I suddenly realized that Dusty and I have not given a fair treatment of the naming process for the recently deceased Seattle SuperSonics. Welcome to the fold the OKC Thunder. Personally, I am disappoionted because I was pulling for them to be named The Wind. I was going to challenge myself to make 82 fart jokes dealing with the outcome of each of their games. Something like "The Rockets break Wind in Overtime," or "The Blazers pass Wind in the Northwest." You get the ideal.
The obvious question is, why they didn't chose some fearsome animal native to Oklahoma to be their mascot? Well friends this is easy to answer, any self respecting animal followed the cues of evolution and got the fuck out of Oklahoma as soon as they could whether it be by land, sea, air, or extinction. For awhile The Bison was an option, but really I don't think naming a team after an animal sacred to Native Americans in a state where Native Americans live in abject poverty because whites drove that animal to extinction seems a little too over the top.
So The Thunder it is. Still plenty of opportnuity for fart jokes, which will be forthcoming. I also look forward to, given the demographic of the surrounding community, the house announcer falling in love with Garth Brooks tune "The Thunder Rolls." Can you picture Kevin Durant and Jeff Green looking at each other as the guy puts on Garth for the thousandth time with the same look that Pinky and the Brain used to look at each other when they realized their plan to take over the world was about to fail. The amount of country music played at this arena could far surprass anything we have ever imagined for any NBA site. Most of the radio stations in Oklahoma, that's right they got radio about seven years ago in the Dust Bowl, are primarily country stations, I am interested to see if that carries into the arena. The Thunder Roles my friends.
Really though, this whole naming thing is so much better in college sports. This is because they get to have the actual anumals at the games. A short sidenote on this, I know in this life have been guilty of some pretty awful things so if I come back on a lower plain of existence I want to be a college mascot. Here are my top three"
3. Bevo- You are large well fed piece of cattle that gets drugged out of its mind before it is taken to a place where it is basically worshipped like a golden calf. I think this sounds pretty good. On the downside I would now be a cannibal whenever I wanted a good steak or burger. Bevo is number three because he is an herbivore, and I have never been crazy about the whole vegetarian thing.
2. A Baylor Bear- These guys just got a new habitat, and they get fed ridiculously. I know Bears are naturally fat, but if you ever see one of these things in person they look more like a furry orb than a bear. You also do not get an exclusive diet of grain. They give these bears Dr. Pepper and M&M's. Sounds good.
Number 1! drumroll please:
UGA, this dog has it made. A suite wherever he travels, an air conditioned doghouse, people think it is great when you attack the opposing team, and you stay in Savannah. He has his own SUV so he never has to ride in a trailer when you have to go to work and leave Savannah. Savannah is an awesome city, no open container laws in sight. Beyond that if this dog is uncomfortable someone comes over an ices his balls down. Now that's living! And I am just betting that if you are this dog people would pay large sums of money to breed their English Bulldog bitch with you because your UGA.
UGA wins, but the real problem here is that I am assuming that this dog is on a lower plain of existence. This dog has better life than I do. In the words of Dusty, "God Damnit! I hate it when a dog does better than me!"
Anyway, here they are your used to be Seattle Super Sonics, The OKC Thunder!
The Captain siging off for now...
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Doldrums
Well folks we have reached the middle of September, and for a NBA basketball fan this is the point in the year that is about as exciting as flannel pajamas on your grandma. Not that exciting, in fact if you think of ways to make that exciting there is something seriously wrong with you.
Free Agent signings of note have happened. Training camp battles haven't yet formed, as evidenced by an interview on Rockets.com where Steve Francis talks about watching old tapes of himself to get motivated and remember what he is capable of doing on the court. I am not holding my breath on the tapes bringing that back.
None the less, I sit here at 2 in the morning and feel compelled to provide you dear readers with some hope for the season that awaits us.
All things considered this has been an entertaining offseason given Baron moving south an area code or two, Brand giving the Clips the ol' Philly fake out, and Ron-Ron playing in building designed to withstand a category 5 hurricane(more on this in a second).
