I'm Back Baby!

Ok, I'm calmer now. It only took a week and a half, but I can watch games again. I can tell myself that I knew we were supposed to lose that series without Yao in the middle. I know that Tracy played really well, even though he had multiple surgeries shortly after the series ended. I know that Utah is getting their ass kicked right now, which confuses me. I am not sure which team I dislike more. LA or Utah? So, alright folks I am going to tackle that and other questions as I ramble on for thousands of words and make up for lost time in this post.

LA or Utah? My hatred for the Lakers is well chronicled. They are good again, and that gives me even more of a reason to hate them. The Kobe turn around in demeanor wreaks of the crazy grilfriend scenario. When it's good, damn it's good. When it's bad, damn it's bad. If the Lakers fall off, which doesn't look likely, I expect Kobe to not be such a nice guy any more. The problem are is they don't look like they will be bad again anytime soon. So, Utah... as a Rockets fan you have to hate Utah. If you don't then you haven't been watching long enough. Here's the thing, Stockton and Malone were the face of that franchise for a long time,and they were two of the dirtiest superstars ever. Not too mention having to worry about a wardrobe malfunction with Stockton's shorts. On top of that Jeff Hornacek's hair made Jimmy Johnson's hair product usage look mild. It's was like he played with a helmet on during the games. So why should hate this incarnation of the Jazz? Not only have they knocked my team out two years in a row... They have the same coach and you can see everyone of the players on that team falling into the role of a former Jazz player on the previous Jerry Sloan teams. If a player doesn't fit in Sloan's system he makes them cry and question their ability, see AK. One of the biggest wastes of talent in the league from a guy that people consistently call a COY candiddate. Speaking of that award

Byron Scott was on my short list. He deserved this award as much as anyone this year. The Hornets have mollywhopped the Spurs twice. As pointed out on ESPN.com the Spurs have looked old this series. If Dusty was close enough he would already be throwing things at me, but honestly he and every other Spurs fan have to hope that they find something cooking at home. The likelihood of that is getting less everyday. Never underestimate the problems with depending on a Frenchmen to sack up and stop one of the toughest players in the league. Parker needs to step up and run Chris Paul at the other end of the floor. Attack Paul until to the poin that he gets tired, and trap him often in the backcourt. Get the ball out of his hands as much as you can if you are the Spurs. Chris Paul is Santa Anna, and he is about to burn the Alamo down. If you aren't from Texas (then your readership is surprising) let me remind you that the folks in San Antonio got slaughtered in that particular battle. Right now the Spurs are crapping in the Riverwalk. Good luck tonight Dusty.

Detroit and Orlando... Any series where a clock malfunction gets most of the attention is a bad sign, but if Chauncey Billups is out I think this becomes a very difficult series to win for Detroit. Which allay the nightmares that I have had about Detroit actually making it to the finals. Can you get excited about a Pistons and anybody finals? That's what I thought. At least the Magic would be a new group of faces getting their asses kicked in pursuit of a championship.

Speaking of old faces that don't need to make the finals. Last year's visitors to the big stage from Cleveland really need to be swept out of the playoffs because they don't deserve another game after what had to be one of the worst four minutes of any game this season in the Boston and Cleveland game 2. In my opinion they should not have even gotten to the second round. Papa Johns was right to print up the crybaby t-shirts. Cleveland needs a coach who pretends to draw up go to plays instead of admitting that his only plan is to give Lebron the ball and let him free lance. Even Jay-Z has a beat written down before he goes into the recording booth. There's a comparison Lebron can appreciate.

As for the team on the other side of that series. They went seven with Atlanta. I don't need to say anything more, other than Doc Rivers might have less of a plan than Mike Brown.

That's the playoffs, and now for what is already an interesting off season:

Watching the Mavs lose was nice. Almost as good as if they had slipped out of the playoffs entirely. New Orleans dumped the goods on the Mavs and showed that they might really be the best team in the Southwest Division. That might actually be decided by an intriguing playoff match-up. The Ponies failure solidifies the Kidd trade, the silver lining if your a Ponies fan is that Kidd's contract will be a huge trade chip next season. The Ponies could turn that into a nucleus of young draft picks and prospects that Cubicles could get nervous about and trade away for another has been. That's right I am rubbing it in, but really would you expect less. Avery is gone, maybe you can hire Bob Knight and see if he chokes Dirk. Oh, wait you are going to hire Rick Carlisle. Another coach who will continue to try to make this team slow down the defense and pound the ball. He has also done a good job of keeping the Pacers on track professionally over the last few years, wait a minute... Are you envisioning Dirk slipping into the abyss of non-superstardom Jermaine O'Neal style under Carlisle's thumb? I sure can.

The Suns are letting Mike D'Antoni talk to other teams. Phoenix has no chance of hiring a coach that is going to make them any better than D'Antoni has. Simmons wrote a good column on the Suns recently, but let's play this out for a second. What in the hell are they going to do? Who wants that job? I have to coach a team with roster that fits together like the cast of whatever Real World cast fought alot more than the others (I am not Chuck Klosterman, and I am catually proud that I cannot identify any season of the Real World or Road Rules).I really don't think there is a coach that Steve Kerr is going to find that will be able to get this team playing well together for an entire season next season. And the other question is which Shaq will show up? The Big Rejuvenated or the Big Slow Malcontent? The Shaq trade is rough for PHX fans, and the only possible way to make next season work is to figure out a way to sit Shaq for at least 25 games next year, kind of like the Rockets need to do with Yao.

The Captain signing off for now...