A Little Home Cookin'

Does hatred derive from jealousy? Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time. So does this mean I hate the Boston Celtics because I'm jealous of them? Well, I'm glad you asked.

A couple of years ago the Captain and I had a discussion about whether or not it was appropriate to hate the Boston Celtics even though they sucked. I'm sure I have made reference to that conversation in this space before, but I'm going to do it again. I suppose I can't speak for others, but I know a teams historic level of success usually comes into play in regards to how much I hate them. I hate the Yankees because they've won so many times. I don't hate the Mets. Why? Because they suck.

Hating the Boston Celtics until this year seemed to be something reserved for old Lakers fans. The Celtics weren't very good. Well, that might be putting it lightly. They sucked. Sure they had some success in the East, but that's like coming in first in a race at the amputee games. Sure you placed well, but you beat a bunch of dudes who don't have two legs. Good job, but you'd still lose a race to Michael Johnson, and he's old now.

Boston does have sixteen titles, but their last one came in 1986. It's coming up on the 20th anniversary for that win (for those of you keeping score at home). Suddenly after a very shady trade for KG (second this season only to the Pau trade, and they both rank in the top five all time shady trades) they have emerged as a title favorite with a starting five that includes Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and the aforementioned Mr. Garnett.

So why are they suddenly so damned popular again while no one seems to give a shit about the San Antonio Spurs? Let's break it down.

Point Guard: Tony Parker vs. Rajon Rondo

Parker is a former all star, NBA Finals MVP, (bad) rapper, French, and he's banging one of the hottest thirty-somethings on the planet.

Rondo. Well...Rondo. He briefly attended the University of Kentucky, and it's his second season in the league.

Advantage: I'd say Rondo (due to Parker being French and all), but Rondo is a nobody, and is probably destined to get annihilated by a good point guard like Chris Paul in the Finals. PUSH

Shooting Guard: Manu Ginobili vs Ray Allen

Ginobili is the leading scorer on the Spurs, Gold-medal winning leader of the Argentine National Team, Three time NBA champ, professional flopper, whirling dervish in the lane, and likely the most cold-blooded assassin year in and out on one of the NBA's best teams

Allen is one of the best shooters in the league. He can on occasion show flashes of his brilliance and slashing in the lane, but his 32 year old and reconstructed ankles limit this greatly. Definitely the kind of guy that makes you nervous when he shoots from downtown in a big game.

Advantage: Ginobili. Allen isn't quite the player he used to be. Manu looks as good or better than ever.

Small Forward: Bruce Bowen vs. Paul Pierce

Bowen is one of the league's best perimeter defenders. He used to be the uncontested best, but he's lost a step. Known for some "questionable" tactics (stepping under shooters, etc.) Deadly with the three-ball from the corner (either side).

Pierce is one of the best players in the league. I've previously outlined how his statistics match up frighteningly with Kobe's. He's one of the greatest players to ever done the Jayhawk uniform...this argument is silly.

Advantage: Pierce. I mean, duh.

Power Forward: Tim Duncan vs. KG

Tim Duncan has four NBA titles. Two league MVPs. Three Finals MVPs. A sweet bank shot. A degree in psychology from Wake Forrest. Oh yeah, he's also widely (and accurately) considered to be the best all around power forward, EVER.

Kevin Garnett has a league MVP. He's the fiercest competitor in the NBA (with all due respect to Allen Iverson). He absolutely never gives up in a game or anywhere, and he's won absolutely nothing.

Advantage: Duncan

Centers: Fabricio Oberto vs. Kendrick Perkins

meh

Advantage: Both guys are just there for rebounds and D. PUSH

Bench: Now remember, I'm debating the likeability of these teams, not necessarily the talent.

Celtics: Likeable E.T. look-alike in Sam Cassell. Genuine stiffs in Scot Pollard and Brian Scalabrine. Genuine thug in James Posey (and I mean THUG, just ask the Bulls). Genuine gastric-bypass candidate in Glen Davis.

Spurs: Old guys. Nobody particularly hate-able (nobody hates Robert Horry for hockey checking Steve Nash except Suns fans) A group of guys you could like if they were your team.

Advantage: Spurs

Jersey:

Celtics very class Green and White.

Spurs very traditional Black and White and Silver.

Advantage: Celtics. It's just a cooler jersey.

Home cities:

Boston: Great tradition of basketball. Gets cold as balls in the winter. Part of pretentious New England (don't forget, they think they're better than you). Destined to see people wearing Red Sox gear to games.

San Antonio: Great support for the team (due largely to the fact that they have nothing else). Tourist city because the weather is always nice (you can wear shorts to a game in February). Bad place to live if you share Glen Davis' lust for fatty foods. Nice people (You're not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway). Destined to see people wearing Dallas Cowboys gear to games.

Advantage: Even I'm willing to admit I'm too biased to pick this one.


Look, in an era where the NBA is relatively scandal free, this should be a time when the country comes back to basketball. One of the long-standing complaints was that the NBA was full of thugs, so why do people avoid the Spurs? They win (casual fans love cheering for a winner). They have young, fast, exciting players (Parker and Ginobili). They have a management team that intentional avoids guys with character issues. They aren't boring either (people who still say this just don't watch them, that's it. In 2003 and even 2005 they would've been right, but not anymore). So why do all the bandwagon fans on social networking sites run to cheer for a team with one bona-fide thug (Posey) and another testy player with a history of mixing it up (Pierce)?

Because people are fucking hypocrites. That's why.


-Dusty


P.S. You were due for at least one post that reeked of "homer"