50 reasons to watch the NBA; Almost there, almost there, almost there...

It started with an elipsis, you know who is posting faithful readers. I address you waiting for November for two reasons. The first of course being that basketball season will be up and running now. The second being that this damn election will be over, I don't want to get off on a rant here... Wait, I actually don't want to rant about the second thing here. I am just fucking tired of it. Back to the first thing, things that I would like to see or will see during the upcoming basketball season (without talking about Ron Artest or the Rockets much):

1) Pop keeps his rocking beard. He makes Grizzly Adams look vagtastic. Wait, isn't that the new yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis is promoting...

2) Andrew Bogut high fives himself in all 82 games...

3) That someone in the NBA this season has an 80 point game...

4) Chris Kaman appears in one of those Snickers commercials with the viking and the pilgrim, or in one of those Geico Caveman commercials...

5)That Gerald Green makes an NBA roster and turns into the next Gerald Wallace. I really wish this even as a Rockets fan, as long as it doesn't happen while he is on the Mavericks roster. Speaking of...

6) Watching the Mavericks not make the playoffs this year with Jason Kidd looking like a point guard with court vision rivaling anyone who has ever played with the speed of a Geo Metro...

7) Yelling, "That's not true! That's impossible!" Everytime Adam Morrison looks like he deserved to be drafted that high, given that he might actually be halthy this year...

8) Watching Greg Oden play. No really, I want to see him play. Don't really have a joke here that doesn't involve wondering whether or not his likeness on the bobble head night in Portland for Oden will have a microfacture scar on it...

9) Making way too many fart jokes about the OKC Thunder, even though it would have been cooler if they were the Wind...

10) Josh Childress updates. This was a mistake, a huge mistake, unless of course the dollar continues to slip...

11) Seeing who will be the next, "oh shit we cut that guy decision..." Kelenna Azkubuike style, pretty sure I mispelled his name for the millionth time, even though the Rockets let him go and it should be burned into my fucking memory...

12) Making up new nick names for people. First one, Richard Jefferson, Jefferson Airplane. You think it sucks? If you can tolerate Chris Berman than you have no fucking room to talk...

13) Waiting for David Stern to grow that bitchin' mustache back. Orange Undergroud...

14) Seeing if Carlos Boozer feels the same way about tricking Mormons as he does blind people...

15) Watching the Suns try to slow it down enough for the Shaq trade to not look like complete shit. And hoping that Shaq has another show in which a little kid farts on him...

16) Speaking of the Suns, watching Mike D's Knicks score over a hundred points a game, and still lose at least 40 games...

17) Watching both of the Lopez brothers compete respectively for the Sam Bowie and Brian Scalabrine roles on their respective teams. This really can't go well...

18) Watching the Mavericks miss the playoffs because Dirk Nowitzki eats too much of that Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt...

19) Waiting for Josh Howard to sign a contract with Cowboys after the Mavericks cut him for conduct detrimental to the team...

20) Trades, this should be a busy trade season with good role players and teams doing their best to get under the cap for '10. Things won't go this badly for someone since Tim Duncan resigned with the Spurs and killed at least three teams plans for the future...

21) Vince Carter further dragging down his reputation and someone still trading for him, and wondering why they did it next season or later this season...

22) Having something to watch besides football. No seriously...

23) I realize the last point doesn't give credit to the World Series, but that is only seven games. Even still, those games take too long on TV. Basketball is the best TV sport on air period. This will be affirmed again this season...

24) Watching a close Western Conference race, again...

25) Watching the Nuggets dismantle...

26) Watching Mike Dunleavy pull the rest of his hair out as Baron Davis shoots thirty footers...

27) Wishing I could see the Christmas Card that Baron Davis sends (or doesn't) to Elton Brand...

28) Seeing the Christmas card that Yi and Chinese government send to Herb Kohl...

29) Yelling at my TV, and really meaning it...

30) Watching Dusty break TV remotes, it has happened before...

31) Seeing Mo Williams out running the rest of the Cav's ceptin' Bron. This could be a weird team. Shooters spreading the floor, Wally, Boobie, and Mo... and still having a shit team that makes it to the East finals...

32) Another member of the Redeem team, I really wish I hadn't used that term, D-Wade knock the shit out of opponenets and whip the young Beasley into shape that his talent deserves...

33) The question is do the Heat let the man with the ugliest shot in the world go as a FA or do they trade him to a team looking for cap relief...

34) Figuring out where Ben Gordon goes, I think this could be a huge trade for a good team...

35) Ditto, just insert Sheed...

36) Listening to people talk about how the Toyota Center was deserved to survive a Cat 4 hurricane...

37) Watching Corey Magette score at least 20ppg and the Warriors still missing Baron...

38) The second half of this season where the Warriors won;t miss Baron, but will start the biggest moped destruction program of all time...

39) Seeing AK-47 get traded, finally, to Mike D's Knicks and finally seeing what this guy could do on a running team. This is a trade money wise and personnel wise that could be interesting in several incarnations...

40) Speaking of... Who could land David Lee? If the Knicks are really trying to get under the cap for '10 then they can't keep Lee. Even though he is the most popular player on the team...

41) Josh Smith... He just got a huge contract. Is he going to be sponsoring Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt with 20 plus foot jumpers, or jumping over people in a way that merits money because people watching just scratch their heads and watch some more...

42) Andre, not AI, Igoudala, can he play with people clogging the middle? He runs through the lane admirably, but what does he do when Dalembert and Brand are on the floor at the same time... I realize many of these sentences could be ended with question marks, but I really like elipses...

43) Knowing that a weeks into the season we will not be seeing goddamn campaign commercials during sporting events...

44) The second year of Rashard Lewis making enough money to be ranked 15th in the NBA in terms of salary. Who is on your top 15 list? Rashard, anyone? He will get there by being quote "more selfish..."... That deserved multipe elsipses...

45) I am watching Conan and some guy that looks Dan Fogleberg and sounds like Jack Johnson just played. Who is playing the NBA half time show? Some one who is nothing like Dan Fogleberg or Jack Johnson, though it is funny to think about what Charles Barkley would say if that were the case...

46) Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck showing that three people and a guest are the way to do a sports show, or any show based on commentary. Do you hear me NFL broadcast? Do you hear me CNN debate coverage? Does anyone...

47) Darius Miles wins the comeback player of the year. If he makes the Celtics roster... Wait, I don't want to this to happen. I really don't want Portland carrying that shit on their cap. By the way, how does the NBA have this cap rule...

48) Kobe Bryant's pinky finger falling off...

49) Watching the Pacer's continue to flounder as they really, really, really want to get rid of Tinsley. Who actually tells people that they have no desire have someone that they are trying to pawn off on someone else? Let's talk about basic bargaining...

50) Comcast finally letting me order the League Pass...


That was way too long. I'm not really sorry. That was alot of elipses... The Captain signing off for now...