Baron going to the Clips should be fun because Baron and Mike Dunleavy seem very likely to mix like oil, water, and wildlife. I really don't see a control freeak like Mike Dunleavy being able to tolerate Baron Davis after Baron's sense of shot selection was just nurtured by a coach that whose offensive conscience is akin to Oscar Wilde's sense of self restraint. I though the year's in Golden State were perfect for a guy like Baron, but here is something to ponder... Corey Maggette could score as many points as Baron did in that offense and Monta Ellis was already turning into the closer on that team. So maybe it isn't time to mourn Golden State just yet. They could still be really fun if Nellie doesn't get bored. The Clippers are doomed, which brings me to my next point kids...
Elton Brand just pulled one of the smoothest exits of all time. He went to a younger team with a better coach, and at the same time made the Clippers look really silly. The Davis signing only looked good if they kept Brand. Now it looks like a team that is owned by Donald Sterling and run by Elgin Baylor, oh wait... Brand meanwhile takes a workman's game to a city that would boo the Liberty Bell and throw snowballs at the Declaration of Independence if they were losing a sporting event. Brand however has a pretty good chance of winning games in this city with the supporting cast he has, and the fact that he now resides in the Leastern (I will continue to call the conference as such even if Boston won last year). Brand long rumored a target of the Heat made a decision to go to a place with shittier weather and less attractive taxing policies, but a place where he steps in as a leader with a point guard with whom he has already played. I think the adjustments for Brand here are slight, and the players he gets at important positions are better on the Sixers than they were on the Clippers and he plays a cake schedule in conference having only to worry about the Celtics, Pistons, and the Lebron's.
Ron-Ron. I already wrote about this some, but upon a little further thinking this is something that has me perpelxed. Where are we going to play him most of the time, and who does he defend if he is on the floor at the same time with Shane? I think the second question will probably answer the first. Precisely because it won't matter nearly as much who is playing what position on offense when Shane floats around the three point line and Ron will be a cutter and a primary option. The beauty of a motoin offense is the passing, and I am interested to see whether Ron will make the reads enough of the time. On defense is where the interesting questions lay. If we are playing the Lakers who does Ron guard. Shane stays on Kobe, no question. So Yao stays in the middle with Andrew Bynum if he ever comes back. That puts Ron on Pau Gasol. I like that defensive line up because I think Ron will is mean enough to take Gasol or Odom out of the game when it comes down making them play a finesse game. Where I see this being a problem is when we play teams like New Orleans who have players like David West and Tyson Chandler who welcome the contact. They also present a defensive nightmare for the Rockets because best player on their team cannot be defended by Ron or Shane. Shane will stay with his assigment, but Ron gambles when it comes to off the ball defense, and Chris Paul eats folks like that for breakfast. Back to hurricane thing though, if that building is built to withstand a category five hurricane then I think it can withstand Ron Artest's volatile personality.
So there are a few thoughts. I will be throwing some more out there while we wait for the wind to fill the sails when we get out of this dead spot. The Captain siging off for now...
Free Agent signings of note have happened. Training camp battles haven't yet formed, as evidenced by an interview on Rockets.com where Steve Francis talks about watching old tapes of himself to get motivated and remember what he is capable of doing on the court. I am not holding my breath on the tapes bringing that back.
None the less, I sit here at 2 in the morning and feel compelled to provide you dear readers with some hope for the season that awaits us.
All things considered this has been an entertaining offseason given Baron moving south an area code or two, Brand giving the Clips the ol' Philly fake out, and Ron-Ron playing in building designed to withstand a category 5 hurricane(more on this in a second).
Baron going to the Clips should be fun because Baron and Mike Dunleavy seem very likely to mix like oil, water, and wildlife. I really don't see a control freeak like Mike Dunleavy being able to tolerate Baron Davis after Baron's sense of shot selection was just nurtured by a coach that whose offensive conscience is akin to Oscar Wilde's sense of self restraint. I though the year's in Golden State were perfect for a guy like Baron, but here is something to ponder... Corey Maggette could score as many points as Baron did in that offense and Monta Ellis was already turning into the closer on that team. So maybe it isn't time to mourn Golden State just yet. They could still be really fun if Nellie doesn't get bored. The Clippers are doomed, which brings me to my next point kids...
