with the Sonics, or with his first season in Cleveland he was that good. He did make admirable progress in comeback attempts, but I am going with a time period approach. At one period in time he was one of the best players in basketball and people honestly had no idea what he was going to do next.
Center:Ok we are taking the All-Star game approach. The next guy couldn't be left off the team and could play center though giving up some size better than Ben Wallace in his prime. Another former Piston, I am talking about none other than the WORM. If your teammates and friends nickname you the Worm you know that there is something going on here. Dennis Rodman was the best rebounder in basketball for years, and this is when Charles Barkley was in the league. For the record Barkley isn't crazy, he is just an asshole who happens to be right most of the time and the greatest player to play without a ring to show for it. Rodman though... he married Madonna. Long after anyone thought she was like a virgin. To bring Doc Brown back into this I would love to have a time machine and go back to see all of David Robinson's responses to Rodman when they played in the same front court. Can you see conversations between Rodman and Avery Johnson. This might be the single most regrettable missed opportunity for a reality show in sports history.
This starting five might have been a bit of a hodge podge as far as size, but it would have been a cornacopia of crazy. The things is if you look at this time period and their ability to play this team would have been crazy good. I hate myself for that pun. This is the Captain siging off for now...
Sunday, January 6, 2008
That's not TRUE! THAT"S IMPOSSIBLE!
Let's pretend Doc Brown shows up flux capacitor a kicking and says, "Captain! You have to come with me, it's about the future." Doc Brown takes me to Vegas (after scolding me for things that I should have known would have happened in 2007), and says alright you have to place these bets. This assumes that the bookies didn't laugh at you as you attempted to place the following bets... The pay-offs are as follows.
100-1: The Celtics would threaten the Bulls single season winning percentage through thirty plus games. I have already stated my confusion, but shit I can't believe this. Kevin McHale making Danny Ainge a GM of the year cnadidate, which stems from a bet made in the mid-80's involving McHale's first born and a lifetime supply of those Sears sweaters, and Clay Bennet doing his damndest to move the Sonics to OKC have something to do with this. However, their record still would have made me think that Zemeckis had gone even farther back in time and had caused the previous bet involving McHale's sweater collection, along with a bet involving David Stern's mustache at the time and getting the Celtics back to the top with a series of trades that would never happen.
99-1: The Trailblazers are ten games over .500 after winning the lottery. The Trailblazers are ten games over after losing that pick to an injury in the pre-season. This team is fun to watch, as Dusty and I have both said. They are also pretty damn good, and that means that they could be pretty damn great if Pritchard can keep all the kiddies in Oregon.
75-1: Someone over acts three movies even more than the title line was emoted through Mark Hamill. Thanks Haden. Just kidding, it will still be a basketball bet. That bet is that Shaq and Wade would fall this far... this fast. I figured this would happen, but after Shaq did a whole show on being in shape this summer I didn't think he would play through this season like he was went to south Florida looking for that thing from Cocoon. The Heat are in salary cap purgatory for the next three years. What were the odds that three years after that trade that Caron Butler would be playing at the highest level of any player involved? This collapse was inevitable, but the speed at which this heap started sucking ass was a light speed jump.
50-1: The Rockets hire Rick Adelman to replace Jeff Van Gundy and their offense becomes even more inconsistent. Followed by the Rockets most successful backcourts of the season consisting of guys on the team last year and a late first rounder after acquiring Mike James and the artist formerly known as Stevie Franchise. The Rockets inconsistency isn;t surprising given teh coacing change, but the areas in which they are inconsistent are baffling at times. They don't play defense for multiple possessions in a row. They aren't spoon feeding Yao. The coaching change and a fight to a first half five hundred not as big of a deal as the way T-Mac seems to be handling this and his leg injury. T-Mac being moody and hurt is almost as sure of a bet as J.R. Rider violating his probation.
30-1: Capt'n Jack being a viable MVP candidate. Just look at the Warriors record with him and with out him during his suspension, and their record to date. This isn't as silly as the other notions would have been to this point given last year's playoffs and the fact that Jax has won a ring.
25-1: The Hawks draft the right player with their first pick. This would be higher, but they were due, and they still picked a forward. Horford is legit though, and he was the only pick the Hawks could have made that impacted them immediately. The Hawks choosing wisely with Acie Law as the next pick will pay off too. Usually this front office avoids talent in drafts.
10-1: Scott Skiles is gone. The Bulls were good last year. They are not this year. Skiles was part of the problem though.
5-1: Isaih Thomas still has his job, despite losing a lawsuit. If only I could get paid to succeed at such a low percentage at an annual of six figures over a few years.
To be continued....