Elton Brand just pulled one of the smoothest exits of all time. He went to a younger team with a better coach, and at the same time made the Clippers look really silly. The Davis signing only looked good if they kept Brand. Now it looks like a team that is owned by Donald Sterling and run by Elgin Baylor, oh wait... Brand meanwhile takes a workman's game to a city that would boo the Liberty Bell and throw snowballs at the Declaration of Independence if they were losing a sporting event. Brand however has a pretty good chance of winning games in this city with the supporting cast he has, and the fact that he now resides in the Leastern (I will continue to call the conference as such even if Boston won last year). Brand long rumored a target of the Heat made a decision to go to a place with shittier weather and less attractive taxing policies, but a place where he steps in as a leader with a point guard with whom he has already played. I think the adjustments for Brand here are slight, and the players he gets at important positions are better on the Sixers than they were on the Clippers and he plays a cake schedule in conference having only to worry about the Celtics, Pistons, and the Lebron's.
Ron-Ron. I already wrote about this some, but upon a little further thinking this is something that has me perpelxed. Where are we going to play him most of the time, and who does he defend if he is on the floor at the same time with Shane? I think the second question will probably answer the first. Precisely because it won't matter nearly as much who is playing what position on offense when Shane floats around the three point line and Ron will be a cutter and a primary option. The beauty of a motoin offense is the passing, and I am interested to see whether Ron will make the reads enough of the time. On defense is where the interesting questions lay. If we are playing the Lakers who does Ron guard. Shane stays on Kobe, no question. So Yao stays in the middle with Andrew Bynum if he ever comes back. That puts Ron on Pau Gasol. I like that defensive line up because I think Ron will is mean enough to take Gasol or Odom out of the game when it comes down making them play a finesse game. Where I see this being a problem is when we play teams like New Orleans who have players like David West and Tyson Chandler who welcome the contact. They also present a defensive nightmare for the Rockets because best player on their team cannot be defended by Ron or Shane. Shane will stay with his assigment, but Ron gambles when it comes to off the ball defense, and Chris Paul eats folks like that for breakfast. Back to hurricane thing though, if that building is built to withstand a category five hurricane then I think it can withstand Ron Artest's volatile personality.
So there are a few thoughts. I will be throwing some more out there while we wait for the wind to fill the sails when we get out of this dead spot. The Captain siging off for now...
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Into the Sunset?
Should a Spurs fan be planning to eulogize what will (likely) be the best team in the franchise's history?
A couple of questions regarding the four time NBA champs gearing up for the 2008-2009 NBA season.
1. Considering Ginobili's injury will likely sideline him until mid-November and will (likely) see reduced minutes upon his return, how bad is this for the team?
-This will all have to do with who's on two things: Who's on the roster these days? and Will it be good enough?
Who's on the roster:
Guards: Tony Parker, Jacque Vaughn, Manu Ginobili, Roger Mason and Michael Finley (not including unsigned free agents and a rookies. The Spurs don't sign rookies, unless they are from Europe and now they won't take our money)
Forwards: Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen, Matt Bonner, Kurt Thomas, Ime Udoka
Centers: Fabricio Oberto, Anthony Tolliver (they do sign rookies, damn.), Ian Mahinmi
Six guys capable of playing the 5. Ok, probably just five. I haven't heard anything positive about Mahinmi.
Three guys good for playing the 4.
5 guys capable of playing the 3, but it'll basically be between Bowen and Udoka, and Bruce is getting close to done.
3 guys to play the 2.
4-ish to play the 1. Primarily between Parker and Vaughn again this season. Not bad, but Jacque isn't a spring chicken.
Will it be good enough?
This roster isn't terrible or anything. The concern would be that Manu won't rehab right, or he'll have lost his explosiveness when he does get back. This team can certainly weather the early part of the season without Manu. The West is quite good again, but they should be alright considering the talent and experience. The Spurs admittedly start out a season sort of slow. This season it could actually be because someone's injured. Nice to have an excuse finally.
2. Is this team good enough?
Possibly. It'll depend on how things come together for the other top teams out West this year.
a. The Lakers - Bynum is back, and Kobe is foregoing surgery on the pinkie he injured last February. Kobe still managed to average nearly 30 points a game. Pau will finally have a full season to develop chemistry with the team. None of these things really make me feel better.
Pau looks like a sissy terrorist from some slavic country?
Still don't feel better.
b. The Hornets - Chris Paul is a beast. David West is likely one of the best power forwards in the league playing with the best point guard in the league. Tyson Chandler feasts on the blood of infants, and by "infants" I mean "lob passes." Yes, I know that makes no sense, but I don't have any joke here.
c. The Rockets - Well, Ron Ron should make them a whole hell of a lot better, and they didn't suck before. Can I pencil in Tracy and Yao missing about a month a piece? In years past this mattered (well until last year and the winning streak) but now even if one is down, the Rockets will still have two superstar players. Rafer Alston can prove if his second half play last year was it clicking for him or an aberration, and the bench looks nice. The bench used to be one of their big issues, but now as a Spurs fan I understand it. Is this how the Captain used to feel about his team all the time?
The Spurs can likely handle the rest of the West without the whirling dervish.
Here's to hoping it works out. I do enjoy the odd year banners in the AT&T Center.
-Dusty
A couple of questions regarding the four time NBA champs gearing up for the 2008-2009 NBA season.
1. Considering Ginobili's injury will likely sideline him until mid-November and will (likely) see reduced minutes upon his return, how bad is this for the team?
-This will all have to do with who's on two things: Who's on the roster these days? and Will it be good enough?
Who's on the roster:
Guards: Tony Parker, Jacque Vaughn, Manu Ginobili, Roger Mason and Michael Finley (not including unsigned free agents and a rookies. The Spurs don't sign rookies, unless they are from Europe and now they won't take our money)
Forwards: Tim Duncan, Bruce Bowen, Matt Bonner, Kurt Thomas, Ime Udoka
Centers: Fabricio Oberto, Anthony Tolliver (they do sign rookies, damn.), Ian Mahinmi
Six guys capable of playing the 5. Ok, probably just five. I haven't heard anything positive about Mahinmi.
Three guys good for playing the 4.
5 guys capable of playing the 3, but it'll basically be between Bowen and Udoka, and Bruce is getting close to done.
3 guys to play the 2.
4-ish to play the 1. Primarily between Parker and Vaughn again this season. Not bad, but Jacque isn't a spring chicken.
Will it be good enough?
This roster isn't terrible or anything. The concern would be that Manu won't rehab right, or he'll have lost his explosiveness when he does get back. This team can certainly weather the early part of the season without Manu. The West is quite good again, but they should be alright considering the talent and experience. The Spurs admittedly start out a season sort of slow. This season it could actually be because someone's injured. Nice to have an excuse finally.
2. Is this team good enough?
Possibly. It'll depend on how things come together for the other top teams out West this year.
a. The Lakers - Bynum is back, and Kobe is foregoing surgery on the pinkie he injured last February. Kobe still managed to average nearly 30 points a game. Pau will finally have a full season to develop chemistry with the team. None of these things really make me feel better.
Pau looks like a sissy terrorist from some slavic country?
Still don't feel better.
b. The Hornets - Chris Paul is a beast. David West is likely one of the best power forwards in the league playing with the best point guard in the league. Tyson Chandler feasts on the blood of infants, and by "infants" I mean "lob passes." Yes, I know that makes no sense, but I don't have any joke here.
c. The Rockets - Well, Ron Ron should make them a whole hell of a lot better, and they didn't suck before. Can I pencil in Tracy and Yao missing about a month a piece? In years past this mattered (well until last year and the winning streak) but now even if one is down, the Rockets will still have two superstar players. Rafer Alston can prove if his second half play last year was it clicking for him or an aberration, and the bench looks nice. The bench used to be one of their big issues, but now as a Spurs fan I understand it. Is this how the Captain used to feel about his team all the time?
The Spurs can likely handle the rest of the West without the whirling dervish.
Here's to hoping it works out. I do enjoy the odd year banners in the AT&T Center.
-Dusty
Monday, September 8, 2008
Bong Hits for Jesus, Round 2
The front office strategy of the New York Knicks has become evident to me. Some people are wondering how long it will take for D'Antoni to to make it his team. The contracts of Zach Randolph and Eddie Curry are particularly troublesome. Neither one of those gentlemen is much of a sprinter. Well, it would appear that Randolph will quickly be on the move, so where does this leave them? Exactly where they want to be. They've dumped one oversized, slowish guy, and I know how they're going to get rid of Curry.