100-1: The Celtics would threaten the Bulls single season winning percentage through thirty plus games. I have already stated my confusion, but shit I can't believe this. Kevin McHale making Danny Ainge a GM of the year cnadidate, which stems from a bet made in the mid-80's involving McHale's first born and a lifetime supply of those Sears sweaters, and Clay Bennet doing his damndest to move the Sonics to OKC have something to do with this. However, their record still would have made me think that Zemeckis had gone even farther back in time and had caused the previous bet involving McHale's sweater collection, along with a bet involving David Stern's mustache at the time and getting the Celtics back to the top with a series of trades that would never happen.
99-1: The Trailblazers are ten games over .500 after winning the lottery. The Trailblazers are ten games over after losing that pick to an injury in the pre-season. This team is fun to watch, as Dusty and I have both said. They are also pretty damn good, and that means that they could be pretty damn great if Pritchard can keep all the kiddies in Oregon.
75-1: Someone over acts three movies even more than the title line was emoted through Mark Hamill. Thanks Haden. Just kidding, it will still be a basketball bet. That bet is that Shaq and Wade would fall this far... this fast. I figured this would happen, but after Shaq did a whole show on being in shape this summer I didn't think he would play through this season like he was went to south Florida looking for that thing from Cocoon. The Heat are in salary cap purgatory for the next three years. What were the odds that three years after that trade that Caron Butler would be playing at the highest level of any player involved? This collapse was inevitable, but the speed at which this heap started sucking ass was a light speed jump.
50-1: The Rockets hire Rick Adelman to replace Jeff Van Gundy and their offense becomes even more inconsistent. Followed by the Rockets most successful backcourts of the season consisting of guys on the team last year and a late first rounder after acquiring Mike James and the artist formerly known as Stevie Franchise. The Rockets inconsistency isn;t surprising given teh coacing change, but the areas in which they are inconsistent are baffling at times. They don't play defense for multiple possessions in a row. They aren't spoon feeding Yao. The coaching change and a fight to a first half five hundred not as big of a deal as the way T-Mac seems to be handling this and his leg injury. T-Mac being moody and hurt is almost as sure of a bet as J.R. Rider violating his probation.
30-1: Capt'n Jack being a viable MVP candidate. Just look at the Warriors record with him and with out him during his suspension, and their record to date. This isn't as silly as the other notions would have been to this point given last year's playoffs and the fact that Jax has won a ring.
25-1: The Hawks draft the right player with their first pick. This would be higher, but they were due, and they still picked a forward. Horford is legit though, and he was the only pick the Hawks could have made that impacted them immediately. The Hawks choosing wisely with Acie Law as the next pick will pay off too. Usually this front office avoids talent in drafts.
10-1: Scott Skiles is gone. The Bulls were good last year. They are not this year. Skiles was part of the problem though.
5-1: Isaih Thomas still has his job, despite losing a lawsuit. If only I could get paid to succeed at such a low percentage at an annual of six figures over a few years.
To be continued....
Thursday, January 3, 2008
We are still intermittent, but bare with us we will be back full force as the New Year really gets kicking. It's not like anybody pays us for this shit right? Happy New Year though. Hope the holidays were fantastic for you. I enter the New Year with a question... Do I hate Boston Celtics? or should I love them since KG is one of the best and has been working his ass off for years to get where he potentially could go now. It took thirty games, but I think they might be legit contenders. That statement including a might is silly since they are 27-3. They lose once every ten games; check the math 9-1 on wins and losses.Last year they would have lost to the Washington Generals on a good day. I am confused because hating big market teams when they are good is obligatory if you do not reside in the that area, but I really like Allen, Pierce, and Garnett. I have watched them all since the beginning of their careers and now they are all on a team that I know I should dislike if they are good. I don't have problem hating the Patriots even though I don't care about the NFL that much. The Red Sox are the new Yankees in most ways, though baseball matters about as much as hockey after a strike and the steroids bullshit. Only one player of note escapes scrutiny in the period preceding us in baseball, and that is Griffey, Jr. He escapes scrutiny because he has aged normally. Back to the issue at hand though, you have to root against NY, LA, Boston, and maybe Chicago if you are not from one of these places. I give a maybe to Chicago beacause I really like the place and hated the Bulls only because I was the only person in America waiting for 23 to lose. He had to leave before the Dream could get a portion of his due. Should I hate the Celtics, they seem to me too Jerry Bruckheimer with the 3 superstars and a rehashed nickname, but then again I did like the Transformers movie... I am beginning to wonder where the foundations for my beliefs have gone. A soft spot for Pierce is there because of Big 12 affiliations and the way he gunned when the Celtics were hopeless. Allen has never been threatening and plays the game the right way. KG is KG, and there is not any reason to discuss wishing this man the best on the court if you actually like basketball. I still feel like slime rooting for the Celts though. Tommy Heinshon makes it worse. So does Bill Walton. So does anyone who refers to the new team as the big 3. I don't know if it is enough for me to want to see them lose though. This is starting to feel like a dear Abbey letter. Anyway, this is the Captain signing off for now...
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