They're going to kill him.
Now, I don't mean they're going to hire a contract killer or anything, but they have an easy way to finish him off and call it a work-related accident. Just run the man to death.
Think about it. They hired the NBA's premier run and gun coach (no disrespect to Nellie), and they're going to let him coach a guy with a heart condition!
Seven seconds or less.
Get the defibrillator ready.
-Dusty
They're going to kill him.
Now, I don't mean they're going to hire a contract killer or anything, but they have an easy way to finish him off and call it a work-related accident. Just run the man to death.
Think about it. They hired the NBA's premier run and gun coach (no disrespect to Nellie), and they're going to let him coach a guy with a heart condition!
Seven seconds or less.
Get the defibrillator ready.
-Dusty
The Dream
Alright, Hakeem the Dream Olajuwon has been inducted into the Hall of Fame. I feel like I should be more excited about this, but for me (and anyone who ever wtached him play) the proper response is, "well duh." Dream was one of the most amazing players I have ever seen, and I had the pleasure of living in Houston while he was at the peak of his powers bringing two titles to Clutch City. Here is what I vividly remember:
I am playing little league baseball on the day that the Rockets clinched vs. Pheonix in the West playoffs and instead of coaching us the parents have a radio on blasting the game. Everytime Dream touches the ball we all feel OK about the game, and because he is on the floor we know how much better everyone else around him becomes. So when Mario Elie hits the Kiss of Death Three, everyone simultaneously lets a scream for joy, except for teh kid that struck out right when the shot went in...
Hakeem spotting up for a corner three in playoffs just to show off, and draining it.
Hakeem absolutely abusing David Robinson after Robinson accepted the MVP. Ranks as the second most embarassing MVP showing behind Dirk's no show against the Warriors. Though I think Robinson would argue that getting abused by one of the top three centers of all time isn't anything to be too ashamed of, but still...
Shaquille O'Neal showing humility because he knew Hakeem had throttled him in his first foray into Finals basketball. If anything we might credit Hakeem with making Shaq hungrier and nastier than he already was. I am betting O'Neal has never forgotten what it was like to play against someone better than him in almost every way.
Most of all Hakeem had something that cannot be coached on teh basketball floor. He carried himself with a sense of pride and dignity that made you proud to root for his team. He was devastating on the court, but he was a statesman off of it, and a class act for teh city of Houston. Dusty will tell you that Spurs fans feel the same way about Timmy. It is somehting altogether different to watch a player that not only gets a whole city excited about basketball, but gets a whole city excited about itself.
The Captain signing off for now...
I am playing little league baseball on the day that the Rockets clinched vs. Pheonix in the West playoffs and instead of coaching us the parents have a radio on blasting the game. Everytime Dream touches the ball we all feel OK about the game, and because he is on the floor we know how much better everyone else around him becomes. So when Mario Elie hits the Kiss of Death Three, everyone simultaneously lets a scream for joy, except for teh kid that struck out right when the shot went in...
Hakeem spotting up for a corner three in playoffs just to show off, and draining it.
Hakeem absolutely abusing David Robinson after Robinson accepted the MVP. Ranks as the second most embarassing MVP showing behind Dirk's no show against the Warriors. Though I think Robinson would argue that getting abused by one of the top three centers of all time isn't anything to be too ashamed of, but still...
Shaquille O'Neal showing humility because he knew Hakeem had throttled him in his first foray into Finals basketball. If anything we might credit Hakeem with making Shaq hungrier and nastier than he already was. I am betting O'Neal has never forgotten what it was like to play against someone better than him in almost every way.
Most of all Hakeem had something that cannot be coached on teh basketball floor. He carried himself with a sense of pride and dignity that made you proud to root for his team. He was devastating on the court, but he was a statesman off of it, and a class act for teh city of Houston. Dusty will tell you that Spurs fans feel the same way about Timmy. It is somehting altogether different to watch a player that not only gets a whole city excited about basketball, but gets a whole city excited about itself.
The Captain signing off for now...
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